Looking at Thomas differently.....

Life and John 20 have me seeing Thomas in a totally different way these days...

One interesting component that I had never fully noticed was the difference to those that saw Jesus on the first day and verses 24- 26, where it says,

"But Thomas, one of the Twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came.

So the other disciples kept telling him, We have seen the Lord! But he said to them, Unless I see in His hands the marks made by the nails and put my finger into the nail prints, and put my hand into His side, I will never believe [it].

Eight days later His disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, though they were behind closed doors, and stood among them and said, Peace to you!"


I have thought about Thomas a lot these days.. That declaration unless I see...  What had Thomas been through... What was Thomas' journey through the life and ministry and death of Jesus?  What hopes had Thomas had in seeing and living with the Christ?  What hopes had Thomas lost on the day of the crucifixion? The difference from seeing Jesus on the first day versus the 8th, what effect upon Thomas did that wait have?


Oh I, too, have bragged and looked down upon Thomas and thought surely I would have more been liken unto the Centurion, whose faith was praised in all of Israel.  But then life and really reading John 20 with new eyes has me thinking differently.  I think I am exactly more like Thomas.. at least in these days...

It doesn't matter that Mary and the other disciples saw Him, it doesn't matter to Thomas' heart the declaration that Christ is risen and alive.  Maybe He should have snapped out of it and rejoiced and believed or maybe the reality of the events he had just lived through laid too heavy upon his heart.

So, YES, Thomas says that unless I see and unless I touch I won't ever believe... You know what I get that.... I really get that... Experience death, sickness, disappointment, loss... at some point other people's testimonies of truth no longer work...  When you have seen the sick die, the faithful suffer, a child left behind...  when regardless of how much we try not to expect or to have our hope in anything but Christ ... there comes a time where you just want to scream.. Screw your testimony.. BUT I see and BUT I touch I will no longer believe... Maybe it was that Thomas didn't trust himself, maybe it was his heart was too weighed down with grief, there can be countless maybes..... 


One can read further in the text and even see where Jesus says blessed are the people who don't see and don't touch and yet still believe... yes, blessed are they!  They are a special breed! But realizing that Mary and the disciples that saw Jesus on the first day weren't much different than Thomas.. THEY SAW JESUS!  It wasn't by faith that they were proclaiming His resurrection.. They had seen Him.. What Thomas is saying is I missed out and I want.. NO, I NEED to see Jesus, MYSELF!


Please just sit with me in a place of hearing the heart of Thomas.. be honest with yourself... That place of heartsickness that wonders what is God doing or going to do...  That place that just needs to tangibly touch.. that place where worn out faith and hopes deferred just can't muster the Centurion's faith because while understanding authority you haven't seen the sick made well, or the movement of the Lord to bring forth changes in circumstances....  


All of that is beautiful ground.. for great opportunities for maturity and growth ...  great opportunities to turn and command the soul to once again arise and praise the Lord... BUT at some point, like Thomas ... maybe you just need to say.. UNLESS.. I see and BUT I touch I don't know how to take your word for it that He is alive....  and that everything is going to be ok...


There is a place of naked honesty in Thomas that I haven't touched before.. that these days and times have me appreciated in the deepest of ways.