Monday, November 15, 2010

Memory Roads and those yet to come

It has been an interesting day. Running the conference with one arm was a cake walk to caring for the kids with one arm.  At one point in the day mainly out of sheer frustration I took the sling off and did more than I should have and am paying a price for that silliness tonight. 

Oh well.  Lesson learned. I am slowing down. Forced rest. Ok.  

I have been resting tonight and as I have old Vineyard worship songs have played in my head. 

These are some of the lyrics......

You came and opened me
Just like a window pane
You blew right into me

You gave me songs to sing
You gave me dancing feet
You made me come alive

Do You know how I love You so?

You are my summer's day
And sunlight on my skin
Stay here so close to me

Your beauty fills my eyes
So hear me when I say
You're everything to me

  "How I Love You So" 

I love listening to my pastor chat away about the traditions he has come from. They have stirred within me such a gratitude for those things the Lord planted in me during that first season of walking with Him. 

I am .... I am so grateful for the strengths that were birthed into the core of my being.  A passion for worship, a belief of body ministry, a core value for evangelism.  There are aspects of all that I am that were forged by the passions of that movement for which I am very grateful. 

As I journey down those memory roads I remember the days and times spent walking with Jesus in the back woods of a college I attended.  I had been saved by a visitation so seeing him, walking with him, holding his hand, looking into those eyes were all I knew. 

Before there was ministry there was Him.  Before I even knew His name there He was showing Himself faithful because I had asked if He was real. 

Today I have also started to process a major step of stepping back into some of the callings upon my life. I have thought about many roads I have traveled. Mistakes made. Amazing moments. Lessons learned. I don't know at all where the current road leads but I know who leads me down this current road and I'm ready to trust again. 

These steps back are interesting ones and the whispers upon His heart for me tonight undo me to the core of all I am. "I am with you......" nothing else matters. 

Moments past or present or future, traditions of men or personal mistakes all  fade away in the light of the understanding that He is there and the gaze of His eyes burns off all fear.... Because held within that gaze is perfect love and fear knows it has no place when perfect love is present. 

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