I look around my house and honestly I'd be horrified to have even the closest of friends come over right now..... Coming off of what would now be over 5 weeks of having some combination of kids sick with a multitude of different things.. I am weary.. the house is weary... Laundry (thanks to a wonderful mom) was actually (please don't judge me) sent out to one of those wash, dry and fold places because between the washer machine being broken amidst kids throwing up and all the else and a company who thinks that taking two weeks to fix a broken appliance is acceptable even with a service contract... this momma was extremely close... OK... let's just say it... was at the breaking point ...... or maybe the breaking point had come and gone and I was in that dazed eye ... shallow breathing... barely existing place.....
In this place where flesh meets road and becomes road kill and all the doubts and lacks of life would come in and scream to have their way.... steps upon the terrain my Lord... Coaxing my heart upwards... coaxing my heart to see as He would see and think as He would think and live as He would live... To love as He would love.....
Moving forward and yet not having learned yet not to look back I find myself.... more like Lot's wife than like the Mary I want to be.... and then again He comes and not with a finger shaking saying don't think that way... but with His heart exposed saying "I love you!" In all the ways He knows to speak to my soul and strengthen my spirit......
Hungering at times and lost at times and yet a Father pouring forth His affections saying I have found you and made you my own... I have fed you and given you water to drink.. I am preparing a place for you so that you and I can be together forever and ever .... Not telling me to carte blanche trust Him but wooing my heart time after time showing me that trust is something so forged between us that even when I let go and falter His grip is assured......
So I just don't get it sometimes ... more times than not.... I walk into these places where all of this is true and then like a person who walks away from the mirror can so easily forget that which is so very true.... so more real than anything upon this earth.... and He comes not to scold but just to remind.... to remind to be ... I am His daughter... forged and fashioned in His image... created to be co-heirs with Christ to a Kingdom whose existence knows no lack and no end....
His love carries me as a mom when I wonder how He thought I could raise six children well and after His heart.... His love carries a wife when I wonder how to love a man who through all else was His perfect best for me... His love carries a girl who wants to love her Lord with everything within her... His love carries His daughter... forward.. onward...
His boldness... His strength.. His warmth.. His love ... His passions are changing me day upon day.... My Home.. my real Home... the reality of it sinks further and further into who I am... I have been of the world not just in it... but the reality of my home is washing the "of the world" off and that which is emerging is my Father's masterpiece... He is sculpting me and carving me daily and I look forward to the chisel for His hands upon my life is all this heart longs for.........................
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