It is interesting to consider that which silence does...
It is interesting...
Whether words or silence is involved there is communication.
When Jesus stood silent before His accusers there was more being said in His silence than any word could have ever spoken. When Jesus rebuked the Pharisees and took up the cause of His Father's people, the spirit world shuddered as did the religious...
There are so very many thoughts upon my heart and mind as this project of 100 days of honesty keeps floating around and around within my being... Honest with who? Becomes the question.... Communication with who becomes another? Where is wisdom? What is the role of wisdom? What is the role of common sense? Where does one pursue communication and where does one contemplate? What am I willing to say? What seems beyond the scope of permissible?
I was raised within the exhausting, debilitating, confines of social propriety... and in religious circles I have seen social and religious propriety to the nth degree..... Honesty was at times more viewed as cruelty. Self preservation essential to survival.
I touched openly upon fear and the rebukes I received were interesting.....Let's chat I say! Let's really talk... Not in some hyper superficial way and not with religious tones and condescension...Not with polite overtones.... But let's talk.. why does talking intimidate some? What conversations are so hard to be had?
I look more and more to Jesus... the way He interacted with the religious.. the way He went to the heart of the matter, the way He spoke to the women, the children, the fisherman, the tax collectors.. the people! The way He walked and talked with the Father, the way He wept, the way He spoke.. what He said.. what He did... How heaven touched earth in the presence of this man, our Lord... How He walked... How He spoke... How He conquered.. How He loved... How He served.. How He ruled....
I honestly think people are exhausted by religion and religious pretense... so I admitted to watching this tv show, Ally McBeal, and it offended some... But it is interesting... In watching this show and thinking upon how the writers wrote this character and then some of the dialogue that goes with her, I have been brought to a place of honesty.
I allowed myself to realize how exhausted I was by trying to be something... by trying to get through a long and difficult season in an appropriate manner... how horrified I was when I leaked emotion or felt weak and confused.. But who doesn't feel weak and confused at times and as much as the rebukes were interesting what brought me to my knees... what propelled me to surrender myself even further to this process WAS YOU!!! It was you... It was your relief.. It was your joy... It was you... It was in opening up and being honest and forthright some of your exhaustion rolled away... You saw you aren't alone.. You saw that you have faith even if you are more like Gideon hiding .. You ... Condemnation got washed away even a little bit and something awoke within you ... with the understanding that you aren't ALONE...
Hey.. Truly.. this journey isn't easy.. the places where I cringe and ask the Lord, really?!?! Those places only multiply... but more and more the 100 pictures that swirl around my head aren't like the uga chucka baby.. gotta watch the show to understand... they are poignant not psychotic... I don't make light of where I come from but I remember where the Lord delivered me out of and I remember the way I felt versus the way I feel.....
Am I afraid? Absolutely... I am afraid.. Is perfect love going to have the last say? ABSOLUTELY!!! He began a good work.. He is going to finish it.. Is there a fight.. ABSOLUTELY... BUT IT IS HIS... I'm just willing to say... I am afraid...
Look at most angelic encounters.. What words did they begin with? Don't be afraid... We expend more energy trying to not be afraid then being afraid and allowing the perfect love of the Lord to come wash it away.. I have walked in pretense instead of authenticity and gotten false security out of image and appearance then in the affections of the Father that loved me more than I could ever comprehend.. enough to send His son to die for me.. Do you think He is going to condemn you or chastise you for being afraid?
I find the more interesting thing that is circulating within the depths of my heart that the more I touch, see, hear, look at .. sense.. etc etc the reality of fear and what it has accomplished in my life .. what it has stolen... what my silence cost... what my speaking has cost at times.... When I touch upon this journey that I felt the Lord asked me to embark upon I am finding in some places more life and more courage than I ever thought imaginable...
Nothing happens in a vacuum .. not in real life, and of course I should have foreseen that if there was going to be a journey into honesty, there was going to be plenty of opportunity to be forced to honestly look at myself, the world in which I walk, have walked and am going to be walking within..... How in the matter of days, in the matter of moments can so many opportunities swirl... maybe I have ceased to consider the whys and now am just considering each moment ... Within each moment lies the opportunity for who I am to step forward, shrink back, observe, engage fully or partially....
The real question before me regardless of whether I speak or am silent .. regardless of action or inaction.. is do I self protect or do I gaze upon the Father and seek that which is He doing?
He is arising... He is washing over His people.. He is on the move.... His love is arising with a fervor and a passion and a fight..... He is perfectly stepping onto the scene and saying let me wash away your fear.. your self protection.. your performance.. your light shows.. your hype.... Let me over turn the tables within the temple again and show you what real religion is.... People don't need a show.. they never have and they never will.. what will satisfy them for a moment won't bring real life into their gut....
I could go on and on.. But Isaiah 58 says it ever so much better....
“Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.
For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?’
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.
For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?’
“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the Lord?
and exploit all your workers.
Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the Lord?
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
then you will find your joy in the Lord,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
then you will find your joy in the Lord,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
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