Going back to when I didn't know...

I'll never forget the day, when I listened to a co-ed express how she had lied upon her application, it was  to gain entrance to the Christian college that we were both attending way back when.

Way back then I didn't know much....

I had had a visitation..

I had prayed a prayer that I didn't even know had a name.. (ie the Sinner's prayer)..

I had spoken words out of desperation...

I had asked if He had existed...

In seconds I knew 5 things...

There was a God
It had to do with Jesus Christ
It had to do with the cross
It had to do with the bible..
He was going to lead me somewhere to teach me more about Himself....

I had thought that last thing was the first place I would go to learn.. (said Christian college referenced above..) I didn't realize it was an invitation to the life I was going to live....

But before I knew anything...
Before I knew official prayer
Before I knew how to tell the story of my "getting saved."
I knew I loved Him....
I knew He answered to me when I called

That was enough....

Back to my story that I shared...  the co-ed who had lied.. back then I didn't get it.. why would she lie?  Why would she have to?   Sadly, two decades later I get it....

Back then I didn't...

I hadn't realized that my visitation now classified me as a Christian...

So when I called said school my question was, "I'm Jewish can I even come to your school."

I hadn't realized that my visitation now classified me as one who had a "relationship" with God.

So when I had to write an essay "describing my relationship with God," I wrote that I didn't have one but explained about what was happening in my life...

I hadn't realized that I had been "born again."

So when having to fill out a survey answering that question if I had ever had a "born again" experience, I wrote, "no," isn't that a cult.

I hadn't realized that I had prayed the most profound prayer I would ever pray.

So I wept not thinking I knew how to pray.

I hadn't realized that I had admitted my utmost need...............

In my not knowing I knew....... In my innocence I trusted... In my new found faith I leapt...

Twenty years plus later I am embracing the truth and reality of the fact that I have learned to "know" things... except I step back and away and go back to those first few moments where I knew not anything and was known by God...

"we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. 2If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know; 3but if anyone loves God, he is known by Him.…" (1 Corinthians 8:2)

AND

Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise. (1 Corinthians 3:18)

I'm not standing at that first window when unknowingly I prayed a prayer that would forever altar the course of my life.  I'm standing at a new door.  Praying a prayer that I plead alters the course of my life.....

When things have been decimated... Or in search of Samoset or Squanto...

I battled with the Lord this morning... As I awoke, I had the culmination of weeks of thought come together for a blog post.  Why did I battle ?  Read on....

The last couple of weeks have been a very interesting mix.  Many thoughts.  Lots of reading.  Lots of soul searching.  Nothing was to be left sacred in my belief/life except for the fact that I have a husband and 6 kids and believe thoroughly in Jesus Christ.


Maybe thanksgiving morning isn't the time to post such a blog but that is where you get the option to not read....  My friend shared from the stage last Sunday about the pilgrims.  Just briefly talking about the 50 who out survived and out lasted their 70 friends in order to be able to "celebrate" the first thankgiving.  120 people.  50 survivors... I want to be snarky here and say that none of them won the 1,000,000 prize....

But they came together to give thanks...  So I looked up my puritan brothers and William Bradford and found a simple article, http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/The-Pilgrim-Fathers.htm . It's a very small synopsis and doesn't at all go into any depth.  But for my point I wasn't looking for depth just basic information.  What I found were some quotes that hit a spot.

When this article sums up the Pilgrims plights in England as, "These people were the Pilgrim Fathers. The Pilgrim Fathers saw little chance of England becoming a country in which they wished to live. They viewed it as un-Godly and moving from a bad to worse state. The Pilgrim Fathers believed that a new start in the New World was their only chance."  It doesn't do their plight justice.

But this blog isn't a history lesson.. Go research what was happening to these people of faith and why they had to leave England to save their lives....


So back to my life.... Well, two decades of ministry have left me with many questions.  Through repentance and forgiveness and lots of prayer...I have come to places that contain more gratitude than bitterness.  But for me things can not stay the same....

When the ground of my life has been decimated and foundations brought back down to earth, I have lifted my eyes to the Heavens.  There is ground that can't be built upon.  Some of that ground can't ever be built upon again.  It's gone....  It isn't a bad thing... it is just where things are...

I have built wrongly in the past.  The truth is I will build wrongly again.  Hopefully not as much.

There are lessons I hope I have learned...  Pilgrims learned the "seeds" brought over from England wouldn't work in the soil of the New America.  And they needed the natives help...  A Native American called Squanto helped those Pilgrim Fathers who survived the harsh winter." (again very elementary.. but again NOT a history lesson.)

"Lord, whose my Squanto?"

"Who are the natives?"

From Matthew 11:29 I got my answer......

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.

AND

John 16:13 gave answers.....

"But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come.

There are many lessons I bring forward... A very wise friend of mine once gave me the best instructions to survive professional ministry....  learn what to do and what not to do.. Keep eyes open and mouths shut.. I do better with eyes open than I do with mouths shut..... JUST SAYING

For me I am searching out the heart of God... What does it mean to serve God... What do I believe.. How am I to live...  What is it to look like in my life....  There are some givens.. I'm not playing with those but when there is the New Monastic movement and Shane Claiborne on one side of the spectrum and the Joel Osteens and Steven Furticks on the other side and lots of in between  for me I must find the elements of expression that are forged in the Father's heart.....

It's going to take a while....  And while neither Queen Elizabeth I nor King James is looking to take my life, I feel the depth of need for an orientation of service that will fill out my life...

 When things have been decimated... when the terrains of life become waste places all I have found to do that is profitable is to wait upon the Lord... Try to plant that which I have to give and move forward through each obstacle that presents itself... BUT waiting upon the Lord...  Waiting upon Him.. He renews strength.. And with new strength I am finding the capacity to arise and take action.....

There is a core hunger for an expression of the Father within my life and overflow that will not be satisfied...  A desire towards investigation of spirit and truth.... The people exclaimed of Jesus that He was unlike their scribes.. He spoke as one with authority... Where is that authority upon the earth being demonstrated?  I believe the Kingdom of God has both come and is at hand...  What is the expression to look like?

I'm no theologian, that list could go on and on about the things I am not.. But walking the last season of years have left me hungry and there is a promise that I will be satisfied.   (Luke 6:21) And I can be like Peter and John without official education...  (Acts 4:13) and give what I do have....

