A reputation?
A bank account?
A job?
A spouse?
A family?
Friends?
A child?
Health?
What then.... what happens then? What would you be if you lost some of these things? All these things?
When status or place falter, when relationships fail, when bank accounts empty, when sickness arrives at your door.. What then?
What then?
I'll tell you this I've had all those things in various degrees and lost all of those things in various degrees, and I have come to the place where there isn't a status, a job, a friend, or an account that I would ever want to stand in the way of me being as authentically all that I am and speaking and raising a voice and standing in the gap....
The fear of the what ifs is worse than the reality... There will be no grace for the imagined scenario.. You don't need it and maybe you never will. But fear comes as a thief and steals and robs and destroys your peace and the capacity for you to plug into a peace that passes all understanding.
The seasons I have walked out have shown me how very little in control of things I am. I have then seen myself and others scurry, no differently than mice, trying to maintain and contain image and what ever else have you at the expense of all....
It's not worth it ... it wasn't ever worth it and it never will be worth it... The energy expended to preserve image, placement, etc....
In facing down the proverbial goliaths I have found a life I would have always wanted but never dared to hope for.... Whether the days are full of grace or sorrow, whether the days are full of rejoicing or weeping, whether the days are full of wealth or poverty, whether the days are full of loneliness or fellowship... MY DAYS ARE FULL....
I have lost more than I can comprehend but in doing so I have gained life immeasurable.. a capacity to understand that He is my God in ways I never could before... an ability to walk more thoroughly with hands wide open.... So whether I am walking upon the meadows and full of joy or I am curled up on my bed asking the Lord to meet me in the waste places, I am a daughter! His daughter! And He cares for me....
He can walk me through the valley of the shadow of death and He can rejoice with me when abundance flows... If I am weeping, if I am sobbing, if I am rejoicing, if I am struggling, if I am overcoming.... where ever I am He is there and He is God... And I believe in His capacity to walk me through whatever season may come and in having that reality birthed into my heart there is a confidence that I can rest and lean into and be known and be seen by the Living One who is the King of kings and Lord of lords.
Fear is a crushing component ... the terror of loss keeps people all contorted and pushes them into places they would not go otherwise... Confidence in God and in His capacity brings with it the assurance of perfect love that washes away all fear... It isn't that I am not going to lose... I am going to lose... I already have...
Again Jim Elliot's quote reverberates within my entire being: He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose...
The more thoroughly I embrace that the more thoroughly I live....
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