When the lights go out...

What do you do when the lights go out?


What do you do when the lights go out and there hasn't been a warning in place?


What do you do when the lights go out and you have no idea of when they will go back on?


Are there candles?


Are there flashlights?


Do the batteries work?


When will the lights come back on?


What do you do when the lights go out?


There are days when the toll of  seasons that have come and gone play out upon the flesh... Seasons that have come and gone and times that are still being walked through.  Maybe one day I'll look upon myself and see that which has emerged.  I get glimpses and glances here and there.  But now isn't really the season for reminiscing. Now more are the days and times to cling to grace.


I think I have forgotten the days when there wasn't sickness in our family.  I think I have entered into a new reality of walking each day out not even day by day but sections of the day.  We can have a great morning and it can turn on a dime.   And no one really knows why.


I recently looked at pictures of our son before he got sick last year and they caused me to wonder about the day before he got sick.  I can't remember it.  I can't remember what the last day before the mono like virus entered Gideon's life and changed our world and caused everything to go upside down.  I took health and pain free days for granted.  I treated joy and smiles and Gideon's life as a given. I truly can't remember the day before he got sick.  Why?  Because it was just another ordinary day.


Walking through prolonged, truly undiagnosed sickness has taught me to appreciate the good days and cling to grace on the days that aren't so good.  My eyes have seen things I wish they never had to.. a beautiful son curled up in agony upon his bed, unable to move. I've learned pain and sickness don't get to dictate whether or not it is well with my soul.  I've learned to walk even more humbly with God recognizing where was I when the foundations of the earth were laid?  Understanding how much I truly don't understand but declaring like Peter, "Where else would I go.. with you are the words of life."


Today I remembered back to the day my father died.  I don't even know truly what had me thinking upon such things.  He and I had  very complicated and harsh realities between us; but for a brief time before his death, because of the birth of our oldest son, bridges were trying to be built.


A week to the day before he would die he visited our family.  He had been living in the Denver, but work was bringing him back east.  He wanted to see his grandson.  He came.  We all went out for dinner.  We came home.  He left for his hotel.  I called my aunt.


I didn't really know the man at all and I began to express such things to my aunt.  She listened.  It would be a week later.. to the day, that I would be standing over an open casket.  I remember looking at him.  The make up artist had done a great job.  But here was this man and all of a sudden he was no more.  Again enter my aunt.  I was somewhat stuck.  Standing in the aisle looking at the casket. Looking at the man that had been my biological father. It was her hand upon my shoulder that brought me back to the day.  I had drifted to a dazed off place.  I looked at her and tried to begin a conversation referring back to what I had said not even a week ago to her, and she gently quieted me and expressed to me that this wasn't the time to rehash those things.


I sat in a parking lot the other day about to go into the supermarket, and all that these days entail were swirling... changes in our life that go beyond things shared here, sickness, death, the cares of this world...  When liken unto my aunt, the Lord interrupted my thoughts.  His voice would bring comfort.  His presence would be so fully soothing.


That which would be expressed from His heart would bring wisdom. The world and its ways are passing away.  They are not permanent. They are dying.  Sickness, death, the cares and concerns this world would like to bring to bare.. they are all passing away.  They are all but dust.  In those moments in the parking lot the Lord would lift my head to once again think upon the better things, and I was made glad.


Now faith is the assurance that what we hope for will come about and the certainty that what we cannot see exists. Hebrews 11:1


In those moments He strengthened my  faith for the day.  I am learning so very much about manna for the day at hand.  


The truth of life is we don't know what tomorrow brings, we don't know the moment that when the lights go out when electricity will be restored.  The truth of life is that I couldn't more fully appreciate the day before Gideon got sick that first time because I hadn't learned the lessons of the last 18 months.  


 In the midst of so very much that would and actually does bare down at times, I stand... having done all that I know to do I stand... I stand and I wait upon the Lord to renew my strength. 

When the lights go out and all seems dark and bleak, all I know to do is wait for those that are working on the issue to restore the lights.  As it is in the natural so does it go in the spirit.  When things seem dark and the 
night seems like it has been so much longer than it should be..  I have learned and am learning to wait upon the Lord so that strength, hope and life will be renewed.


When the lights go out... I hope against the darkness and stand assured that He who knows all things is working to restore. When the lights go out.. I light a candle to remind myself even in the smallest of ways what light looks like and when the lights go out I call to mind that even the darkness is as light to Him.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?
When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh,
My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
In spite of this I shall be confident.

One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.
For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle;
In the secret place of His tent He will hide me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me,
And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You,
“Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not abandon me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
But the Lord will take me up.

Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a level path
Because of my foes.
Do not deliver me over to the desire of my adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.