In the thickness of the cloud the fog lifted

All the people perceived the thunder and the lightning flashes and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood at a distance. Then they said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen; but let not God speak to us, or we will die.”Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin.” So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the thick cloud where God was.  Exodus 20:21

Within the clouds I touch Him, allow Him to lay a hold of me and the fog dissipates... His nature transforms mine.. calling me forward into all that which He is...  we must receive in this place so as to be propelled forward into His nature... empowered to love with the extravagance in which pours forth... receiving from another person will never bring that fullness of transaction... We must all walk into the thick cloud where God resides no matter how disorienting it is because we will emerge full and shine forth.....

Propriety has been the lock, fear the chains ... Christ the key.

I so very clearly know what it is expected from me in almost all social situations I find myself in, I was trained in propriety and correct behavior to the point where it exacted life.   The thick  cloud of God would have terrified me.  It did terrify me.  I then would allow others to enter in and be satisfied to sit at their feet.

I could perform like a robot or a trained monkey. I would carefully meter out and assess social risk and make sure that my heart would not be laid bare as to embarrass myself or humiliate self or family.   The thick cloud seemed like it asked to much for a heart like mine so full of fear....


The journey of this last season the Lord has been adamant with me, challenging my heart into places where I have not wanted to walk... in laying down knowing what is right and appropriate and reasonable and allowing my heart to be what it was and not demand it conform into what I deemed appropriate places.   He has so thoroughly beckoned me into the cloud.

Not using it as free license but grappling with the desire of His heart for me, I am beckoning my own heart to receive perfect love deeper and deeper into my being as to cast out fear.... His love is that which mesmerizes me and within which I get lost, it must so thoroughly saturate my entire being as to propel me into the life He most earnestly desires for me to live... Free from fear.. alive and living towards Him.

I allowed others to speak for Him because I was afraid of the depth of the cloud that I saw Him reside within, but now I have learned that emerging from those most mysterious places I am being altered more firmly into His likeness.  The more firmly I come in touch with Him as He is, the more I am pulled into His affections, the less I want my own ways and the more I hunger for His, the more I see His flow forth from my life... While upon His likeness I gaze I am so completely brought into awe.

"So that you may not sin..."  Know God so that you don't miss the mark... Know God for yourself so that your own heart knows His ways.  It is His passion and His nature that continually draws me forward... It is my own frailty that faints, it is His marvelous kindness that causes me not to do so but to stand and recognize all that which He is... more than anything He is a Father whose love abounds more than words could ever convey...  But within the thick cloud no words are truly needed .. the interaction takes care of itself.  But again another can not bring that out of the clouds for you... you must enter into the mystery and depth yourself....  It will cost you everything, but in return you live... not a life of propriety and constriction  but one so thoroughly abandoned and full of trust and hope and life...