Mesmerized........

It ends and no sooner than it does I press the arrow so that it will replay....

The hymn itself is an anthem of my life...  I Need Thee Every Hour words written by Annie Hawks

This young man, Sam Robson, took this hymn and with power and force sings it with such a heart that as soon as the last notes are sung, the arrow is pressed so that I can hear it played over and over again....

Here is the link:  http://www.godvine.com/This-is-One-A-Capella-Hymn-You-HAVE-to-Listen-to-You-ll-Be-Stunned--3994.html


Enter into the link and press for the video to start and then close your eyes and be drawn up into the absolutely exquisite expression of these majestic truths...

Here are the lyrics....  Every hour, I need thee... What is more true then that?

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

Refrain

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.

Refrain

What really matters..........

I could write and write and write on this topic... Or today I could just say one word: YOU....

That's what really matters... That is what God is saying...  You Matter....  Go and live....  Live not looking to the left or the right but setting your gaze upon Him...

Setting your gaze upon Him and step out today and live the moment... The day... Live... Dare 

to live your life...

Why I can't swerve for squirrels...

A car was coming in the opposite direction and within my car was my husband and our two youngest children.  I could feel the tension building inside of me and I started to slow down.  "Don't  swerve for that squirrel."  He was right.  Everything in me wanted to and in all honesty, if it just had been me in the car I probably would have swerved or at the very least slowed as far down as I could or even come to a complete stop as to not hit that squirrel.

But my husband was right.  The lives of our family are worth way more than that of an animal trying to cross the road.  I didn't swerve and the squirrel did make it to the other side.  I had slowed down a lot.

Yesterday was a hard day.  Lots of moments to reflect upon.  Lots of moments that made me think I would rather work anywhere else than in the ministry.  I would rather do anything else than that which I do and I sought the Lord hard through out the day.  I wanted this morning to arrive with me being able to have the new mercies that are promised upon the arrival of a new day,  but I could feel the old feelings of cynicism and bitterness emerging and I was angry.

Until I heard the Father speak, "Don't swerve for the squirrels."

As I sat with what He was saying I felt the reality of love surround me and strengthen me and cause me to look at the truth of the situations I was facing.  I actually love what I get to do.....  I actually really love edification and exhortation and walking with the Lord and His people.  What I hate is the enemy!  What I hate is the way the enemy plays with people's insecurities and fears and doubts about themselves, and NOW I am on a rampage!

While I can not endorse everything Marianne Williamson believes I do love this quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,

but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking

so that others won't feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in every one.

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

What was hurting my heart yesterday was that by me being me and standing in the stature which the Lord has given me to stand in before Him, others were feeling insecure about the callings upon their lives.  Comparison is a killer.  A vicious killer and it doesn't swerve and it will always kill whoever gets in its path.

I paused as the events unfolded yesterday and wanted to swerve out of the way.  I don't view the Kingdom of God like a pie that is to be dived up and given out in limited measure.  IT is a vast kingdom FULL of all things.  We are all ONE body and the reality of Ephesians 4 MUST land upon us!

This is brutally hard for me.... not the desire to walk in the reality of Ephesians 4, but the reality that others might shrink back if I don't play small.... That hurts my heart more than you could imagine.  And at times I have faltered then into playing small so that others wouldn't feel unsure around me.  WHO wants that?  I certainly don't... I want you to thrive!  It matters to me that you thrive!  It matters to me that you thrive that I would swerve and get out of your way so that you would!

Except... what does that really say about me?  This morning as I was thinking about all of this, the Lord called to mind the parable of the talents.  and I knew to acknowledge that to hide who I was was NOT an option.  It can't be an option.  

So I will shout from the mountain tops that you are loved!  That you are worth everything in the heart of our Father!  That you couldn't imagine the depth of your worth to the heart of our Father if you tried because you wouldn't dare to even come close.  I will shout that you are a daughter!  I will shout that you are a son!  I will shout and shout and shout and shout and shout BUT I WILL NOT SWERVE!   I will not be deterred from following the Father as He leads my life!  But I will, at the same time, CHAMPION you on to do the same!  I will champion you!  I will exhort you to not diminish that which is upon your life because of what you perceive to be upon the life of another.....

The Lord once told me that to be successful as we moved and transitioned to Virginia I must live my life.  I must live the life He puts before me NOT the life I would think I would want, or the life others are living.  I must live my day!  I must live my journey! I must walk my path with Him.  I MUST NOT shrink  back and I should not swerve nor be deterred.   

