There are moments where the nature of the Lord come so shining through that my heart just fills with His marvelous affections and I am undone....
This morning as I sat giving my daughter a bath one such moment occurred...
He entered the room... and in my heart arose this emotion of that I didn't want to see Him and I didn't want to hear Him and I didn't want to know He was there... I was angry with Him in a way I wasn't even aware of....
I pretended to ignore Him but that doesn't really go very far with Him... and then the questions...
Can I talk with you... He asked... now one might think you know Him to be Jesus... you know that it is Him without a shadow of a doubt ... there really is only one answer... but my heart said NO....
He stood there silently and I turned to look at Him... my heart not hard but hurting and I looked at Him as such... and the look back was so full of mercy and compassion and love...
Can I come sit with you.... again I said No....
And my heart continued to break with anger and sorrow against Him... so much heaviness upon my heart that I could barely look up at Him and yet there He was...not leaving... not moving away...
Aren't you going to leave now... isn't this the place where You leave... where because of my decision you leave... and then I'll have to run after you once I realize the folly of my ways and I won't be able to find you... isn't this that...
And all He said was no and He sat down on the floor.... not any closer than He had been but not any further away either...
And the room began to fill ... fill with His presence....
And I looked over at Him and in silence we sat... but it wasn't silence like I had known .. it was quiet.. it wasn't awkward... it was beautiful and life giving... and I continued to stare at Him as His head was bowed.. and I watched and I watched...
Then from His heart He spoke and those words flowed over me like living waters full of life and peace and sweet deep joy.... His understanding of all the depths of my soul astounds me over and over again... not like surprise but delight... I am known and accepted and within Him there is no place that that isn't true.... no matter what... no matter what I find myself in and no matter what I would ever do... that is His heart... we sat there in silence for a long time... and the room just filled to a place where the weight of His presence held me ...
"Now" He asked.... and with barely a whispered yes I fell into His arms... and there we stood Lord and Savior and the desire of His heart.... we are the desire of His heart.. our fullness.. our life is His only desire.... that we would walk with Him and in Him and know Him and His Father .. that is His heart's desire...
No performance.. nothing to obtain to.. it has all been done....
I looked up at Him and then laid my head upon His chest and melted into all that He granted.... and warmth and strength entered my being and it was well with my soul....
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