Lessons learned from the preschooler.....

Heading home from preschool, "momma, I want to snuggle in bed with you. When we get home can I just be on your bed with you."

It wasn't even a doubt in  my mind... "of course, Elizabeth. Of course."

She jumped into my bed and beckoned me to come and she snuggled right on in and the giggles started.

Her delight was beyond apparent and  the satisfaction and fullness that filled my soul was large.

All day I had been thinking of Father God. I had been thinking of my need.  Thinking how I truly just need to sit with
 Him  Thinking about waiting upon Him.  Thinking about the prayers I have been praying.  Thinking about the morning devotional I did on knowing Him and being known by Him and from that place is where we hear and see.


 I ache to know Him more.. The truth is I look at Christ's relationship with Him and I wonder about when Jesus left the crowds and went to be with Him.  The truth is I know how thoroughly the words of man and the works of ministry will never truly satisfy the heart, I know that there are places that no matter what accolades come they will leave me only wanting.


But in Him... in His embrace I am found and I collapse into His love and nothing could be richer.....


Verses swirl in my head this afternoon...  Two in particular... where in 1 Corinthians 4 Paul expresses his heart to be a father, telling them that they have many teachers but are in need of fathers.  I keep thinking of Matthew 7:29 where it shares that the crowds were amazed at the teachings of Jesus because He was teaching them as one having authority and not as their scribes.


I remember recently talking to this one guy and thinking to myself that he didn't believe what he was telling me, I could feel how light his words were, I could feel where he questioned and I just wished that instead of speaking at me he would share his heart.


I knew that if he would step into sharing his heart, sharing his doubt, sharing his place of struggle that his words would actually carry weight.  But it hurts to step into that place. That place is one of vulnerability.  That place is one of admitting need.  That place is a place of admitting that there are more times then naught when answers really don't exist but a listening heart and loving arms do.


It is easier to step into teaching... I'm not dismissing the work and effort it takes to prepare but  as I have been thinking through how to walk in the authority of Christ, and how to love as a "mother" and how to put my life on the line and stand determined to only do that which the Father is doing, it is a place of vulnerability.  In my place of need I don't know exactly how He is going to move and I must lean on Him, not my own understanding or my capacity to try and make something happen.


So as Elizabeth asked to jump into bed with me and is moving closer and closer making it hard to even type this I think, God.. I need this with you.  I need you so very tangibly right now and I want to make my bed right up against Your side.  What does that look like?  Not in some hyper over spiritual way but in the most earthy and down right honest place of a daughter needing her dad type moment....


I'm reminded of this conference Jim told me about that he attended a long time ago.. they used smoke machines during worship and had all the special affects necessary for a great show.  But in these days the great shows and magnificent displays mean nothing, I don't need a performance.  I need God.  I don't need 10,000 guardians I need one Father.


It does take time to put together a message one is going to teach but it takes it to a whole other level to step into fathering and mothering and I am truly convinced that it is from that place that we differentiate ourselves from the scribes and from the 10,000... and it is from that place that we walk within the authority of Heaven.