I want the freedom to write about something without any reader who knows me to read into that which I am saying something that I am not.......
So I give this preface...
All week I have been thinking about this issue to write about but have hesitated because of past events that would have me worry that there would be someone who would think I was writing about them specifically and using my blog and words to attack or preach at.... but I am not.....
whether you believe me or not is up to you......
As always I promise to be brutally honest and share from my own heart and be transparent with my own journey and my own process......
I know that the battle scars are still upon me... I see the proverbial battlefields still and see the faces of people I have known and the scenes of places I have been and some of the horrors I have seen under the guise of ministry......
But I am learning a lesson that is not just bringing a depth of healing to my heart but freedom to my step... and I am walking away from those battlefields and their memory is becoming dimmer and dimmer.....
Here is the lesson......... I have been hurt by the rejection of friends and people I loved and served with and thought that they loved me as well... their rejection didn't come because I had fallen into sin (but even in that case is that what Christ does?) ,
Their rejection came from fear (their own) and I saw that they were more afraid of what they would lose if they continued to be my friend because I was no longer a popular or needed player to be friends with....
ah yes...
There is good and bad things in ministry but then there is the plain ugly... because maybe I took the unpopular road within a situation or circumstance and everybody watched and waited ..to see what the company line would be so that they could then decide if I was still ok to be friends with....
But then came a time when I was in the shoes of the "others" ... and I couldn't be more grateful for my husband because he walked me through this situation well.... and his wisdom and love were so centered on God that it empowered me to choose the road that I believe Jesus always walks.....
Besides Jesus being friends with people who the religious people of the day said not to be friends with .... Jesus was very concerned to restore Peter to fellowship with Himself and to the others...... Peter knew his great fault... Peter knew his denial... better than anyone else did...
But Peter was not to be defined by that.... no Jesus made sure that there was provision for Peter to become all that Peter was to become ... Jesus spoke life and hope into Peter beyond Peter's failure..... and said upon the confession of Peter I will build my church......
I had had the tendency too to wait and see what the company line was going to be in order to not lose... in order to not lose favor.. in order to not incur disappointment.....
But whose favor was I more afraid of losing? Mans? or God's? The truth was there was many a time where I was more afraid of losing the favor of man.... especially after having walked the roads where that happened.... I wanted to self protect... I wanted to keep that which I had .... and in so doing I was willing to tow the company line of man and not the truest company line of the Kingdom of God.....
But my husband.... He so makes me a better human being... He tows the company line of the Kingdom so consistently that his example pulls me up and into the heart of God.. shows me the higher and better ways and brings forth freedom...
Ah yes... freedom... I am truly free... to love... to adore... all... ALL...
And in so doing I live a life reflecting Christ... not afraid of religious notions or the notions of flesh or self perseveration.... but Kingdom notions.. and Kingdom truths....
What credit is it to us if we love those who love us and who are the supposed "right" person to love... the "right" person to love this hour or day might be the person that all else are moving away from tomorrow... so maybe we are never safe to love... With that mentality you aren't and you live a life of loving where it is convenient and benefits only you.... I was dangerously close to living there.... but oh so glad to have been shown a better way....
The freedom and life and love that flows through my life now is so full of liberty... so full of faith and love and forgiveness..... to love those that have hurt us .. to love those that have maligned us and ruined our reputations... well... we aren't to have a reputation anyway... not anyone except for the one that says we are His and His alone...
May we all mature into hearts that love as He loves.... seeing as He sees... doing as He does....
1 comment:
Seriously so good! I love how God take His hands, puts them on each side or our face and says... "just look at Me. Just focus on My face. Let the rest go."
You have reminded me once again of that with your beauty and your honesty.
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