In that moment he promised me I would know where to go…. When those words were even spoken I did not comprehend the most incredible gift that was about to be given. More than any wealth… More than any possible possession I was about to receive a gift whose worth could never be measured … A treasure that would burst within my heart like a continuous firework show… bringing awe and beauty and light and color to my very existence…..
Over a Decade earlier I stood at a meeting and watched as my sweet Jesus pulled back a veil and introduced me to the Father…… months earlier I had woken from a dream that had ended with a phone call from my father… that had been the dream the Father calling… I had so desperately wanted there to be more of a conversation and yet it was just meant to be the beginning…….. A call of sorts…. So funny… I so enjoy the play on words that He walks me through….
Hands …… at the hands of others my life had been put on a path of nothing less than destruction….. year after year I walked as hands tore apart the landscape of life…. Hands….. ten fingers….. the intention of their creation was not that they would cause harm…. But that they would be tools.. tools to hold things… tools to be able to work with…. Tools to be able to love with…..
Hearts….. upon my heart nothing was written ….. no capacity to be able to receive “father” in any use of the word that didn’t invoke terror... sorrow …. pain …..
Hands….. at the hands of others a life was restored….. hands held a cripple up ….. hands ….. a physical manifestation of the Lord and His grace and mercy…. Hands brought forth bandages wrapped in the balm of Gilead and wrapped up wounds and cleaned out infection…. Hands made all the difference as blessings were spoken they held and comforted and I was shown what hands were always meant to be..
Hearts…… upon my heart was written care, compassion, love….. a capacity to be able to receive a Father in all sense of the word was brought forth….
I was promised I would know where to go… I was assured that the tools I had used to create a safe world for myself were just a counterfeit to the amazing capacity of finding a safe hiding place in the Father…. As those words were spoken I had no idea how transformative they would become…. But the seeds of those words found their way onto hungry soil and began their growth and revolution….
A mighty revolution within my heart……. A determination to only believe that which He is is what He is… a complete fascination with His capacity to love and protect and cherish….. Oh that He is that which He is … seems like I am living in a dream world that is too good to be true… and yet daily only gets better….. not the situations in life… not the cares or concerns…. But they hold no weight in the light of the knowledge of being loved by a Father who is so fully, fundamentally, completely all and everything that any child would ever want……..His beauty enraptures me … His kindness undoes me…. His strength leaves me in awe…..
Sang the song at church this past week… that we would have clean hands and a pure heart and would not lift them up to an idol… Those melodies have followed me all week. There is no substitute that could ever explode onto the scene and grant life and liberty …… There is no substitute that could ever cherish and not steal…. That could ever heal and not harm…… The Father’s heart roars out against those things that we would take to ourselves like a golden calf and hold to our bosom….. His jealousy is not for Himself but for a child that is playing in mud instead of dancing on golden roads…..
The world grows strangely dimmer every day as the Father lifts my focus to His face.. His eyes.. His heart… His hands….. as the golden roads of my Father pave out in front of me the most glorious of paths…. To be loved… to be genuinely cherish and adored by Him….
I wasn’t promised riches that day but I was given wealth beyond comparison…. I was brought to a place where I most certainly knew where to go….. To the feet.. to the shadow… to the tower …. To all that is all that is Him…. I never believed that He would do something so fundamental that would ever cause me to stop wishing for a different story of life….. but He came for the sick…. And it is said that those that have known need … great need… will know great joy…. And there isn’t a moment … I pause and close my eyes knowing what all those moments were… BUT there isn’t a moment that I would care to do differently … for they serve me now… they serve me now that I know the depths of depravity and yet against the heights of love they are mere puddles……
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