What will it look like?  I certainly don't know.. In the words of Jasmine, a Disney princess, "It's a whole new world."  Taking it more seriously... absolutely... But I'll quote who I'll quote and I'll find my way....

I am grateful .. grateful for the wildernesses that have taught me to lean.. grateful for the whispers that have come in the desolation...  grateful for the faithfulness of the Lord who will not abandon me to the ways of man but who leads me forward in search of His heart...

The wilderness has taught me many things...  Gratitude is essential as is joy...  Strength is imparted as is wisdom.. Hearts are forged and a determination to strike out and survive is made fast...

Enjoy thanksgiving... but don't be trite... This year has seen a lot of decimation in the lives of those we love.. celebrate the victory of having made it through...

I come from Laughter... November 27.... What joy really looks like.. Play more... THE JOY CHALLENGE

I'm not the play kind of person... AT ALL.. seriously.. I'm not...  Even with the six kids it has always been hard for me to get down on the ground and play.. or pull out the finger paints and do the arts and crafts thing... I'm not a baker.. I'm not a whole lot of things....  I'm truly a couch potato who could be happy with a laptop and music and quiet contemplation... I really should have been some mystic monk out somewhere else not a mom of 6 kids with a very earthy life...

EXCEPT...

Oh gosh without them .. without those 6 kids I wouldn't be alive... not really...

As more and more of life has gone very wrong, the one thing I hear the most consistently from the Lord is the word.. PLAY....

On the days where nothing could go right and everything was only going very wrong I would feel within the depths of me to get small and find joy... Go search for joy... Every day no matter what was going on around me the search and discovery was to find joy...  More was the occasion to shut down the laptop, step away from the notebooks, power off the phone and go research JOY.... GO experience JOY....

PLAY became powerful

Laughter erupted on the days that I thought could only hold things that were bleak and daunting...

A pervading peace rolled in powering away the dark ominous clouds and I found the ability to breath....

PLAY...

I climbed a tree...
Got down with chalk
Sung kids songs at the top of my voice as Lizzie and I walked from the parking lot of her preschool into the classroom.. Oh YES .. I did,,,

Skidamarink a dink a dink
Skidamarink a do
I love you

OR

Skip skip skip to my lou
Skip skip skip to my lou
Skip skip skip to my lou
Skip to my lou my darling...

I love Lizzie how about you..
I love Lizzie you should too..
I love Lizzie I'll scream til I'm blue
Skip to my lou my darling...

Twirling... swirling.. laughter...

It didn't change circumstances...
There are still so very many problems that seem insurmountable and heart ache and sickness that surround me... And times when they close in and the thought of play seems reprehensible...

BUT what I found out was that in those moments... even as tears fall fast and furious .. and grief seems as it will never be washed away .. loss seems as if it will only ever continue and the landscape of life will only continue to be scattered with gruesome reality...  What becomes paramount to existence is to find out how to incorporate play into all aspects of life then...

No I didn't become the mom of the year with baking marathons and art projects galore...  I searched out and discovered what PLAY would be for me and took deep breaths and dared to find joy amidst the unceasing storms..

 I dared to laugh, I dared to enjoy, I dared to eclipse sorrow with song and in those moments found a melody that could carry me upon its wings and cause me to soar above troubles...  I arose upon wings of eagles and touch triumph...

Jesus laughing is one of my favorite pictures.. Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding so indicative of the heart of the future bridegroom....  Jesus pulling the little children up upon His lap...

Life is so heavy... and the trials and tribulations and situations and circumstances that are before our eyes heart breaking.. in the midst of grief.. in the midst of sin.. in the midst of horror or just plain drudgery... Dare to play.. Dare to touch joy ...  Dare to imbibe ....

Circumstances are still what they are and situations haven't changed but I'm remembering that I come forth from laughter and while there are moments where the tears and the trembling wreck havoc with my heart and body... I turn my tear stained face to the Heavens and remember, "this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.. " the lovingkindnesses of God are new every morning and GREAT is His faithfulness unto me....

Today... as we near the end of our 30 day challenge towards JOY... REMEMBER...... PLAY

Because your hungry.. But you don't have to sell your birthright for a bowl of soup...

So silence and solitude.... the two words that are before me.. How does a mom of 6 get that?  Honestly I'm not sure...  and being about to embark upon a road trip for the holidays.. again I don't know.. except I'm taking the moments...  shutting out and shutting up.  There are times and moments where those are the only two crutches that I can walk with....

The other day the Lord had me thinking about Esau and how in his hunger he sold his birthright for a bowl of food. There was a moment of hunger. His momentary hunger dictated everything to him. It was real. It was what he felt. The bowl of soup meant more to him then his identity. His birthright's worth meant nothing to him, nothing more than a bowl of soup...

What do I daily sell out my birthright for?  What do I so easily give away?  What don't I push back upon and what do I cling to?

I'll give it to Esau that he wanted what he could see.. He wanted what would satisfy.. He wasn't thinking long term.. He was thinking, hunger.. NOW... Fill it... And there was his brother willing to gain... 

There is an eternal perspective.. A heavenly perspective within that story that I truly feel like I need to capture.. because I sell out my birthright for momentary earthly gain... we feed a hunger, a need, a want because we want, we need and we hunger. Thinking more of the moment than eternity.

There are moments where I would love that there would be an immediate answer or filling of a desperate need....  It isn't those moments that scare me though... The moments that scare me are the moments when that immediate answer presents itself...  "Here...." Says it...  Why go into a wilderness for 40 days and face trials and temptations?  Why not just take for yourself?  It will surely feel better.. Your hunger/need will go away... 

The birthright of overcomer.. the birthright of son or daughter ..  Is stolen in those moments... Momentary relief followed by consequences beyond imagination....  

The stomach gets full but the soul is left wanting....

It can be ministry as much as it can be sex, it can be food as much as it can be drugs, it can be alcohol as much as it can be diet soda... Whatever we fill that need with BUT God...  we sacrifice who we are on an altar that is not of God...

It is hard to stand hungry
It is brutal to stand cold
It is scary to stand lonely
It is sad to stand in grief

At some point I must choose that who I am is more important then hunger, that who I am is more important then granting to myself some momentary false comfort... at some point I must turn my back away from a culture and an enemy that taunts and says, "turn these stones into bread." And at some point I must believe that having asked for bread He will not give me a stone.... At some point I must choose that who He is is faithful, that who He is is good...  That who He is is worth waiting for ....