On my best days, whether they are before a crowd of human beings or before one of my children, I am entering more and more into  living my life.  I am focused upon what it is that I am called to do and that is to LOVE GOD and LOVE HIS people......  I am an exhorter and I am not shrinking back any longer out of fear or doubt, and through His grace I will live my steps out in a way that honors Him and reflects Him to His people.  

GO AND DO THE SAME!!! LIVE... DARE  TO LIVE... DARE TO DREAM.. DARE TO BE YOU.. 

LIVE.... INVEST WHAT HE HAS PLACED WITHIN YOU!!! IT IS PRECIOUS.. AND BEAUTIFUL... IT IS HIS REFLECTION THROUGH YOU AND NO ONE BUT YOU CAN WALK THAT OUT!!

The alternative is a bit scary.... 

Matthew 25:14-30

"For it is as if a man, going on a journey, summoned his  slaves and entrusted his property to them;  to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another  one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. The one who had received the five talents went off at once  and traded with them, and made five more talents. In the same way, the one who had the two talents made two more talents. But the one who had received the one talent went off and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money. After a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. Then the one who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five more talents, saying, 'Master, you handed over to me five talents; see, I have made five more talents.' His master said to him, 'Well done, good and trustworthy slave; you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.' And the one with the two talents also came forward, saying, 'Master, you handed over to me two talents; see, I have made two more talents.' His master said to him, 'Well done, good and trustworthy slave; you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.' Then the one who had received the one talent also came forward, saying, 'Master, I knew that you were a harsh man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter  seed;  so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground.  Here you have what is yours.' But his master replied, 'You wicked and lazy slave! You knew, did you, that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him, and give it to the one with the ten talents. For to all those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away. As for this worthless slave, throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' 

DON'T HIDE WHO YOU ARE....................... LIVE

The mystic and the administrator go to war....................

There is this struggle deep within me right now and I am convinced of this that at the other side of this journey is me walking with the Lord in ways I would have never fathomed, but always desired.  That is what keeps my feet upon this path of discovery.

I'm shaking as the whispers of my Heavenly Father form out my heart... "It's about control, Miriam."  And then for the second time in a month I pause to the depth and degree that I did at that moment.. knowing He is up to more than I could possibly fathom.  He is pushing forward.  He is pushing deep into places of my heart that I do not want to truly tread upon.  The first time it was Jesus walking up in a vision standing with my earthly father and all that that experience encompassed.  Now it is my Creator calling me by my name that I do not use.

"It's about control." He repeated.  Then He looked at me, and such a knowing glance transpired between us...  "Mims, it is about control."  What words within a blog can not express to you, what maybe words spoken, even if I was with you, would need so much context to explain, what words fail .. WHEN words fail..  There abides a solid expression of tangible confidence within the silence, within the gaze.

To be told in tones of kindness and generosity and strength and purity and love to cease striving and acknowledge the reality of His Lordship, to be not afraid BUT to trust.. to lean... to be one who is whispered to, to be one who is satisfied....

This journey has been some what brutal.  There are skill sets that I walk within, that while I can excel in them, they are not my preference.  I was sitting at a meeting and a dear friend began to speak about what she was seeing in me, and I looked at her and said, "You, don't understand.. I hate this part of me."

 I'm not one who uses the word, "hate," loosely.  But as the words fell from my mouth I had to acknowledge that it went beyond hatred.  I abhorred that part of me that can see and order and administrate.  I am soooo very much more comfortable with being the proverbial mystic in a quiet contemplative place.  The two DO NOT seem to ever get married.

Thoughts along these lines were forming out within my being this morning when the Father came and His presence filled out the room and again, again.... Again... I felt the most intrinsic me that I am ever ever going to be... IN His presence ...... In His presence I find myself within His gaze... I find myself within His presence... I find myself within the reality that is Him... and when in these moments His presence fills out and overtakes space and time I am made new... I am made awake!

 That is when the Father not only told me it was about control but called me by my name,  a name I really don't ever use.  A name I have rarely but maybe one other time heard Him call me....

Can you feel the difference in your body when you are in control and leading your life versus the Lord being in that place?  I am thinking through that process and trying to come up with some exercises to help identify the process.  One is so very different then the other and I desire to walk through my days in the other more and more... I can tell the difference and with prayer and meditation and taking Selah moments.. pausing...  I can enter in but how can I live there? And can I?

