There I was standing in front of them .. these huge dark wooden doors... deep settling breaths filled my soul as they opened... I knew where He would be.. I knew where they would be.. but I had no idea what the message of the moment was....
Doors opening and to my right sitting in old court house type box sitting ... row upon row they were there... I looked at them as they watched me approach and one smiled and waved and I knew her.. I knew her well... next to her sat the others.. and I swallowed hard as I realized who was all that was sitting there...
There were those sitting there that I would have said that I had betrayed by my immaturity... or lack of stepping out... there were those sitting there that could have laid charges against me but that wasn't what this moment was about.. and still I was not fully sure why I was standing where I was standing in this moment.... I looked at that box of people sitting to my right and there was only pleasure pouring forth from them... joy.. abundant joy.... they were the ones who more than anyone could lay charges at my feet and yet all of a sudden instead of looking at me they were looking up to the front of the room as He entered and took His seat...
I looked too...
There He was... with a book open upon His stand.. looking down and reading .. I could tell He was reading account after account and yet I couldn't tell what it was that He was reading and I was concerned for I knew not what the accounts were from... and I knew who was in the room with me... and so I just watched Him as He read and read and read..
Then He shut the book and the energy that flew into the room and the joy and excitement of those sitting there was so palpable that it was like they wanted to jump to their feet and shout and applaud and yet they constrained themselves for they knew more than I did... they knew He was about to speak...
He looked at me.. sitting up there in His seat.. He looked at me and all I saw was joy and delight and compassion and love and mercy.... He began to speak and stopped as He watched me watching Him... He got up and the hush in the room increased and I felt like I was spinning as to try and take in all the reactions and that which was going on ...
He got up out of the seat and took off His robe and stepped down and around and He was walking to me... He got up to me so close that I didn't even dare to breath.. but still He held my gaze... His hands went up to my shoulders and power and heat and life and victory and amazement passed into me... all at the same time... and He stood there looking into my eyes and I looking into His...
By the time He began to speak I felt like I was in another place all together and for a moment we had .. we had left the court room and were standing in the meadows that I love so very much.... we were standing there and His hands were upon my shoulders and His delight with us being together was intense..... I knew His pleasure in the truths that were entering my soul and were staying there... He had fought a long time to create those places in me and His deep pleasure in His work and in my life surrounded me with song and scent and tenderness and majestic beautiful lights.. all that whirled around but His hands upon my shoulders would have made me dizzy... but His strength was what I stood with and His delight fell upon my person in a way I had not fully experienced before...
"We must go back.." and as He said it we were again standing in front of the risers of people and He turned from me and put back His robe on and took His seat...
He then began to speak and as He did all the truths that I sort of knew.. the truths that I had wanted to know... the truths that I believed but didn't know filled the air and He spoke of how there was no guilt present and the people erupted in cheers... and He spoke of how there was nothing more to be done.. that it was finished ... and He stopped and waited for all to quiet down and He looked at me and leaned towards me and caught my gaze up into Him.. fully into Him and He spoke of His love and how He had loved me with an everlasting love and how His delight was within me and How I could live... live knowing His love and His favor and His affections
I had walked into a room full of those that could have laid the most horrific charges at my feet and instead of being condemned I was freed... freed from guilt... freed from shame... freed from pain and confusion and fear... freed and blessed into a life of full of tender loving mercies that flow forth from His every day... and full of a heart that knows Him... a heart whose capacity was grown to receive His truth of His mercy and His love and His grace...
Standing there before my judge and those that could have condemned me I saw my life through newer eyes and my mind changed ... I could feel within my being a capacity to hold truth in a way that was not there before and to grasp and to comprehend....
I had entered the chamber and then feared for lack of knowing that which was going to happen and yet as I felt the times together drifting away and coming back to my room a new life coursed throughout my arms and my being and a smile formed upon my face as my eyes closed as I remembered once again how very loved I truly am....
Because I am me I need to write this... while these moments are so very precious to me and while I fully love my times with the Lord .. these moments are not just unto me and my prayer is that we would all know how wide and deep and high and long is His love and that we would all enter into these moments and moments like these with our God.....
In these moments I am transformed and within His heart beat I am made new..... be made new every day... within His shadow may we all reside.. and within His resting places may we all be made new... and within the knowledge of the fact that His eyes are continually upon us may we find the joy of our maker and delight in that joy together...
Amer.... and amen
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