His death birthed a brand new grace.....

I am ready....


I wasn't always....


I am now.....


There is nothing from my past I can't talk about and talk about candidly.  My life has even journeyed to the place where there are relatives with who I have sat with and with who I have come  together with, and removed not only the proverbial elephants from the room but all that comes with them.


It didn't start that way.


Matter of fact when the Lord healed me from schizophrenia  I was  quiet for almost a decade concerning all that it had entailed.  So beyond grateful for the quiet in my head and the difference in my life, but needing time to adjust to life and living and wholeness.


There is a time and a season for all things.


I remember the first time I wrote about the incest that had been in my life from before I can remember until the time I was thirteen.   Friends this is honestly how I wrote it... newly saved... I wrote the words:  "These are my sins..."  And on the top I wrote about the incest.  When my eyes would first see those words I would grab the closest sharpie and over and over again cross out that whole phrase, ruining the whole journal because of the fury of the sharpie in my hand.


The first time I would share about being healed from having schizophrenia, I would be surrounded by the dearest of friends.  Standing next to Jim and our friend, Rick Sizemore, I stood and shared how it felt to not feel like you owned your mind, your life, your everything....  I shared what it was like when the Lord healed me... I shared what it was like to be set in my right mind,  I shared how it felt to be overcoming the shame and stigma that comes with mental illness.


That testimony would be years in the making, it would be built on smaller (much smaller) steps.  It would be a step in and of itself... and now this blog.. this place... my life... my voice... my liberty.. your life.. your voice... your liberty.....  It is a whole NEW journey that I am embarking upon as I emerge from a wilderness that never seemed to end... it is part of the journey of my life...  This place of becoming and being transformed and being disclosing comes upon so very many steps before it....


I was reading today about how when some people read about the testimonies of people of those that are calling themselves, "The New Radicals,"  there can be self-condemnation and guilt and judgement.  The thought that if you aren't living your life like those in that camp your life falls short.  I'm not saying that that is the message they are putting forth, I'm saying that some of the fruit is not conviction but a sense of condemnation.


There were huge issues in the first generation of Christians..  What about circumcision?  What about meat sacrificed to idols? What about this and what about that?


My point in going down this rabbit trail... I feel very led to be completely as self-disclosing as I know how to be, it's been my journey... there is sooo much grace upon me to do so... it flows in abundance... that isn't necessarily where you are called to walk,  whether you are selling everything you own and going to live in the inner city or you are standing in a place where you are sharing the deepest most intimate things of your life, or everything in between... are you called to adopt that child and oh by the way it is a sibling set.. instead of adopting one can you adopt two... three... four....


The calling upon each and everyone of us is unique and beautiful and you can't reach the path you are walking by comparing and by measuring yourself to another.....  His death birthed for us a brand new grace....  look into His eyes.. His most magnificent gaze... fall in love with the savior of your soul and walk with Him... and when He says do this or do that... the only compulsion you will be under is that of passion... not obligation, duty, or condemnation....  While we work because we have faith.. it is our faith that has made us well, by which we are saved... and declared righteous....