But getting back... I have felt the mystic in me and the administrator in me go to war....   and I see the path of healing.. it is not hard for me to step away from the systems...  it IS hard for me to walk in and around them. Then again, my Father ...  filled out the room and caused my gaze to return to Him and my heart to start beating in rhythm with His.. and again, He spoke, "It is about control."  And then again, "Miriam.. It is about control."

As much as I would wish to never emerge from these moments, my heart ached as the Lord of my heart called me by a name that really only contains within it pain and irritation.

In that moment there was so much I wanted to say and do and at the same time there was nothing for me to say nor do, well, not nothing. There was a choice.. not a passive reception but an aggressive submission to that which He wanted to explode into the reality of my heart and mind.

His grace made it possible and obvious to choose the later.... So I sat and waited for Him to say more...

His invitation is to trust.

My view as administration is getting things done... creating a list.. having an agenda... being in charge.. and in control and getting things done...  I view life as a contemplative one as resting quietly within His presence and adoring Him and walking in Heavenly places and walking in and around His heart.. and being with Him and relishing in the presence of His thoughts... relishing in the presence of His glory....  I view administration as living from the head and being a place of force and competency.  I view administration as the capacity to take control and get things done and look back with a satisfaction of all that I have accomplished.   He is asking of me to see the blend... and but sitting with Him covered by His presence it feels insurmountable.

The path for me will be one of divine healing.  This path is taking me upon a road and while I have walked many a path of healing and deliverance, I have never walked one quite like this before...  It is more unknown then I have ever seen... it is full of more trust... it is full of more of a reliance upon Him then I maybe even ever wanted.... But yet always wanted somewhere within... This feels like embarking upon more of a letting go then I have ever felt ...

Trust hasn't been easy to come by, even with this One, this Abba who comes and saturates my room and sits with me and addresses me forward and calls me by name...

There isn't a fabulous summation either... welcome.. to the journey that the "that," and the discovery of "honesty," is being to look like....  I always think these invitations of His are going to be so other and so different than what they ever are... I am truly grateful for that fact...

As I end this post I share with you this picture.....  Elizabeth's teacher has told her that these younger kids may not use the monkey bars as they don't want them to get hurt...  We are told by the church and the world to not touch "these monkey bars"  because we will get hurt.. we are told by systems that benefit from staying in place to not leave the ground and trust that a strength will exist that will help you across... We are told play it safe.. stay on the ground.. stay with what is known.. what you know...

The Father rarely has ever called me "Miriam," He has rarely ever so beckoned me forward to merge the contemplative side of me with the administrative side of me, He has rarely been as adamant with me to see these things... I'll tell you this... Never have I ever understand more fully that IT IS His kindness that brings one to repentance.. I would not even attempt at this point in my life to express what the depth of His kindness and generosity and love feel like in these moments of wooing... But I would say this BE WOOED...

10 minutes of perfection set the tone for life.....................

There are many portions of yesterday I would rewrite.

There are many portions of yesterday that are precious to me and that I am very grateful for deep within.

But there are ten minutes where I stepped into perfection.

Trying to orient myself this morning to this day, it was those ten minutes that lifted my heart and started to form out my thinking.

Those ten minutes are full of the purest joy, absolute delight and strength and assurance.

This morning I have the understanding that it would be the Lord's great pleasure if I would use those ten minutes as my true North.  I don't have fullness of understanding but I do possess a willingness to allow those ten minutes to wrap around me and encamp about me and my memories and be the basis of the guiding principals upon which to build my life.

We walked down the three front steps.  Elizabeth and I were bare foot.  The sun rising over the rock quarry shone through the trees.  Elizabeth, Greg and I, all heading to the bus stop.  The night before I had rediscovered the acapella  version of "Be Thou My Vision."  I turned on the music and it flooded over the children and I.  Lizzie began to try to sing.  Greg just smiled.  Satisfaction filled the air.  Solid. A solidness just saturated the air.  All ... Everything ... was right...

Our three shadows stretched out before us and played together.  At one point we were one big shadow and then we were three....  The music continued to fill the air.  The trees forming a canopy over us.. Delight swirling all about us.

That which makes up Gregory, that which forms out Elizabeth... in those sweet precious early morning moments I was captivated by love and surrounded by pure joy.

Simplicity.

Hope.

Delight.

Quiet.

Not exactly solitude but a being togetherness that felt very much like a union of love and oneness that was in its essence perfection.

