Walking the Passage: so that I 'll know....

Thursday, March 1, 2012

so that I 'll know....

I can believe many things.... I can believe a chair is going to hold me up until I sit on it and find that one of the legs isn't working probably.. then what I believe hasn't mattered... because now I know that said chair can not do the thing I had expected it to.....

I woke up early this morning... and I sat in the quiet hours of dawn on my sofa... thinking through yesterday.. thinking through today..... I can believe in God's goodness and His nature and character all day long... and then a need arises and what I truly believe is exposed.... what I know to be true is tested....

I awoke afraid.. thinking of a sick child... thinking of events and circumstances that surround me... and I felt that lack... My heart felt faint... and while I knew where to turn I wondered about His answer... I wondered how would He meet me here .. now... and there were places in my heart that wondered if He would.... or would this be a moment where trust would just have to be found and mustered ...

My heart lacking courage .... I sat in the dark and just pulled myself into the corner of the sofa and allowed my body to just sink into the cushions... Just sitting there... just waiting.. not with any grand anticipation... not with any huge amount of faith...

In James chapter one we read... "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Who considers some of the things we encounter upon this earth.. "all joy"... days of trials where fear and lack would want to scream in and tear at your soul.... But who also wants to lack in nothing..... as I read that verse this morning he turned my heart back to joy....

As I sat on my sofa and laid out all the areas where I was being confronted with the places where what I know to be true was being tested... I heard it ... in the depths of me..

I knew.... And I heard the words..

"so that you'll know...."

There are places in my heart that believe in the goodness of God and thoroughly delight in it and then there are places in my heart that doubt... that have divided judgments.... But this morning .. this morning I got to see how faith does indeed produce endurance... and if I'll let endurance have its perfect result I truly may be perfect and complete

.. not lacking anything...

My material status or the status of health of a child didn't change in those moments but I did....

I did..

and in those cool quiet early morning moments I realized that I knew far more then I thought I did....

I realized I don't just believe this ... I really know it... and in that moment all lack disappeared from my heart.... in that moment the fear in my heart of what if God .. fill in the blank.. was answered... Strength poured in from on high and a heart that had barely believed in some places truly knew the goodness of God and was lacking in nothing....

3 comments:

Sarah said...: Amen! Thank you for sharing. So beautiful the dance the Lord does with our hearts.; March 1, 2012 at 10:13 AM
cindy willard said...: thanks for sharing...God, indeed, fills in all the blanks deep within our spirit..; March 2, 2012 at 3:25 AM
Cindy Leigh said...: Thank you so much for this post. What you are shared is so similar to what I am experiencing in my own life. Having been stripped of all securities man can provide, I find myself alone with the silent tears of my soul.

I call out to God and confess how weak I realize my faith is at that moment. It is then that He whispers His patience and allows me to understand that He sees the weakness of my faith and is already at work in my circumstances to strengthen it.

As one who believes that anything I have in my soul is nothing I gained on my own, but always a gift from my Father...I am easily comforted by the gentle reminder He gives.

Your post is an affirmation of how my Father relates to me in the intimacy of our relationship.

In the grief of my present circumstances the cushions of my sofa are a familiar retreat for me. The mountain of circumstances that loom before me are like a storm that causes me fear as I let the eyes of my heart focus on lightening bolts of whys? what ifs? and How can i?!! Only because of my Father's patient reminders to turn my eyes from the storm, to look to the face of my Savior, do I ever find peace and hope to believe in what I cannot see. I cannot see the answers I seek by looking at the storm. I don't even see the answers when I finally remember to look at the face of Christ...but I am flooded with a peace in remembering that He sees what I do not see and the answers are His to reveal in His own timing as He sees fit.

Will I return to huddle on my sofa when the tumult of the storm is loud and takes me by surprise again? History tells me I will. I long for the day when my faith is so strong and rooted in my Father's great love and plans for my good that I will not be tempted to give the storm so much as a glance. For today though, I will be grateful for the affirmations and reminders of His unconditional love and care through the gifts He gives to my soul. One of the awesome ways He gives me the desires of my heart.~~; March 13, 2012 at 2:57 PM

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One of my Favorite Narnian Quotes...

“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things – trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world that makes you real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play-world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we’re leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for the Overland.

A Brilliant Quote from Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,

but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking

so that others won't feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in every one.

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.