A picture of a dance came to mind this morning. I was feeling tired (between cutting out coffee and sugar and not getting much sleep) and I was thinking about how physical and emotional issues attack the very heart of intentional living and motivation. I was in the process of exerting my will and pushing through the day when as if from out a movie a dancing floor was before me and the Father took my hand.
Everything was smooth and perfect. Inwardly I realized that this life I am living is to be equated to that dance. I don't know the steps. I don't know what to do. Yet in the arms of a very talented dancer I can just lean in and be lead. In that place the tranquility and peace that filled the moment was overwhelming . He caused me to remember all the deep breaths that I had been taking a few weeks ago as I walked a new road that was being placed in front of me, and in that, the realization that less and less of those were being taken entered into my understanding....
As I continued in the moment a realization that it had been 25 days since the experiment had begun. (100 days of intentional living loving God and people) The thoughts about... it takes 21 days to build a habit filled my head. He had lead me in the dance and now He was leading my understanding. There are new habits that have been built. So often we try and try and try and fall down and pick ourselves back up only to try and try and try again only to fall again and thus the pattern continues. How often do we stop to say to ourselves... "Wow! I am really doing what I set out to do! These things are really being accomplished!"
A huge smile formed on my face as I realized that a new habit has been formed in me. I am not saying that I won't battle those moments that flare up when the 9, 10 and 12 year olds all need a good talking to.... but I am saying that I have found a new groove... and my knee jerk reaction has been trained into a calm and peaceful response... more often now than before... It isn't that all the worries have been conquered but that I am leaning and being lead more and hopefully with that trusting more.....
Into this moment of realization breaks the realities of my life..... (where the proverbial rubber meets the road) I heard Elizabeth crying so I got up from writing to settle her back down. As I walked past the Christmas tree (I was going to take down days ago but each time a child protested... and then I procrastinated) it fell.... seriously it had fallen once before during Christmas week. Jim had set it all right as none of us were willing to part with it at that point. But this morning needles so very dry... "Timber" yelled the tree and down it came.
And this time she was down for the count. No ornaments broken just ALOT of needles. So off I went to settle the baby back down and clean up the tree.... hhhmmmm just after writing what I did .. makes me think it is all about the practice of those new habits... The best thing is that we are all ok.. Gregory walked past it one second before I did and I am just grateful he wasn't hurt.
So three hours later all of Christmas is cleaned up... looked around bathrooms, window sills, fireplace, and put everything away to hibernate until next year. Towards the end of cleaning Gregory was getting quite tired and broke down into tears..... "my house is all dirty, my tree is all gone, my house is all dirty." (The layer of pine needles that covered the floor, from the multiply times the tree had fallen as I was taking things was quite thick) So we walked out to the porch and stood there together and said good bye to the tree that had been so wonderful to our family. Hand in hand we walked back into the kitchen, finished lunch and now both young Driscolls are in their beds headed off to sleep ( I can actually hear Gregory's faint little snore through the monitor..phew he needed this rest).
That is my life in the midst of dancing with the Lord lessons come crashing in and the idea of tranquility and peace take on a whole other meaning.... Thinking about Brother Lawrence these days .. washing those dishes.. (If you haven't read it .. it is certainly a must... Practicing the Presence of God)... so mine isn't dishes. It is the life and times of a toddler and a baby and the family that surrounds us. As I near the end of this a wonderful realization floods into my being.... I am beginning to understand how Jesus could sleep in the bow of the boat while the storms raged....
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