This morning as I sat and paused and attempted to sort through the issues that will be addressed in the next blog .. The Lord pointed to these ten minutes.

"To be with you, to be together........... Let those ten minutes be your guide towards joy."

Be Thou My Vision ...............................

It would be one of my favorite worship songs.  When I would hear it for the first time my heart  melted and it was as Christ was pointing the way... If there would be a prayer that would carry me through my days it would be that which was encompassed by this song... Amazingly it would be the first worship song I would ever hear at Renovatus.  The song had been circulating in and through me for months....  and then upon stepping into the service of this church in Charlotte on July 11, 2010 for the first time, a cry of my heart was answered....  As life moves forward and geography changes... life changes... the one thing that remains is the cry .. the plea.. the need... For Him to be the Vision....  May my eyes ever be trained upon Him... and May He be my vision in all that I touch

High King of Heaven... My victory won............

The lyrics of this song capture me... rivet me... pursue me.. "HEART OF MY OWN HEART!"

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

A most desperate prayer pulsates through me this evening.. what more beautiful realities could exist but to cry out for these....  

So sweet Jesus... Beyond all else I ask that You... You would be my vision.. You are my best thought ...  Your presence is my light.. Be my wisdom... be my Father.. may I be your truest daughter...  Dwelling together...

Oh BE my battle shield...  be that which stands before me and behind me and about me ... surround me in your presence.. High King of Heaven... those words.. "High King of Heaven," none better than those....  

Heart of my own heart....  Be my vision.. Ruler of all.. Ruler of me....

What We Are AND What We Aren't: Putting the Pieces Together

My husband and I direct a small ministry by the name of Stir The Water.... Emerging forward from a very long season of transition and change, I turned back and looked forward and thought a little about what it is that we are and what it is that we aren't.......

I remember the day I was walking along side another with whom we had been in ministry with at one point, I remember that day clearly because there were moments that imprinted upon my being and have served to form and fashion me and what I think in regards to ministry and following the Lord and equipping the body of believers.  He spoke about connections to other leaders and how those that he walked with would compare contact lists to see who had who in their virtual rolodexes.  

My response was that Jim and I (Mims) wouldn't even be able to play that game.  We are horrible when it comes to networking.  I can't do surface conversation well and the comparision that goes on at such things kills my heart. Honestly it breaks my heart.  The notorious pastor's or leader type conferences where the ones that are presenting are supposedly the most "successful," and the majority of the conversations amongst peers concern numbers and programs and so on and so forth.

Stir the Water IS a lot of things and it ISN't a lot of things... and all the time it is powerful and important to clarify and to communicate these things to people.  

Stir the Water has been in transition for longer than I can imagine at this point.  The thoughts of when will the "baby" actually be birthed and the season of transition be in the past have been with me for quite some time.  

But, in all honesty after 3-5 plus years I honestly think we are beginning to push out and birth what it is that we are meant to be and it feels right and beautiful and even I feel to use the word, holy.  

So when I heard the word, holy, in my spirit, I decided to look it up...  "dedicated or consecrated to God," was one definition and "sacred," was the other. 

What have these years been and what have they taught?  Maybe one key component is that unless the Lord is building the house the labors labor in vain.  I believe that these years, as we have laid STW down countless times, and handed it back to the Lord for His purposes we have sincerely dedicated it to Him.  We have learned who it is that we are and who it is that we aren't.....

Here are some of those things....

• I think I can truly say we earnestly don't care if you think if we hear from God or interpret dreams well as long as YOU are equipped to interpret dreams and hear from God for yourself. We love the reality of dreams and the capacity of the senses to understand that which is truly real within the unseen and seen  reality of the Kingdom of God.  That you grow in your understanding of how to walk in the giftings and callings God has placed upon your life is VERY important to us.  Stir the Water NEEDS to be about the people that feel called to it not just one or two people but the gathering of believers who find refuge and comfort and safety and family within the confines of the grouping of people that make up that which is Stir The Water. 

• We aren't flashy and we aren't going to hype anything...  most of the time some component of the website has a bug in it and sometimes it has been pretty serious components.  While we are always shooting for excellence, we have learned to understand that we walk forward with what we have and are humbled when we need to be and walk as who we are before the Lord with as little pretense as we can.  Learning more and more all the time.  

