I've been on this journey. This crisis, not of faith but of expression. I have wept and yelled and numbed and walked away from the thought processing. I have laughed and remembered and cringed and smiled to myself and again remembered... Friends forged, lost, regained... Opportunities that taught and branded upon me both that which I hunger to do and that which I have learned not to do. For the experiences of these past 21 years I have become very grateful.....
However it feels like there is a parenthesis being put around them.
It feelings like the period has been placed as had the end parenthesis).........................................
So what then... So what now
When the heart is appreciative for the experiences; good, bad and ugly, yet the feet can no longer walk the path they have known.
Once again to be very clear. NOT a crisis of belief. I actually believe more in Christ today than I ever have... Stand more in awe of Him these moments then I ever did..... but acknowledge that the expression of Him upon the earth.. what is that to look like?
There is nothing to grasp.... There is nothing to lay a hold of tangibly and say this is how we are now going to walk. There is NO big 5 step revelation plan that launches the churches and Christians of today into fullness.....
I like structure. I like predictability. I like having the illusion that I am in control. I like those comforts. I love being comfortable. I love the security that I can allow myself to pretend is there.
Except it is a huge mirage. It is the emperor with NO new clothes, it is the wizard of oz being found out behind the curtain... It is all that....
Not Christianity. Not Christ.. There is no mirage there... He is who He is and who He was and who He will ALWAYS be.... We've changed... although not really for even it is said.. He knows how we are made... He knows we are but dust...
So again... period... end cap parenthesis ) So then what now?!?!
The answer is as plain as it is profound... For the most part I don't know. I am really trying to get more and more alright with the fact that that is indeed the answer.
What I do know is this:
Leaning not on my own understanding but in ALL (as much as I can) my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my path...
I do not through His grace want to be a tower builder (remember Babel's ) and I don't want to build houses for vanity...
I know with everything that is with in me there is silence and rest and waiting to be had...
More than anything the dream becomes clearer and clearer when I think upon His presence... realizing it can't be treated haphazardly.. remember Uzzah. His presence is the answer and the keys are unity and rest and quietness and trust....
He is who He says He is.. may our actions reverberate with that reality... May we be a people who can trust and rest on the Sabbath.. on the Jubilee year... May we be the people that trusts for the daily manna and believes that tomorrow's will be present....
There is a most glorious invitation to behold Him and trust Him and rest in Him and acknowledge that He is able... we have exhausted ourselves running with the horses and the chariots and now, now it is for us to come to Him and He will give us rest and show us how it is done.. He is parting the waters and making a way....
His beautiful presence goes before us and protects us from behind...
The future.. I do not know what it is going to look like... But step by step He does indeed lead.... and leaning and trusting actually become the most amazing of postures....
1 comment:
I Love this because its how I have been feeling about this very subject. The closer I become to Christ, the less important do things become on this planet. I love my family and my friends. When you surround yourself in those who truly believe then its easy to look past what the (world and Satin0 have to offer. Please know that you are truly a person who believes. Thanks for your article.
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