When the day has enough of its own....

I seem to be getting simpler and simpler in my faith....

I feel like Zuzu, from it's a wonderful life, holding out a flower and asking her father to fix it....

When it isn't a flower but a complicated line of events what does one do?

When what needs to be fixed isn't a flower, when what needs to be fixed is ever more complicated?

I sat upon my youngest children's floor this afternoon, cleaning and sorting through their toys as tears streamed down my face... as the prayers of "fix it," were silently prayed....

I love the Father...

He has been only good to me...

Who He is is immense and passionate and beautiful and tender and kind...

I love the Father...

I love being His daughter..

I love how He restored the term, "daughter," for me...

I love that in moments when He hears my unspoken prayers that He "fixes" things, even when I can not see.. even when they aren't "fixed" to my liking...

I love the Father for even when all else fails, He never does...

I sat in the middle of the floor today, fingered some of the plastic toys and allowed myself to crumble into Him....  sorrow had overtaken my soul and shook my body... the list of the last years of events, the list of the current ones, , the hunger for Him, the hunger for the reality of the true expression of the Kingdom of God...  It all swirled...  I sat in the middle of the floor today and pleaded for Heaven to touch earth....  His presence.. His ways.. His heart beat...

I love the Father...

I love that He is...

I love that in an ever changing world, He will always be the same...

I love His consistency..

I love that He has instructed me in the ways in which I should go.. I love that He knows all things, I love that He knows me...

I sat today trying to find ground to stand upon, trying to find air to breath....

I'd love to say that something magnificent happened and that I was swept away from a place of loss and grief.... there was no “ah ha” moment....

There was a cry for Him to “fix” the many “its” … There was a phone call with a friend... There were a lot of tears... there was a lot of confusion.. there was a lot of fear...

And tonight there is quiet... tonight there is tired...

Today I prayed a prayer I have learned to pray... it is simple and it is what has sustained me.. “Today.. now, this minute...” a remembrance of Jesus' words that tomorrow has enough worries of its own... The only place I can stand is upon Him, in His hand.. and the only air I can breath is Him.. He is has become everything.. the One who knows my heart even better than I … The One who has carried me in His heart before the creation of the world... Today I poured out my heart to One who I can not see but who I know sees me.... and today had enough of its own....

His goodness

His faithfulness

His kindness...