It was an interesting vision... It took me back and it brought me forward...
It took me back to a truly recent conversation. A conversation in which I was probably the most honest, the most forth right, the least self-protective I have ever been in a conversation other than with my husband. Within the moments of that conversation I just shared my heart with a clarity and a frame of mind that I don't know if I had ever really experienced before and it felt great.
Today the Lord asked me a question. He brought me back to that conversation and asked me if I knew why I had felt so great during and after it.... and before I could answer, He did. "Because you weren't afraid." He said. Because I wasn't afraid.
I had what I had on my heart to share and I wanted to share it enough and communicate the reality of it that I wasn't letting fear silence me or dictate to me how I was or wasn't going to speak. I had had enough in this one area in particular and I was just going to say what was on my heart to say in a way that was clear and as concise as I get.
So today within the time being spent with the Lord, I journeyed one more step away from the world of fear that has plagued me....
Do you want to do that? Do you want to have perfect love so pulsate through your being that fear gets vaporized!?!?! Oh Yeah I do.. more and more....
I've done so much wrong and when I trace it back to origin I find fear as the root!
Fear I wouldn't be liked.
Fear I would suffer lack.
Fear I would lose.
Fear I would be rejected.
Fear I would look stupid.
FEAR!
It never stopped me from losing, facing lack or not being liked it just lent me to torment and I wasn't living authentically like myself.
That one conversation I alluded to at the beginning of this blog post, it has birthed a rumbling inside of me... I felt what it felt like to be truly authentic for a moment. I felt what it felt like to walk the most authentically like me.. like who I am.. the who I am that I am when I am being the most me....
When I think back to the position of my heart in those moments.. there wasn't a defensiveness, there wasn't anything to prove or not prove... I let my heart live... I let go of restraint and shared my truest thoughts and feelings .... Even in writing the phrase, "I let my heart live," I remember what those moments felt like! I felt alive... I felt so alive! I wasn't afraid. I needed to share what I shared and I did so with the authenticity and freedom of being me and it felt so freeing.
So today... today I saw the Father and I saw this picture of He and I walking hand and hand.. and He pointed back to that moment... "live there," He said. "Live there." "I will be your God.. your Father... be mine... be My daughter... and live from there."
In that moment ... in those moments.. I got it!
It is a call to life... it always has been.. That's the heart beat of our God! Live.. Life.. Freedom.. Love
Perfect love casting out all fear...
As the vision played out I saw 100 messages... 100 opportunities.. At least 100 things to be shared... I thought I had lived an open ... honest.. vulnerable .. transparent life... but from the things that flowed forth this afternoon into my heart I realized how much I had and have still self protected.... The walls I concocted aren't profitable .. not for life.. not for true life.. not for living.... So looking forward to this journey of watching the Father's perfect love come and saturate my being and bring those walls down further and further... IT IS FOR LIFE that HE came ... For life and for living....
Perfect love casting out fear... Perfect love setting the captives free!!!!
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