The last couple of weeks have been a very interesting mix. Many thoughts. Lots of reading. Lots of soul searching. Nothing was to be left sacred in my belief/life except for the fact that I have a husband and 6 kids and believe thoroughly in Jesus Christ.
Maybe thanksgiving morning isn't the time to post such a blog but that is where you get the option to not read.... My friend shared from the stage last Sunday about the pilgrims. Just briefly talking about the 50 who out survived and out lasted their 70 friends in order to be able to "celebrate" the first thankgiving. 120 people. 50 survivors... I want to be snarky here and say that none of them won the 1,000,000 prize....
But they came together to give thanks... So I looked up my puritan brothers and William Bradford and found a simple article, http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/The-Pilgrim-Fathers.htm . It's a very small synopsis and doesn't at all go into any depth. But for my point I wasn't looking for depth just basic information. What I found were some quotes that hit a spot.
When this article sums up the Pilgrims plights in England as, "These people were the Pilgrim Fathers. The Pilgrim Fathers saw little chance of England becoming a country in which they wished to live. They viewed it as un-Godly and moving from a bad to worse state. The Pilgrim Fathers believed that a new start in the New World was their only chance." It doesn't do their plight justice.
But this blog isn't a history lesson.. Go research what was happening to these people of faith and why they had to leave England to save their lives....
So back to my life.... Well, two decades of ministry have left me with many questions. Through repentance and forgiveness and lots of prayer...I have come to places that contain more gratitude than bitterness. But for me things can not stay the same....
When the ground of my life has been decimated and foundations brought back down to earth, I have lifted my eyes to the Heavens. There is ground that can't be built upon. Some of that ground can't ever be built upon again. It's gone.... It isn't a bad thing... it is just where things are...
I have built wrongly in the past. The truth is I will build wrongly again. Hopefully not as much.
There are lessons I hope I have learned... Pilgrims learned the "seeds" brought over from England wouldn't work in the soil of the New America. And they needed the natives help... A Native American called Squanto helped those Pilgrim Fathers who survived the harsh winter." (again very elementary.. but again NOT a history lesson.)
"Lord, whose my Squanto?"
"Who are the natives?"
From Matthew 11:29 I got my answer......
"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
John 16:13 gave answers.....
"But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come.
For me I am searching out the heart of God... What does it mean to serve God... What do I believe.. How am I to live... What is it to look like in my life.... There are some givens.. I'm not playing with those but when there is the New Monastic movement and Shane Claiborne on one side of the spectrum and the Joel Osteens and Steven Furticks on the other side and lots of in between for me I must find the elements of expression that are forged in the Father's heart.....
It's going to take a while.... And while neither Queen Elizabeth I nor King James is looking to take my life, I feel the depth of need for an orientation of service that will fill out my life...
When things have been decimated... when the terrains of life become waste places all I have found to do that is profitable is to wait upon the Lord... Try to plant that which I have to give and move forward through each obstacle that presents itself... BUT waiting upon the Lord... Waiting upon Him.. He renews strength.. And with new strength I am finding the capacity to arise and take action.....
There is a core hunger for an expression of the Father within my life and overflow that will not be satisfied... A desire towards investigation of spirit and truth.... The people exclaimed of Jesus that He was unlike their scribes.. He spoke as one with authority... Where is that authority upon the earth being demonstrated? I believe the Kingdom of God has both come and is at hand... What is the expression to look like?
I'm no theologian, that list could go on and on about the things I am not.. But walking the last season of years have left me hungry and there is a promise that I will be satisfied. (Luke 6:21) And I can be like Peter and John without official education... (Acts 4:13) and give what I do have....
What will it look like? I certainly don't know.. In the words of Jasmine, a Disney princess, "It's a whole new world." Taking it more seriously... absolutely... But I'll quote who I'll quote and I'll find my way....
I am grateful .. grateful for the wildernesses that have taught me to lean.. grateful for the whispers that have come in the desolation... grateful for the faithfulness of the Lord who will not abandon me to the ways of man but who leads me forward in search of His heart...
The wilderness has taught me many things... Gratitude is essential as is joy... Strength is imparted as is wisdom.. Hearts are forged and a determination to strike out and survive is made fast...
Enjoy thanksgiving... but don't be trite... This year has seen a lot of decimation in the lives of those we love.. celebrate the victory of having made it through...
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