Awakening and being seen... I am His daughter.. I am His girl

I stood before her... and I trust her... I could tell she was looking at me... no.. not the passing people on the road and looking... but the looking at me... seeing me...

There are times when I know that someone is doing that and I feel slightly unclean.. .like they are looking into something that isn't theirs to examine... But this wasn't that... I trust her and I don't mind if she sees anything good or bad... I am one open to correction and discipline and encouragement....

This morning thoughts were traveling through my mind and my heart about how a friend teaches on the fact that holy means to be set apart.. uncommon... and I was thinking about how that pertains to me as a daughter of God and as a wife and as a woman.... a woman so dearly loved by a Father who made amazing provision for me to know Him and be known by Him...

As I thought through these things this morning... I realized that I was awakening to more of who it is that I am .. intrinsically am... not what roles would define me nor what gifts would categorize me but me... Who I am....

And then something a tad alarming happened... I started to shut down.. I could fell my heart go into this mode and not only was it alarming ... I was almost shouting inside for it not to happen... placing my will and emotion to stay open.... to stay vulnerable...

The the Father stepped in in this most marvelous and yet completely Him kind of way.. gentle and kind and sweet but completely full of authority and power... He looked at me... "Do you trust me?" Well.. when I know who it is that is asking and I know what the right answer is then temptation and knee jerk reaction wants to say .. but of course....

But He didn't even (of course He didn't) want that... so I looked at Him and I looked at Him looking at me.. and I paused... there are things that I care about... there are things that I want.. but do I trust that no matter what I want and no matter what I think He knows better... even if it hurts... even if that which He wants to say or do hurts... and I realized that I still was always waiting for the other shoe to come down... I was still in my heart believing that He would come and take away all that would make me happy and ask something horrifically difficult but that out of my desire to please Him I would submit....

And I continued to look at Him as He continued to look at me... and He bore His heart and spoke... "It isn't as you think...." and we both knew that I couldn't hear all that He had to say... so we just looked at each other... my heart was saturated in unbelief (I know.. I know.. you are probably thinking uhm.. Mims... the Father is that present to you and you still have unbelief in your heart... all I say dear friend is that this is a relationship and I know He is so other and holy and magnificent... but He comes to Father... He comes to love... He comes to woo... and so yes.. even when I know His presence more real than these keys I am typing on .. I allow my heart to be that which it is)

As we stood in that moment... gaze locked... all else disappeared... and He smiled... light surrounded us as to blanket anything else I would see... anything else I would hear.. anything else that would distract a heart that had learned all to well to shut down when afraid....

And I stood there... and what I knew was that I was awakening... and I was being seen ... but I was surrounded by His determination to make it safe for me ... I was not being chastised... nor was I being rebuked... I was being loved... I was being so perfectly and absolutely loved....

Perfect love will look different for all of us... and in this moment it was the King of kings and Lord of lords ... the Father of all things.... shining forth the fact that one aspect of Himself is a baby wrapped in cloth.... He is gentle and He is kind... and to one who many things were forced upon He comes wooing... He comes wooing... perfect love to me this morning looked like that gentle lamb... the infant that centuries ago needed to nurse at His mother's breast.... He needed and there were the gentle comforts for Him...

That is my God.. this is my Father.. and into His presence I walk... Hand taken.. following alongside... leaning and listening to His heart beat... This is the Lord of lords.. and King of kings.. this is the Creator of all things.. this is He who calls us and knew us before the foundation of the earth was laid... This is our God.. this is my God.. This is my Father.. I am His.. I am His daughter.. I am His girl....