Today has begun and it is as though a dam exploded and in flooded idea after idea. Ideas how to proceed in my experiment... answers to prayer.... ideas about how to proceed with my art and fresh ideas for projects that are filling my being faster than I can even get them down on paper......
I have embraced day 16 and realized more than ever that it isn't the emotion... it isn't how I feel on any one day of this experiment... it is all about the choices I make and lean into..... I had hoped for more emotion/experience with this experiment ,and although there are the moments that come that are accompanied by emotion, I am realizing more and more that that is not to be a focus .. not even one iota.... cherish it when it comes but the strength of this is found in action and deliberate choices.......
Side note.. and a look into who I am... not knowing how to say this.. deliberate choices... have been hard for me... locking something into place as what I am going to or am doing... questions of what if this isn't right... what if I am wrong.... In my walk as a Christian I lean very strongly on what is it that I am supposed to do and I have realized lately that sometimes... sometimes it really is ok to walk and walk and take another step and another... and if my direction needs to be changed then it will but I must step and I must not allow fear to hinder me.....
As I have walked more like that .. more just risking and taking steps I have experienced so much freedom and joy.... instead of thinking that I am doing something wrong and waiting for the proverbial rod to come down and bring to bare its correction and consequences I am learning that the Lord delights in my initiative.
I feel like I am living the parable with the master who leaves talents in the hands of his servants and returns to see what it is they have done... I think more than not I have hidden them in the dirt out of concern of doing the wrong thing..... not always but sometimes.... and now... well, now I am living.. breathing... soaring.. in new ways... taking step after step... not thinking "oh this won't work," or "what am I thinking." But just taking each opportunity to try something new.. ..
As a mom of six that really isn't as easy as it sounds but hey just this holiday I tempered in an egg for the first time in my life... had to look it up on google (to even figure out what it meant) but then did it..... so it isn't just grand big (going back to school) type things... I am doing this in the nitty, gritty of walking day in and day out amidst my life and family....
Knowing inside of me that it will be better to try and not have things turn out exactly the way I thought then not try at all.. ok so more of a dah moment but for me it is quite significant.... fear being overcome by love......
So try something new today... and tell me what it is you are doing... risk... try a new recipe... go for a walk.. take a different path... befriend someone or do something out of your personality ..... just do something little..... risk something ... I look forward to hearing all about it..
No comments:
Post a Comment