I must believe that

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

I don't have to sell my birthright as to not be hungry... I must allow hunger as to enter into my birthright...

I don't have to sell my birthright as to not be lonely and grief stricken.. I must mourn as to receive comfort...

My right to new birth was granted by one who gave all He had ... a price beyond comprehension and my most fervent prayer has become for strength that in the immediate I would not disregard such a gift....

I Come From Laughter... November 21, 2013 ... What joy really looks like.. The Joy Challenge..

Joy isn't fluff.

Joy isn't necessarily giddy, and laughter, and play...  

Joy is a substantial force for which I am grateful....  

Joy arrives as an opportunity .. 

Joy arrives as a choice...

Joy arrives and says risk choosing me again and again and again...

 I look at joy and say YES.. Yes, I will risk upon you again, Yes, I will let you touch my heart.. yes, I will let you be my strength... I will let you be my song... 

Joy isn't because anything is going right or well.. Joy just is... 

1) Joy today is 21 years of marriage... good, bad, great and ugly.. but 21 years together none the less...  it is 21 years ... I have been married for as many years as I wasn't... Joy is walking along side someone who has seen you at your best and your worst and is still willing to take the next step...

2)Listening to my husband read to me.. FAVORITE past time and not so past time...  I love his voice

3)I touched joy today when I paused and caught my breathe, looked up at the sky and saw it was blue..

4)Joy is knowing that you have friends that can see your house a complete mess ..  that can see you a complete mess...

5) Joy is a nap

6) Joy is a shower

7) Joy is seeing the heart of God for someone else

8)Joy is the color orange (and purple)

9) Joy is the promise that lo He is with me always

10) Joy is a warm house

11)Joy is comfy PJs

12) Joy is the unexpected pleasure of a friend just dropping by 

13) Joy is having shoes

14) Joy is eating popcorn

15) Joy is seeing the woods and going for a walk

16) Joy is simple homework that I can help with

17) Joy is my husband letting me warm my cold feet up against his leg

18)Joy is watching Greg and Lizzie play with ornaments and letting them...

19) Joy is playing legos

20) Joy is encountering deer that are so familiar with human beings that they barely look up and acknowledge me.. yes, we have probably close to 10 deer that wander around our house on any given day and don't run away immediately when we come out or our dog barks... pretty crazy

21) Joy is realizing I could learn a lot from those deer....

When the shock sets in...

There are times I wonder if I should keep my mouth shut... and I am sure there are times when I should and I don't and times when I do that I shouldn't...

Tonight I can't tell which one should apply...

Maybe that it is my key to not write and play it safe.. but I'm not a real play it safe kind of girl...  and there is so much upon my heart and floating around in my head that if I don't write I will burst.  While I publish this blog and I am aware of the fact that it is not a private journal.. It is my way of sorting things out...  Read or don't read that would be your choice... My choice is that I need the comfort of closing my eyes and feeling my fingers dance upon the keys, I need to bring letters into words into sentences.....  This truly isn't for you.. this is sincerely for me... 

The range of topics upon my heart these days run such a wide gamut... And even as I begin to write tonight I can see so very many different trails upon which my heart hungers to go down.. I reach a bottle neck in writing for a variety of reasons.. Times of being really busy, times where I don't know what to say, times I am trying to be wise and not come and write because my heart just doesn't feel like it is in the right place and there are times to be silent and times to speak...

I found myself lost today.. staring at a table, staring at the blue sky, staring.....  no thoughts.. just staring...  If I am honest it isn't just today... and there are days upon days where I have just sat and dazed.. not meditated..  not paused.. dazed...

My heart is heavy with grief... and my eyes are full of sorrow...  

Someone told me recently some advice they were given in regards to one scenario that is in my life right now.. It's a marathon not a sprint.... I've been clinging to that... I've never run a marathon but I have talked to people who have and I get the analogy...  At some point it hurts to keep running.. at some point the finish line doesn't seem to ever come....  at some point you are keenly aware of every breath.. every muscle.. every movement and yet you keep going....  One can not survive a marathon if the pace that is taken is that of  a sprint, one has to be wise...

I guess I kept thinking that something was going to return to normal.. What I am realizing is that it isn't... There will be a new normal... But it won't ever be the same ever again... There are moments that were before and now there are moments after and moments to come...

It was like that when my biological father died.. life would never be the same...  life continued and moved forward but the course altered drastically and the shock of that season and the ripple affects went on and on for quite some time...

So now I find myself wanting "normal" and wanting "familiar" and those things are not going to be in my path.. they aren't... I can continue to live in a daze.. a fog and I am sure there will be plenty of moments where that will be the case.. but there are also moments I must keep running... The finish line hasn't been crossed and while the terrain seems unbearable it MUST be transversed... There isn't another option...

So I realize shock has set in.. I realize there isn't anything I can do to get anything back to what it was and what it will be hasn't been determined yet....  I realize I will not be the life of the party any time soon... I realize that I am weak.. I realize that I'm sad .. I realize that I must mourn...  

Today I come to terms with the fact that shock has set in... and that the road ahead is not familiar nor is it one that I would have necessarily chosen 100%...  I gasp out a prayer for grace... I sit and contemplate mercy...  tenderlovingkindnesses of the Lord that never cease...  Tonight I curl up upon my sofa and I stop fighting to be strong and let Him be strong for me.. Tonight I cease striving and admit that He is God and I am not and that without Him I am screwed....  Tonight I weep with those who weep...

One day there will be a new normal.. Tonight, tomorrow.. next week.. next month it isn't going to be that.... But one day.. one day when I'm not even fully aware I will pause and realize I have touched something familiar and a new normal will have begun....

Shock has set in.... the realization that I have fought to keep it at bay and I can't keep it at bay has arrived...  the onus is now upon me to call to mind God's faithfulness.. His truth, His ways... Him... His love...  Shock has set in and while it is suffocating and completely disorienting I do acknowledge that He is the way, the truth and the light...

In the times when the darkness seems so grand and the path a head seems only bleak...  I think to myself about those living in the land of death shade and how upon them a light dawned and cling to the reality that Christ brings an orientation out of sorrow...  He was a man of many sorrows and so He gets it....

