Gregory is watching Polar Express... uhm.. the know it all, the doubter, the faith filled girl....... Who am I? At times I am each of those.....
The know it all who doesn't stop to listen..... who needs to learn( maybe close his mouth and realize he doesn't know it all and that is ok) , the faith filled girl ... who needs to lead (I love so many of her lines.... she just believes.. no questions asked) and the boy .... who needs to have faith and believe.... against all doubts... he needs to hear the bell .... he needs to hear the bells and believe that they are ringing.... he needs to take that step of faith.....when those around him can't..... and even as he grows and more around him stop being able to hear it .. he needs to hold onto what he knows and believes.......
The new year is upon us .. in just days it will be here........ a good portion of the first quarter will be about my project..... lots of new beginnings..... I think that the lesson the Lord is trying to bring home is that perfection is an illusion except for Himself.......
Patience is a key....
Admitting weaknesses a necessity....
Control is best left when left in God's hands.......
Change is never easy....
13 days into this project I believe a honest grade of how I am doing at this love thing would be a C.. some days a C- ... some days maybe a C +.... but overall a C ..... there might be moments where an A was more the grade but then on the opposite side the truth is that there have been some moments where I failed..... but I believe I will learn as much from my failures as I will from my successes if not more....
I am learning that fear is usually a factor in my failures.... I had Rebekah go and deliver the plate of chocolates and cookies to our neighbors .. (I had put them by their garage door thinking that they would see the card and the gift but by late afternoon with all their comings and goings they hadn't.) I sent her instead because I didn't want the awkwardness of going to their door... I didn't risk that conversation...
I didn't have the patience needed to truly assist a child through a rough day because he was hurting... I wanted the day to be beautiful and perfect and I was afraid he was ruining it... truthfully..... didn't he know that the plan was to have this perfect, wonderful, family fun filled day...... no he didn't and he was hurting and I didn't really meet him there......
And then when wanting something really badly I had my oldest son ask because I was afraid that the answer would be no and I was really hoping it would be yes...... but was really nervous...... guess what? The answer was YES! But I didn't ask... I sheltered myself from the possible rejection......
Lessons being learned..... My thoughts go to that TV show "Fear Factor." The winner at the end gets to hear the host say, "Fear is not a factor with you!" Well... day 100 here I come..... Life here I come... choices... again choices....... well.... here I go.... into the day.... and all it holds...... trying to overcome fear and risk so as to grow...
I wonder what my grade will be the next time I stop and pause and wonder upon the days gone by....
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