• You are going to matter.. that is who we are... YOU are going to matter....  Your heart.. not just what you can do for Stir The Water but what does it mean for an online ministry to be a family for people who live separated by geography and time?  We are figuring that out more and more....  There is a lot for us to learn and discover but we are putting first things first AND above all else YOU are going to matter. 

• Loving God and being loved by Him is always going to trump gifting.... teaching you that you are a son or a daughter of the Most High God and empowering you to over come the hindrances and obstacles that block the truth of His affections from reverberating powerfully within you is going to be a priority!

I could go on and on about what we are and what we aren't..... We believe in the training and equipping and loving of the individual, we believe in empowering each one onto and into as full of a relationship with the Father and Jesus and Holy Spirit as each one is willing to walk into, we believe in a no hype approach..  we are going to charge for things, if you can't afford it .. we can talk, but we won't apoligize for inviting you to participate in the cost of bringing resources out but we won't allow the cost to hinder participation either.. (hence the push and development to use our Facebook page as a real off shoot of the essential parts of STW).

We are figuring things out still and are in process and don't mind that being public.. There is no image but the image of God that we are called to reflect and it is in our core belief we want you to know us and we want to know you.  That is a scary invitation.  There is no image for us or you to hide behind.  We are going to be real and admit when error and life have caused us to need God.  Jim has an incredible teaching on how the Lord comes and meets us in the waste places, and how transformative it is to know that we don't have to have it all "right" before we receive His presence and His comfort.  

We are forming  out this family of what it is that Stir The Water community is about!  I'll tell you that while the process has been beyond difficult and this last transition has been painful and full of challenge what is emerging is truly what I always wanted ministry to be....  Loving God and Loving People.  No hype.. No show.. No image.. No pretense... God and each other... figuring it out.  It will be messy!  What birth isn't?  But it will be worth it ... Growing together.......

This is who we are ... a little of who we aren't 

Join us for the journey of discovery.. Join us for in the discovery of what birth after transition looks like...  Here's to life and living....  

Bless you,

Mims Driscoll

How come this part of Hebrews 11 isn't preached on very often...

How come this part of Hebrews 11 isn't preached on very often....


"They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground."


These too were in the Hall of Fame of Faith.....  not too popular I guess to realize that not all conquer kingdoms, obtain promises, shut the mouths of lions, escape the edge of the sword, or receive back their dead by resurrection in this life.


Who wants to volunteer for the gospel that has you wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground?  Who wants to PREACH that gospel?

Actually this is where I will end this blog post.......................................

Because there are times when not saying all that could be said is more powerful than saying it....

Ceasing and Knowing..................................

His voice was clear and His affections permeated the very air that surrounded me as if a hug from Heaven was giving witness to the spoken words.

"Cease striving and know that I am God."

There is a quietness and confidence that is birthed .. Isaiah 30:15 has been a life verse for a long time now.. but it explodes upon my heart in new and deeper ways.

I am trying to unlock for myself what this all looks like amidst being a woman, a wife, a mom.. making a living, stepping into ministry, living in the world.... What?  What can this look like?  What does it mean to fully cease striving?  What does it mean to know God?

One component I am adhering to these days is the NO FEAR policy... To know God means that the angel arrives and says, "Be not afraid!"  That God speaks and says, "I tell you the truth."  It isn't that we don't see the fear or experience it, it means that it doesn't get the final say...

How?  How does the reality of Heaven actually in reality permeate every fabric of my being as I walk out my days upon the earth?  How does the reality of Heaven whisper or roar into my days?  How does it govern my life? How does it rule my thoughts?

What does ceasing striving look like?  What does it mean to truly KNOW God?

I hold my daughter, Elizabeth's hand, I feel it in the palm of mine, I touch her... she giggles and I hear it.. she cuddles I feel it... she sleeps I watch....  when I hold her close and her head gets cocked up into the side of my neck I smell her toddler body... the sweat and joy of play, the dirt of the fort, the fresh air.. all swirl around her and I am blessed to be her mom... I interact with her daily, because to not do so would be sad.

Without religion, without compulsion, without duty, without shoulds, without lists..... What does it look like to know Him.. to walk with Him.. to cease striving and just to know Him....

These days must be full of the reality that is Him... He must go before me.. He must surround me... He does... He does.. scripturally we watch as His lovingkindness goes before us, crowns us, is our rear guard...  We are never without Him.... He never leaves nor forsakes.. BUT what does that look like?  AND how should that REALITY alter the course of our daily living?