I don't have a "normal" now and "familiar" isn't the word I can use to describe my life....  But I can find an oasis of grace and I am learning that in the acknowledgement I need not fear .. nor need I be afraid...  I do know that this will pass...   I don't know what the picture will look like to emerge from these times but I know there is a picture to be had....  He knows the plans He has for me and they are plans to not bring harm but to bring hope and a future to my life.....  I will wait upon Him for only with Him are found the words of life and He is the place from which my help comes from....

I look forward to the day when I am reoriented to that which life will be and I acknowledge that disorientation and reorientation will be a process through which I will continue to walk.. I pray that His joy will be my strength and that His perfect love will cast out fear....

"No, he didn't sleep with his secretary or steal money..."

Tonight I fall to my knees.  Tonight I bow my head low. Tonight I gasp for air.  Tonight I plead for grace.  Tonight I long for mercy.  Tonight I look up to the Heavens.  Tonight I let the tears fall.

Tonight I struggle for words.


Tonight I sat in an apartment of a dear friend.

The stories just kept pouring out of her heart.  I listened.  I dazed off.  I listened some more.

This youth worker found dead in his closet on an overdose... Her son had loved him.  He had been a great youth pastor. He had loved the kids. The kids had loved him.  He was amazing at what he did.  What happened?  Had the man behind the amazing youth pastor even ever been considered as a man or was he just a talented youth leader?  Was there someone watching over him and caring about him in regards to his own life.....

This other youth worker had an affair with the chorus director.  Both ran off leaving spouses, kids and church stunned.

This one church in Florida had seen more than even "Days of our Lives," could muster up and I just listened as the stories culminated in some very tragic events in the lives of senior leadership.

I listened.  I did daze off...  and then I listened some more...

I've been in ministry over 20 years.  YET....

Tonight I fall to my knees.  Tonight I bow my head low. Tonight I gasp for air.  Tonight I plead for grace.  Tonight I long for mercy.  Tonight I look up to the Heavens.  Tonight I let the tears fall.

Tonight I struggle for words.

We are all the publican.  We are all the pharisee.  We will all admit sin.. We will all confess sometime, "thank God, I am not like that sinner over there."  We are all the publican.  We are all the pharisee.

It is not a crisis of faith nor is it lack of understanding.  I'm very grateful for classes that I took early on in my faith walk in regards to separating out the man from the giftings of God.  I have seen over the decades how people get those things confused.  Putting men/women on pedestals that only God should ever sit on and that no man or woman could ever maintain, never ends well for anyone.  I have seen celebrity and notions of celebrity only grow in the western church as the name of men and women get lifted up more than the name of Christ. Results are often disastrous somewhere within the tale.

It isn't just the man or woman.. the masses are there too. Of course when things happen as they will the masses rarely claim their part.  The masses are fickle. If the trajectory is an upward one many will ride on those coat tails and yet at the first signs of loss of favor or personal injustice they disperse and run in the opposite direction..

Jesus was hailed one week and crucified the next.

I write this tonight because it matters... it matters to me because as one in ministry with the understanding that   there would be any that would look towards me for spiritual guidance, it has to matter.  I think these issues must be looked at and addressed.  For the sake of the leaders.. for the sake of those they lead..

 I lay these issues open and with a cry and a prayer speak to my Father, who hears before I speak and answers before I call.

I love the faith of this one young person I know and love.. .. it is raw and real and his....  some aspects of his beliefs are definitely formed out of a reaction to religion and hypocrisy.  I respect him. I respect where he comes from.  We can disagree on somethings and I know we are both in process.

Sitting across from him recently I had both what will end up being a life time favorite conversation as well as a conversation I wish I could forget.  How can it be both?  It was long.  It was beautiful and then it wasn't and then it was again.

He asked me out right about somethings he was wondering about... His request was simple, "tell me he didn't do what ministers do..."  I looked at this young man and I looked and I looked.  I heard his heart express how much an individual meant to him, how much he had learned, how moved he had been to listen to the sermons.  A young man who won't just listen to just anyone had had his faith kept intact through the years partially because of another.

Then came the statement... the request ... "tell me he didn't do what ministers do.."

"What do ministers do?" Was my safe response.

"Sleep with the secretary or steal money."

I was relieved... "No, he didn't sleep with his secretary or steal money."  I was relieved and grieved... Grieved that this young man would equate the title, "minister," with such things...

Top on his list wasn't .. feeding the poor, healing the sick, loving the outcast....

We then spoke on grace.. not cheap grace BUT grace... we then spoke about Jesus and the reality of our need and we kept speaking on a variety of topics...  I listened and I listened and I listened... I know this young man will be ok.. I know he will be more than ok...  I know that he is in the palm of his Father's hand and that nothing will pluck him from that place... It is with that knowledge that Pharisee and Publican can rest assured...

I am pharisee.. I am publican.. I am His daughter... Standing in the palm of His hand.. resting in the fact that I can't get plucked out from that place.. I am need of grace... I am in need of mercy...  I am in need of wisdom.. I am in need...

SO

Tonight I fall to my knees.  Tonight I bow my head low. Tonight I gasp for air.  Tonight I plead for grace.  Tonight I long for mercy.  Tonight I look up to the Heavens.  Tonight I let the tears fall.

"You are like Jonah." The Father said. My heart was His as were my ears....

I love to read.. I love to write and I love expression and conversation.  But as of late I feel my insides going quiet.  I feel a need towards solitude and silence.  I feel a need towards simplicity and towards Christ. The simplicity and complexity of Christ has my heart stirred.

I keep thinking of Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers... Fabulous book...  10,000 hours.. I have written about this before here...  Jesus is alive... Jesus is knowable.  What the Father is doing is able to be known and seen and taken part in....  Jesus didn't even speak on His own initiative.  Jesus only did that which He saw the Father doing....

I wonder how much I would do and how much I would speak if I followed that rule...

On this one day in particular.. not too long ago.. I was sad and really struggling through some events that are happening in and around my life...

"I didn't take his kingship away," the Father said all of a sudden.  "I didn't take his kingship away." He repeated Himself and I knew He was talking about David.  I also knew He was answering a million unasked questions.  "You are a lot like Jonah." He said.  I listened....

I want to pause here and express that His presence was wonderful, beautiful and full of love... He was gentle, corrective with a tone that could melt butter on a cold winter day.  He was that which He is and it was beautiful.. I needed Him to speak to me. I was grateful that He disciplines those He loves.  These are the things that so many don't want to really talk about.. Me on the other hand.. rebuke away.. I want to grow up into the maturity in the spirit that He wants me to walk within..

