I read the words. The status wasn't even a very long sentence. But it was clear. I paused. In those words felt like a threat. Instead of passing wisdom along to those that would follow, it was as if it was stating in the christian (use the word loosely) way of masking what is really being said by carefully sculpted language. Even framed as to not out and out say don't cross me but clear enough to any who would read it that the understanding was there....
Maybe if I didn't know all that I knew I could read that status up date and think nothing of it.... but sadly.. all too sadly I knew enough to at least have to rebuke the thought of, "I wonder to whom is that being said," and repent for the judgement
I don't miss that world....
I don't miss the craziness that gets into the heads of people as they feel they are climbing the social ladder of the christian ministry machine.
I don't miss the paranoia ... I don't miss the envy... I don't miss the atmosphere of jealously.. I don't miss the air of entitlement ... I don't miss it..... Among those that are called to lead and those that partner and serve.... I don't miss the craziness of the insecure and what their insecurities cause them to do at times..
In a hunger to be loved, accepted... (should I not say revered.. is that sacrilegious.. maybe so but sadly true)... In a need to be the marque player of the hour.. the one up man ship that goes on .. that I've witnessed laid my soul bare...
I said to the Lord the other day.... I'm exhausted by things I have seen. I'm exhausted by things I have seen.... It's been a while and yet at the remembrance of them my being feels the exhaustion.. The sadness that I know these things.. that I experienced them.. that I can't be naive... that I watched the truly ugly happen between people and as I try to step into new seasons of life the remembrances of the old are more in front of my face then they have been in a very long time....
Within this time of talking with the Lord as I walked along the most beautiful of paths and listened to the waters rushing in the creek bed, I paused.... I looked up at the sky.. I watched the grassy lawn give way to the wind and I just sat down and cried......
I am no longer in my 20s.. ministry is no longer a hunger.. a dream.. a pursuit....
I am no longer in my 30s ministry is no longer a plan, a path, a vocation...............
I am early in my 40s ... ministry is a word.. people are the hunger... ministry is a word and the dream and pursuit, the path .. the endeavor is towards love...
What an endeavor.....
To love God...
To love His people....
Sounds so easy ............... and then the nuances and then the actual individual not some theoretical human being but a real live flesh and bone person, with a past and a present, with a future.. with hopes and dreams and hurts.. with expectations and opinions....
How? How does it not get ugly? Maybe it is supposed to be ugly.. and maybe ugly is the wrong word.. messy.. MESSY.. that could be another...
Can I see beyond the flesh? Can I see beyond the soul? Can I look at the one that stands before me and have eyes that see them as Heaven does? Can I then walk in that? Can I walk forward and see as Heaven does?
Can I hold their hopes and dreams, can I see them as ones that my Father potentially has for them.. Can I look further and see not just their own hopes and dreams BUT the ONES my Father has for them.. Can I step up and step in and not think about myself and my own but to realize that the true calling of the kingdom is to serve.. to serve, to build up others, to love....
I can feel the rumbling.. the rumbling within the earth.. within the people....
While personally tired .. the exhaustion that rests in the air is the exhaustion of the people ....
There is a call to cease striving and to know that the Lord is the Lord...
There is a call for a hope to be birthed and eyes to be open to the reality of the Lord
There is a seeing of the machines of ministry and the religious decorum of the day and a rejection of it
There is a hungry for the reality of God.. Christian .. non Christian.. There is an exhaustion in the people.. tired of platitudes... tired of fear... tired of religion.... BUT HUNGRY!
On a morning that I was dreading.... on a day that marks the 17th year since my father's passing.. on a year that for whatever reason this event is impacting more then it has probably since the first day it happened... I awoke to an angel blowing a trumpet....
It was a call.. It was a call and a demand being put upon me... Upon a day where I just wanted to crawl back under the covers and not see the light.. On a day that I have been knowing was coming and dreading it.. Heaven answered... Heaven started the day... But regardless of whether there is an angel .. regardless of whether there is a trumpet.. regardless of whether there is an experience.. THERE IS A GOD WHO LOVES YOU !!! YOU ARE LOVED!!! NOW GO LIVE!!!!!!!!
Regardless of how it is being declared it is the most solid thing being declared over you..... YOU ARE LOVED... GOD.. CREATOR OF ALL THINGS LOVES YOU!!! NOW GO LIVE!!
It was a magnificent beautiful transaction of Heaven that occurred as I woke up this morning... An angel had a trumpet and blew it (most magnificent sound) and declared.. You are human beings... you are sons and daughters of our God.. Go live... You're loved.....
I recently had this conversation with a new friend regarding one of my favorite movies, Elf.
In the beginning when "santa" is explaining to Buddy that not everyone down there believes, Buddy is incredulous.
He's grown up seeing and knowing and being with "santa." So how can one not believe....
This morning as I even remember the declaration of the angel this morning... I am reminded that they stare at His presence... they see Him.. they come and go from Him.. they carry His messages and they do His bidding....
When the last two words, "You're loved!" Were spoken .. they were spoken with such clarity and authority .. spoken from one who knows .... spoken from one who sees...
It filtered into the air and carried a weight and a truth and a reality to it that was magnificent...
You Are Loved... There is no other revelation truly needed to be captured more than that one....
I'm facing a day that I was dreading.. I'm getting up and going to live this day.. and while my heart might faint under weights of remembrance it WILL SOAR under the reality of the TRUTH that I am LOVED!
NOW I GET TO GO LIVE................. AND LIVE BEING LOVED PERFECTLY AND WATCHING FEAR BE CAST AWAY!
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