With a whisper and a shout...  We are under girded and overshadowed by the Lord Most High.. in its simplest and most profound reality... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Not striving here... entering into a rest.. a place of trust... looking upward and around me and seeing Him in everything.....  As I take Elizabeth's hand and relish in relationship with her...  so do I use it as a picture of me being His girl.... and in that place is a land of hopscotch and skip to my lou.....  what that means when it is done not with a toddler but with the Creator of all things.. I am finding out... daily discovering the joys of being a daughter of the Lord Most High....

I'm more convinced that the way to "KNOW" Him is to enter in as a child... and then Elizabeth and Gregory and Rebekah and Gideon and Caspian and Joshua become my pictures... how does a preschooler, an elementary aged child, a middle schooler, a high schooler and an adult child come into relationship with a parent...  Walking together.. walking with Him... walking and trusting and ceasing striving BUT diving into the knowing....

Living Loved... Living Life... Living Hope...  Resurrection life... hope... joy.. faith.... LIFE... What Really Matters?  YOU... YouMatter.......

Not under religious compulsion or some fabricated sense of duty.............................

My life becomes interesting in moments.

There are moments the reality of Heaven supersedes that of the reality of time and the most amazing conversations transpire.

Last night during such a moment the affection present and the reality of the Heavenly Father's tenderness towards creation... towards me was palpable.  

While I was driving the car home it was as if the Heavens opened and He was there...  "If you could see yourself from this perspective," He said, "If you could see yourself from this perspective, what would you tell yourself."  

There aren't the words to describe to you what that, "perspective," is...it  is beauty and wonder, it is fierce and tender and life... Maybe that is actually the best word to use... Life. Life was present beyond anything I had ever seen. He is life!

As I stood within the moment.. I knew what it was that His heart was saying...

And I responded by telling him that I would look to the parable of the Master of the house and I would live my life with the understanding that He was coming back to check on the house.  I said I would do so NOT under religious compulsion or some fabricated notion of duty, I would do it because when seeing through His eyes and the reality of Heaven, I am reminded of the most real picture of who it is that we are....

I would cease living lower than my estate called for... I would realize that I have done so daily... I would repent more for not seeing myself through His eyes, His heart, His affections, HIS TRUTH!

Again not out of religious duty but because my heart has been captured and I live enthralled at the idea of how very much I am loved.  I would not live less than that which I am... If a clear picture of all that is to really come for us was branded upon my heart I would live as the Daughter of God that I am....

This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

Lamentation 3

When upon last night the reality of the affection of God surrounded me and strengthened me and opened my eyes to a deeper reality within His heart...  I was reminded to live accordingly by His affections.

It is the love of God that propels me to look at the house of my life and know that I am not my own.. that He is my God.. that there will always... ALWAYS be grace, tenderness, mercy.... ALWAYS.  It is His love and kindness that woos me away from the artificial trappings of temporary relief that the world offers into the depths of the reality of His ways....

The ways of Heaven are raining down upon us.. not necessarily for the signs and wonders, not necessarily for displays of power.. there will be those things....  But the ways of Heaven are raining down upon us so that we can most fully learn His ways... so that in times when the love of most grow cold BUT the need for people for the LIGHT and TRUTH and PASSION of God arises so do His sons and His daughters...

LIVE... BE LOVED... YOU MATTER....

Surviving Ministry........................................

OK.. So I had to take a break from all this "honesty" writing for several reasons....

1. I get to the place where I need to process all the "that's" the Lord is bringing up and yes, even for me there is a place where the journey goes deep and personal and it is JUST He and I.
2. Practical note... When you have one son in college and 5 others getting ready for school amidst a schedule that already has football practices here and dance classes there, there are days that while thoughts swim in my head, my fingers don't get to dance upon the keys.
3. YOU!  

              Yes, you were another reason.

What do I mean by that?

                                    Well, my blog is small and I'm really ok with that.

 I'm not used to emails and comments and lots of feedback.

                                                                               But some of the last postings must of hit a cord.


So I was responding to emails and trying to process the reality of the comments and pray!

I know I am on a new journey.  I know that this journey is something that the Lord has placed me within.  So much about me is changing.  So much about the way I think, the way I want to think, the way I operate... so much change in and around me.  It can be a bit overwhelming at times and so I wanted to pull back on the reins a little bit.