"It isn't so much that you expect me to smite them," He said.

And what He was about to say would undo me and has continued to undo me ever since He spoke those words...

"You expect me to smite you.. so you await me to smite them. You don't know how to receive mercy because you are always awaiting judgement. I want to heal your heart.  I am not going to smite you.  Don't be angry when I don't smite them... Don't be afraid that I will smite you.  I am merciful beyond comprehension."

There weren't the words to respond to Him.  Just tears...

I was raised with extreme criticism.  I was raised with anger.  I was raised that mistakes weren't permissible. Yet I make them all the time... So fear reigned...

Fear reigned in my relationships

Fear reigned in my jobs

Fear reigned in my ministry

Fear reigned...

I experienced loss and anger and disappointment in relationships, work and ministry.  More times than not mistakes weren't allowed and lack in persona perceived or real resulted in loss....

Fear again ruled...

Except now.. Now I am trying to hear that which He would say.. and in His rebuke there is a gentleness and the stark reality of a love so deep and so real that it truly undoes me... Doesn't excuse me.. but forgives me.  Calls sin SIN... But has provided for the reality of my truly deep need for forgiveness.

I am my Father's daughter.. In Him there are treasures for evermore.. not that I get the Mercedes.. NO.. I get something so much richer and so much better.. I get PEACE.

I come from Laughter... November 13, 2013 ... Day 13 of the Joy Challenge

Joy is being defined and redefined for me as I walk through these days....

The components I wondered about have played there parts however new elements have also been added...  The JOY of the LORD is our STRENGTH... What does that mean on a tangible, day to day basis?

Leaping into...

Gladness

Strength

Sorrow

Discovery

Living....

13 for the day... Moments 79-92 for the Joy Challenge......

1) Smelling my 4 years old toes... YUP! As disgusting as it sounds the opportunity presented itself one sweet and quiet afternoon and I held onto those toes and took a deep sniff... It was gross but the giggles will last me a life time....

2) Standing on my porch in the morning .. pausing .. stretching.. closing my eyes and feeling the cold air upon my face.. it is in the pausing that the joy comes.. I hate the cold.. But learning to pause more and more in life.. whether it be 30 seconds or 30 minutes or 30 hours.. learning to put the pause button on and take the time..

3)Putting my phone away... again whether it is 30 minutes or a whole day.. that phone goes away and surprisingly life goes on and is actually even extremely satisfying...

4) Saying what is on my mind.. Ceasing to edit every word or thought that would come forth from my mouth.. Why is this joyous? Because fear used to keep it closed off... Whether I am right or wrong or just plain ugly.. sometimes Mims unedited is what I must do for myself....

5) Seeing my oldest son...  Learning that with the other 5 moments are fleeting.. grab each one while not being held captive to the idea of having to grab each one... but realizing and appreciating life goes on and on.. it is worth it to take captive moments and not just let them slip by ....

6) Talking to neighbors...  I spend so much of my life in the arena of ministry/church.. I take great joy and delight in the fact when I have great conversations with the people who surround out my life.. I must have more of these

7) Seeing old friends and laughing and crying and being quiet together....  That speaks for itself

8) Realizing that the evening doesn't get to stay.. that the morning does indeed come as does joy..

9)Joy comes when I realize I can reach out and say I'm afraid, I'm tired, I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed.. Joy comes when I know that there are people who love me and who those words can be heard and I can be prayed for and not judged.... that is a huge source of JOY... Learning that as a leader.. especially as a leader I can be just me and matter of fact NOTHING else is really ever being asked .. NOT by the people who matter and NOT by God.

10) Starting a book club... Again looking to meet more of those neighbors.. doing something just for the fun of it....

11) Cleaning the house.. Sometimes the small tasks that actually have immediate or not so immediate (5 hours cleaning up a room ) are so worth it... Joy at a task completed and the impact it makes upon the recipient..

12)  Playing with our dog... He is a golden retriever... and his name is Lincoln and he is a kind ole soul with very bad breath who just wants to be patted... He gives me great joy...

13) Letting the hot water of a shower at the end of the day cascade down my shoulders and pray that it washes away not just the dirt but the day.. picturing being washed by the water of the word undid me last night and it was joyous...


Pausing.. grabbing... celebrating.. the quiet and not so quiet, the calm and not so calm, the  mess and the things that actually work... this is life.. and in it there will be trials and tribulations.. LEARNING to be less and less afraid as I hold the hand of the One who Overcomes it all......

I've seen too many naked emperors...................

It took the voice of a child to speak something no one else was willing to say.....    I shared this story today as I begun teaching a Devotional that will be focused on discernment and understanding spiritual reality through our senses.

The story tells itself .. what I asked of people attending the devotion was that they would journal... Journal 3-4 times this week in regards to which character are you, which character have you been and what trap would you fall more prey to?

