From
the airport where my attentions were drawn to every little thing; the
woman sitting across from me, the snow boarders, the kids, the
comments, the announcements.. the trillion things that could be seen
and experienced...
I
learned in those moments how much I actually tune out. So many
things I don't see. So many things I don't hear. So many
things I don't experience. Selective processing....
To
then upon another day reading a comment someone made on Facebook
about the restoration of people gently... the thought of considering
oneself and ones own actions and being kind in the restoration
process... The word KINDNESS... the word RESTORATION.... so
much cluttered my heart and my mind as I read the post... as I
pondered upon that scripture... as I thought about Christ.. as I
thought about me....
To
days of sitting quietly and not thinking there was much sound....
But
learning to listen with my heart to all that is unspoken...
Learning
to see with my eyes the things that no one really wants to see...
For
so many years now the concept of “Awoken and Seen” has been upon
my heart... I've written about what it has felt like to awaken into
life, overcome mental illness, compel myself to be seen and heard, to
not shrink back amidst failure but to talk about it....
I am
the girl who invites strangers to a book study to talk about topics
such as shame, fear and vulnerability.... I am the girl that will try
and write about almost anything... I am the girl who tries to walk
speaking what's upon my heart and my mind. I am the one who is
trying to learn to understand what does it mean to be seen and to
see... what does it mean to show up every day and live that day...
what does it mean?
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What
does it look like to live valiantly?
(“Be alert and stand in the faith; be valiant; be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13)
(“Be alert and stand in the faith; be valiant; be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13)
What
if those days are your last days?
What
if those days are your first days? In a new location.. at a new
job... with new people?
Do I
show up?
Or
does a version of me show up?
What
does it mean for me to show up? Day after day to show up, heart on
the line, fully engaged....
What
does it look like to face failure after failure and still pick
oneself up at the end of the day, or the middle of the day, or heck
the beginning of the day and say, “let's try again”?
Each
moment it might look really different... But the place I keep coming
back to is full of those three words, “AWOKEN AND
SEEN”...............
I
will awake each day....
I
will try to live awake each moment
I
will awaken to the fact that I want to shrink back and play it safe,
and in some moments I DO need to retreat.. regroup... but I will
awaken to the fact that I most reengage...
I
must find the wholehearted path throughout the day.... allowing
myself moments to pause but finding the courage to show up after
those moments....
I
must see... I must really look.. look and see the people around me..
look and see the things that we all DON'T want to see... I must
acknowledge that in any given day there are lots of things that are
seemingly better off not seen.. but I have realized that if I will
see, if I will look.. if I will see despair, loneliness, fear,
hopelessness then I will also see power, strength, courage and
truth...
If I
will arise, awaken and see death then I will also see life....
If I
will show up and see the things that aren't pleasant then I will also
see courage emerge... If I don't shrink back but arrive with grace
and mercy and a mind set upon Christ..
I
will see wonders unimaginable...
How
the image and reality of God is translated upon humanity amidst those
moments none of us desire is an immense gift to be embraced.
To be
invited to participate in the micro moments and the daily
opportunities to SEE and AWAKEN to the greatness of our God is a
beautiful transforming adventure...
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