 I wanted to make sure that I wasn't chasing something that the Lord wasn't doing.  I wanted to pause... (Selah..) and meditate and seek God and really hear from Him and count the cost that it takes to walk so openly. SO YOU!  I paused because YOU matter more than anything I write and I would never want to use emotions or words to manipulate or conjure up an experience or emotions.  

I don't follow hype.  And if there is momentum, I actually make sure it pauses before it goes full throttle... I think that there is a godly principal in that.  To check and recheck that it is indeed the Lord that is building the house... I've labored in vain too many times, I don't want that to, by the grace of God, ever be my life... ever again...  

BUT I'M Back....................................

This morning all the kids went back to school...

There were so many thoughts upon my heart and mind.  So I just settled in .. The pause thing with the Lord is so satisfying.  It renders me to a place where it isn't about me, my thoughts, my life and it becomes about Him....  What is He saying?  What is my Father doing?  I am His... He is for me.....  I walked my youngest son to the bus stop this morning... With the shadows of the Fall we played....  I realized at one point Gregory was walking in my shadow and I just smiled and glanced up... I am walking in His shadow, my Father's shadow, the shadow of the Lord Most High, at all times...

So I drove to a favorite local location.. got coffee and sat in a corner most table...  And didn't go for my laptop first... I am a pen and paper kind of girl and when my thoughts are all swirling and dancing and creating one of those carnival type swirled paint pictures I leave the keys and  turn to journal and pen..........

But as I reached for the pen, a calm and peace and the truest reality heightened the fact that He is always with us....  

He was with me before those moments...  AND He is with me outside of those moments where He draws my attentions to Himself in heightened ways...

BUT OH HOW.. HOW, I LOVE THOSE HEIGHTENED WAYS!!

I had been processing the move, the transitions, life.....  This morning as I drove away from the preschool with all the children now, officially, at all their schools, I remembered the preschool in Fort Mill.  I remembered the preschool in Fort Mill, I remembered Nation Ford High School, I thought of Clemson, I thought of Fort Mill Middle School, I thought of the past year... I thought of the events that had surrounded our life... I thought about the move, I thought about the word, "disorientation," I thought about concepts such as hope, kindness, friendship, communication.. I thought about how I picture things versus the reality of the ways things play out, I thought and I thought.....

And then His voice... that still small voice that when it speaks it COMMANDS an army!  That still small voice that calls all things into being... That still small voice that reverberates throughout creation and changes all things... HIM!  His still small voice!

All He said at first was, "Surviving Ministry..." And I thought I knew what He meant... And all too quickly realized I didn't....

The first pastor I served at came back from attending a pastor's conference and laughed about how the theme song among the attendees was based around the song, "I'll do anything for love.. but I won't do that."  That mentality set a course that has been a long time washing off... Sadly, I have seen variations of  that that are a ton times worse.

Today.. as I heard the words, "Surviving Ministry,"  and as thoughts danced and swirled ... I saw Christ... I saw Jesus and I heard the beating of His heart... and this my friends.. this is the reality of the Kingdom...

We don't survive ministry... Jesus didn't survive the earthly ministry His Father asked of Him.. not really.. He followed out His course unto death....

A friend posted this scripture on Facebook today... 

Father, I desire that they whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold [see and experience] My glory which You have given Me… (Jn 17:24)

To be with Jesus.. to be where He is is to be resurrected... BUT resurrection ONLY happens after death!

We don't survive ministry...  Maybe we don't even "survive" each other...

• No greater love than this that we lay our lives down for a friend
• Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it but whoever loses his life will find it
• Walking the extra and then the extra and then the extra mile
• There is no "I'll do anything for love.. But I won't do that," when following Jesus and calling Him, Lord.
• Jesus LOVED .. .let me say that again, JESUS LOVED and LOVES the people.. all the people; the children, the women, the lost, the down trodden, the rich, the poor, the religious, the lost... He loves them all.. He loves us all
• We all need friends who will tear open roofs for us....

WE AREN'T CALLED TO SURVIVE "MINISTRY,"  

We are called to be crucified with Christ and to no longer live....

We are called to not speak of our own and not act on our own but to look to Him and see as He sees...

Trusted are the wounds of a friend

We are called to death.. not to survival... We are called to crucifixion not to survival...  We are called to resurrection.. not to survival....  We are called to life.... not to survival....  

Surviving Ministry.. what interesting two words the Father used to begin our conversation this morning... birthed the realization.. I'm not called nor was I created for survival....  It isn't survival of the fittest.... It is who will inherit the earth?