I'll let the story speak for itself ... no real commentary needed

The Emperor's New Clothes

Denmark

Many years ago there lived an emperor who loved beautiful new clothes so much that he spent all his money on being finely dressed. His only interest was in going to the theater or in riding about in his carriage where he could show off his new clothes. He had a different costume for every hour of the day. Indeed, where it was said of other kings that they were at court, it could only be said of him that he was in his dressing room!
One day two swindlers came to the emperor's city. They said that they were weavers, claiming that they knew how to make the finest cloth imaginable. Not only were the colors and the patterns extraordinarily beautiful, but in addition, this material had the amazing property that it was to be invisible to anyone who was incompetent or stupid.
"It would be wonderful to have clothes made from that cloth," thought the emperor. "Then I would know which of my men are unfit for their positions, and I'd also be able to tell clever people from stupid ones." So he immediately gave the two swindlers a great sum of money to weave their cloth for him.
They set up their looms and pretended to go to work, although there was nothing at all on the looms. They asked for the finest silk and the purest gold, all of which they hid away, continuing to work on the empty looms, often late into the night.
"I would really like to know how they are coming with the cloth!" thought the emperor, but he was a bit uneasy when he recalled that anyone who was unfit for his position or stupid would not be able to see the material. Of course, he himself had nothing to fear, but still he decided to send someone else to see how the work was progressing.
"I'll send my honest old minister to the weavers," thought the emperor. He's the best one to see how the material is coming. He is very sensible, and no one is more worthy of his position than he.
So the good old minister went into the hall where the two swindlers sat working at their empty looms. "Goodness!" thought the old minister, opening his eyes wide. "I cannot see a thing!" But he did not say so.
The two swindlers invited him to step closer, asking him if it wasn't a beautiful design and if the colors weren't magnificent. They pointed to the empty loom, and the poor old minister opened his eyes wider and wider. He still could see nothing, for nothing was there. "Gracious" he thought. "Is it possible that I am stupid? I have never thought so. Am I unfit for my position? No one must know this. No, it will never do for me to say that I was unable to see the material."
"You aren't saying anything!" said one of the weavers.
"Oh, it is magnificent! The very best!" said the old minister, peering through his glasses. "This pattern and these colors! Yes, I'll tell the emperor that I am very satisfied with it!"
"That makes us happy!" said the two weavers, and they called the colors and the unusual pattern by name. The old minister listened closely so that he would be able say the same things when he reported back to the emperor, and that is exactly what he did.
The swindlers now asked for more money, more silk, and more gold, all of which they hid away. Then they continued to weave away as before on the empty looms.
The emperor sent other officials as well to observe the weavers' progress. They too were startled when they saw nothing, and they too reported back to him how wonderful the material was, advising him to have it made into clothes that he could wear in a grand procession. The entire city was alive in praise of the cloth. "Magnifique! Nysseligt! Excellent!" they said, in all languages. The emperor awarded the swindlers with medals of honor, bestowing on each of them the title Lord Weaver.
The swindlers stayed up the entire night before the procession was to take place, burning more than sixteen candles. Everyone could see that they were in a great rush to finish the emperor's new clothes. They pretended to take the material from the looms. They cut in the air with large scissors. They sewed with needles but without any thread. Finally they announced, "Behold! The clothes are finished!"
The emperor came to them with his most distinguished cavaliers. The two swindlers raised their arms as though they were holding something and said, "Just look at these trousers! Here is the jacket! This is the cloak!" and so forth. "They are as light as spider webs! You might think that you didn't have a thing on, but that is the good thing about them."
"Yes," said the cavaliers, but they couldn't see a thing, for nothing was there.
"Would his imperial majesty, if it please his grace, kindly remove his clothes." said the swindlers. "Then we will fit you with the new ones, here in front of the large mirror."
The emperor took off all his clothes, and the swindlers pretended to dress him, piece by piece, with the new ones that were to be fitted. They took hold of his waist and pretended to tie something about him. It was the train. Then the emperor turned and looked into the mirror.
"Goodness, they suit you well! What a wonderful fit!" they all said. "What a pattern! What colors! Such luxurious clothes!"
"The canopy to be carried above your majesty awaits outside," said the grandmaster of ceremonies.
"Yes, I am ready!" said the emperor. "Don't they fit well?" He turned once again toward the mirror, because it had to appear as though he were admiring himself in all his glory.
The chamberlains who were to carry the train held their hands just above the floor as if they were picking up the train. As they walked they pretended to hold the train high, for they could not let anyone notice that they could see nothing.
The emperor walked beneath the beautiful canopy in the procession, and all the people in the street and in their windows said, "Goodness, the emperor's new clothes are incomparable! What a beautiful train on his jacket. What a perfect fit!" No one wanted it to be noticed that he could see nothing, for then it would be said that he was unfit for his position or that he was stupid. None of the emperor's clothes had ever before received such praise.
"But he doesn't have anything on!" said a small child.
"Good Lord, let us hear the voice of an innocent child!" said the father, and whispered to another what the child had said.
"A small child said that he doesn't have anything on!"
Finally everyone was saying, "He doesn't have anything on!"
The emperor shuddered, for he knew that they were right, but he thought, "The procession must go on!" He carried himself even more proudly, and the chamberlains walked along behind carrying the train that wasn't there.

Just because your ultra conservative " jesus" wasn't Jesus doesn't make your ultra liberal "jesus" Him either.....

I don't walk in those circles much... I don't mind... And at the end of this I might come across as a simpleton, a fool or a child... in all ways I am ok with each.. because I don't mind simple, I will be a fool for Christ, and in this time we live in the faith of a child is often what is needed.  Actually what is probably needed is a child who is willing to say, to whatever emperor that is parading around with the "finest" of clothes that they aren't.. they are simply NAKED.

In this I want to be liken to that child and say to those who parade around being followed by those who don't really see but pretend to see, that there is a nakedness that needs to be covered not condemned.  So I desire to act like the boys of Noah who walked in backwards covering up nakedness but not being unaware...

I remember having a conversation with one who was trying to figure out what Jesus would say to a homosexual friend.....  He brought up good points.  As I listened to Him speak I heard thoughts and opinions and was intrigued.  He spoke of his more conservative friends and then he spoke of his more liberal friends and he shared his heart.

Recently I have been pulled into some personal research.  So much talk about this one and that one from the Emerging church.  And I am interested.  I'm interested in a jesus that appeals to the masses.  Jesus appealed to the masses until He didn't.

There are things that people's ears are always going to be itchy to hear... we read that in scripture. There are hearts out there that have been so hurt by traditional, "conservative" religion that they attributed to Jesus.. People who had the millstones of the Pharisees put around their necks and the weight and the burden of it is too much to bear.  The pendulum is swinging and swinging dangerously high towards the other end.

Back to my friend who was wondering what Jesus would say to his homosexual friend.  I listened to terms, liberal.. conservative... and I responded in some manner like this....


I am not in circles that talk much about "liberal" or "conservative,"  we talk about Jesus.  I think Jesus would have a lot to say to the liberal church.  I think Jesus would have a lot to say about the conservative church.  I think it would be liken to the experience in Revelation.  "This you do well... This I have against you."  I think we are delusional and given over to deception if we receive the message of one side of the pendulum over the other.

I think Jesus would have words that would astonish all that heard what He would speak to your friend.  I think that you couldn't predict truly what it is that He would say.  I think that is what terrifies everyone who tries to follow Him.  You are following Him and so are the crowds but then He stops and says something like you must eat His flesh and drink His blood and the crowds disperse.

I wonder if He would  speak to your friend in parables or if He would speak directly to Him.  I wonder if He would call your friend out of a tree like Zacchaeus and say He was going to eat at his house today, I wonder if He would drop down into the dust and begin to write and getting up He would speak that there was no one that is left to condemn and neither would He BUT go and sin  no more.. AH yes.. my friends of the liberal side of the pendulum... JESUS.. the real Jesus, says things like, "go and sin no more."

What would Jesus say to the homosexual friend.  I don't know.  I haven't sat with that person.  I haven't heard their story.  I know this.. Jesus wouldn't say what the conservative church 9 times out of 10 would say to him... but I know this as well.. Jesus wouldn't say what the liberal church 9 times out of 10 would say to him either... I know this.. Jesus would be Jesus...

I know this.. there are people who know my name who have never met me and have only heard my voice or read what I have written.  Because I share pictures of my family and I you have seen pictures of me... You know this about me.. You know I am white. You know that I am female.  You don't know that I am 42 but I am telling you that fact.  You know I speak English.  I don't have much of an accent we have moved around too much.

So I am not European.  I am not black.  I am not Native American.  I am not male.  I am not 25 but I am not 69.  If someone wanted to describe me to someone else who didn't know me they COULD say whatever they wanted.  Some might be true. Some might not.  You would have to meet me and see me and know me to know what I am and what I am not.  You would have to know my nature and character.

Now where my nature and character sadly might change depending on the time of month or how tired I am .. we are promised that God has no shadow of turning that He is who He is...

I have to say I feel safe and terrified by Jesus as He is... He will point out my sin but He will forgive me and set me back upon my feet and walk with me....  He won't let me get away with whining that there is no one to put me in the waters at the proverbial pool of Bethesda, but He will gently come to me by His tomb and call me by name and understand my fears and sadnesses.  Jesus as He is .. Is startling and beautiful and good and frightening... The religious bones in my body quake as do the ones that falter into cheap grace.

Jesus is beautiful and mighty.  As in the words of C S Lewis and a beaver.. He is not safe BUT He is good....  Jesus is the safest person to come to if you come without agenda...  He is the scariest person to come to if you are trying to remake Him in your own image.. You might be blinded and knocked off your horse or you might be encountered on dusty streets.   The real Jesus is not the one the seeker friendly church, the conservative church, the liberal church, the emerging church would make Him to be... HE IS THAT HE IS.... How would you know what I would say to your homosexual friend?  It is to ask me.... How would you know what Jesus would say to your homosexual friend? Ask Him.

When you do make sure you know His nature and character and that you haven't written a script for Him that appeals to your senses.  Jesus' truest responses will always leave you in awe or in anger.  Just look at those He interacted with when He walked upon the earth.

I come from Laughter...November 6 .. Day 6 of the Joy Challenge...

I love quotes, pictures, art, words, expression... I love creativity and ingenuity and laughter...

Today I hold these things up as if they are confetti and I throw them up into the air and dance around them as they fall to the ground... Today it is JOY.. Living... Experimenting.. Entering...  JOY...  Today it is looking at the physical realities of the day and the social realities of the day and choosing JOY just BECAUSE!

The choice towards joy .....

1) Quiet and simple moments sitting in my car.  Watching leaves fall to the ground.  Watching the beautiful sky and clouds and blues and greens and oranges and reds swirl around me.. Today it is JOY..
2)Connecting with the college kid and wearing a Clemson sweatshirt in a Virginia Tech town just because I can...
3)My husband making me peanut butter toast on pumpernickel bread.
4)Receiving kind words from an unexpected source
5)Walking...  I realized today how much I take for granted and when things are gone or change they are gone and changed... so today as I walked upon the sidewalk I thought about the joy of the fact that I can see, and hear, and touch, and walk.. And that that is a joyous thing
6)This.. writing... intermingling with people... having people in my life and being in the lives of others...(Lizzie and I have plans to make a hopscotch path when she gets home from school today... )

Joy in the small, seemingly inconsequential moments....  joy is a powerhouse of a choice...  hard to turn towards at times ... sometimes I want to silence that voice in my heart that arises time after time and says be joyful.. be intentional to be joyful....  sometimes the realities of the day seem to choke out joy... BUT then I am learning to close my eyes, breath, and choose joy anyway.. maybe not right away and maybe it takes a whole day to cycle back around...

Cycle back around anyway...

Bless you..

Being Known for love... What happens when we look towards culture more than gospel truth

Philippians 1:12-18

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Now I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel, so that my imprisonment in the cause of Christ has become well known throughout the whole praetorian guard and to everyone else, and that most of the brethren, trusting in the Lord because of my imprisonment, have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear. Some, to be sure, are preaching Christ even from envy and strife, but some also from good will; the latter do it out of love, knowing that I am appointed for the defense of the gospel; the former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition rather than from pure motives, thinking to cause me distress in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice.

I've seen the Facebook posts.

I've heard the conversations.

I've been silent.

I'm breaking that silence.

I have a very good friend who has truly shaped and formed a good deal of my understanding of walking out the essence of faith. What has caught me off guard more times than not is how much my friend truly knows and understands.  What am I saying?  My friend is really ok with process.  Where I want answers and solutions and what them yesterday.. He really is ok with the process of time and what comes in time and what is revealed in time.  It has taught me much.  It has prevented many a tower in my life and it has granted me life in places where on my own I would have unknowingly chosen death.

My friend loves the word of God and it is contagious.  His desire to lay what he teaches upon scriptural truth is powerful.

In this season of my life I hold culture and Christ in my hands and in my heart... I am holding my hands open toward the Father asking and seeking what for me it looks like.. Where does my heart align?  What is the essential truth of the Gospel?  What plow am I to stand behind?

So much discussion these days on important matters.  I'm not even going to call anything insignificant.  The reason there is great significance to conversations on lifestyle and culture are simple to me.  It isn't a cause or a rallying point.  There are people connected.  Each one... each one has great worth.

There is so much I could think about upon all these issues and so much that even sounds and reads good..

I am reminded of a time when I was all worked up about something in regards to how a worship leader was horribly treating a dance team, that I loved, during a Summer family camp.  My friend happened to be there.  One of the leaders of the dance team and I sought him out for his wisdom and council.  That moment which is over 13 years ago lives in my heart.

He brought everything down to the essence of what matters.  I was in such a tizzy.  But he was calm.  I was all concerned.  He was too.

In moments like those and in that moment I learned more from what my friend didn't say and do than necessarily from what he had.

But I learned that love meant seeing both the worship leader and the dance team.  Love meant looking at the situation from a whole other perspective. A kingdom one... a one that isn't the knee jerk reaction response for most of us.

I end up being more like the Pharisees at times wanting a simple right/wrong answer.  And the truest answer  comes in parabolic form and points the truest question at my own heart rather at the situation or person I would rather it would.

Earthly culture can't and won't ever teach us that...   Only Kingdom perspective will....

Am I more at home in a pew with a hymnal?
Am I more at home dancing and shouting and waving a flag?
Am I more at home on the streets on inner Philadelphia?
Am I more at home on the streets of suburbia?
Is the house wife standing in a 1.7 million dollar home less important to the heart beat of God than the woman prostituting herself on the street corner so that she can feed her toddler later that night? Do you know the heart of either women?  Where you there when God fashioned and formed them in their mother's wombs? Are you asking the right questions?  Are you holding your stones? Are you so quick to speak?
Are the people sitting in the more favorable seats more favorable?
Can we say to the hand we don't need you?
Can the rich young ruler get to Heaven?
Can the Pharisee? Can the publican?
Am I more at home with the Charismatics?
Am I more at home with the Lutherans?
Am I more at home with the Catholics?
Am I more at home with the elderly?
Am I more at home with the prisoner?
Am I more at home with the children?
Am I more at home with the Republicans?
Am I more at home with the Libertarians?
Am I more at home overseas?
Am I more at home upon the shores of my own country?
Am I more at home ministering to the new age?
Am I more at home ministering to the Madison Ave crowd? Do they deserve to be reached?  DO they need ministry?


If I am not called to poverty in the inner cities but called to a suburban neighbor? Are the people I am called to less?  If I am not called to the garbage dumps of India full of children but to the elementary school down the street are those children less?

I am more at home with the Great I Am... It is His ways that I long to exemplify. It is His heart beat that I want to walk out. Whether on city streets or where there are no streets... may every step I take bring me closer to Him and closer to love.  LOVE is not culturally driven or defined.  LOVE is not up for grabs.  Love is set by a standard that we have been given.

If I give away everything but have not love for my wealthy brother I have truly given anything away?

1 Corinthians 13

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, butrejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there isknowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

The ONE issue that grieves my heart the most is 

whether rich or poor we are a body 

divided. I look forward to the days and times 

when the blessing of 

unity flows upon us... Rich or poor, urban or 

suburban... philiosophy of Furtick or Claiborne... at

 some point it would be good to be known for love

I come from Laughter... November 4th... Day 4 of the joy challenge

So my day yesterday was full of grace moments but it wasn't full of time at home... I left the house before 8am and didn't return until close to 10pm.... What did that mean?  Well, for me it meant that I didn't have my laptop with me.  I hadn't anticipated not being back to the house and throughout the day kept trying to fit in an hour to get home as to post and get some other work done...

Except my 7 year old son wanted these new rubber bands that he just had to have. (first window at 4pm to go home was thwarted because sometimes a kid just needs to have to know that he is what takes priority.) It wasn't the rubber bands it was the fact that I knew it would matter to his heart (as the youngest boy and number 5 ) that what he wanted would take precedent.

This morning when I came to begin this post I felt a deep understanding to what one of the truest points of joy is... GRACE....

I had more that 3 moments of JOY yesterday.

I had felt the importance to the Lord's heart that His people would be given sustenance to sustain them through the wildernesses of life, that His forgiveness was so very real and that He calls us by a new name.  I understood that the "names" we often call ourselves fall far short of the reality of the NAMES He calls us ... I felt His hunger and His passion for His people throughout the day....

I had sat with good friends, I laughed and joked.. I watched my children do the same... (There is nothing really more joyful than to see your children full of joy and delight.)

I had a friend save my heart.. ok probably my kid's hearts and potentially lives.. (Not really BUT uuuhhhmmm close.) I was truly tired.  Looking forward to the banquet but not at the same time.  Jim's been traveling quite a bit these days and so as 6pm approached yesterday, ie the football banquet, and it looked like I was taking the 4 and 7 year old along with me, the lack of sleep and the pace of the last few days was catching up with me.

I pulled into the church parking lot to pick up Gideon and before I was pulling out heading off to the banquet, the immense and truly life saving offer to watch the younger two of the Driscoll tribe had been spoken.  Driving off I touched grace... It permeated my soul.  I held back the tears.  I just sat in the reality of grace.

This morning when I came to my laptop and thought of having not posted concerning three moments of joy, the larger lesson came full circle.  GRACE!

November 4th.... 4 Moments of Joy...

1) The moment I learned that the reality of giving myself grace equated to joy!  Be gracious and kind towards yourself.. I rarely am.  I was talking to a friend yesterday and I said that I actually don't mind my critics.  I have realized that there truly aren't many people out there that would be more critical of myself than I am already being....  I recognize all too often and all to easily where I miss the mark on a regular basis.  It matters to me... It needs to matter less.  Those that understand will thoroughly understand.

2) Sleeping in... Jim who has been away took up the responsibilities of the morning and I slept in.. Matter of fact I am still in pajamas and still sitting upon my bed.  Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh.... NICE... GRACE!

3) In praying about a fast my church is doing.. I felt the Lord explain to me the reasons behind what He was asking of me... and in hearing His heart my own heart was moved.....  "Take better care of yourself." He said.  Instead of saying "fast diet coke."  He spoke... "take better care of yourself."  Here I am supposed to be fasting and the Lord is caring for my heart.  I knew He wanted me to only drink water but He spoke it in such a way that didn't communicate lack but spoke LIFE.  He didn't say fast media and don't watch netflix. He said that He wanted me to have rest.  (I knew and understood the other.  Don't stay up late watching shows.)  Instead of saying what not to eat... He spoke of what I could eat... In each and every asking of His was the heart beat.. "Take better care of yourself."  Be diligent with your life and take care of yourself.. Take those vitamins Jim lays out for me.. get rest... drink water.. eat raw vegetables...  GRACE
4) Sitting with my youngest son and playing with those rubber bands that he so desperately wanted and sitting with him and spending the quiet moments before the  day takes off.

YES... Today's lessons about JOY are full of grace...

Be kind to yourself today and realize that God's grace flows in abundance.  Be diligent with yourself today and know that it matters to the Lord that you take good care of yourself.  Enjoy grace today!  What does it look like to enjoy the reality of God as He transforms our lives from glory to glory.  Walking with Him and being pulled into His likeness.  Grace isn't cheap!  Grace comes with a huge price tag.. But He supplied all that we had need of...

Today's JOY is the deeper realization of GRACE and then it isn't four moments it is every moment....