Sitting on the sofa this morning I began to reflect upon a moment that I had with the Father. I had begun to wake up and as I did it I felt Him there. He was inviting me to ask Him for a present for my Birthday.
I laid there and as I thought about it and thought about it and thought about all the things it would be good to ask for.... I heard Him whisper the answer. Now that might sound like He took the choice away from me however as I was thinking I was asking in my heart of hearts for Him to show me what answer would be the best.....
A funny side note and then I will share a secret. As I was waking up I could sense Him there. I could feel the warmth of His presence. The sheltering safety of His love. I snuggled into the blankets just to enjoy the moment. All these words floated into my head: "Dream," "Childlike Faith," "Uninhibited." I thought he was giving me something to write and I began to think about what it means to live in a place of uninhibited childlike faith. Where it is natural .. purely natural to know... not to think... not to wonder... not to doubt... but to know that anything you dream of is possible and anything you think up you can achieve. Now I think I will explore the possibilities of that piece but as I drifted off into the world of words is when I heard the question asked. I think upon that moment now and smile for I think He was showing me that I was somewhat off track of His intended purposes...
Oh how gently does He lead us. Oh how very kind His sweet rebuke. His love filled the room even more and I allowed it to saturate every part of me.... He was loving me into a place where I could hear what the best answer would be for me in this moment... so that I could receive it. And here is where the sharing of secrets begins....
Years and years ago ... seemingly another life ago Jim and I began a journey together. We found something that hit the very core of who we both were and we embarked upon a journey of learning about character, hearing God's voice, and discovering that you can unlock a dream and meet God there. The path became illuminated for us and we have walked upon it for the last decade.
Now for the secret.... (I feel like my nine year old daughter giggling in a corner with the sharing of secrets as she does with her best friends) ok, back to the moment... over the last few years specifically we have been completing our most important of tasks we were given. We were in a season of fulfilling what we felt God wanted for our family. It was going to take six pregnancies to bring forth an amazing son and an incredible little girl so as to complete our family here on Earth.
That is not the secret... here is the secret... I love that God speaks in dreams (still not the secret)... I love that He uses the night seasons ... when we are less inhibited to receive from Him to woo us towards Him and His ways (still not the secret) however (here is the secret) I came to the place where I didn't feel one iota of a inkling to look at a dream let alone interpret one.
I dreaded, absolutely dreaded, when anyone would ask me about a dream. (please don't feel bad if you were one of those people... my love and affection for those who would ask far superseded my dread of interpreting.) I came to the place where I not only dreaded being asked but truly felt like I couldn't really do what had once come so easily. Dreams and dream interpretation seemed like a whole other world to me... seemed foreign to me.. like something I really didn't want to engage in.....
This is truly the first time I have even expressed this place that I have dwelled. Being Jim's wife it felt weird to be living there and I have lived there for years... Being pregnant, or having miscarriage after miscarriage when you know the one thing God wants from you is to a have a baby, or raising a baby and a toddler amidst an already very busy family takes a lot of time and emotional energy. ( ok..a no duh moment here.. just smile.. that is what I am doing) But we had been doing that as we had walked the journey the first time so it has been a time of quietly examining for myself what was different this time around. I didn't really come to any earth shattering realization.
So back to this morning and the desire of the Lord, to give me a birthday wish. His love never ceases to amaze me... His understanding of our ways and who we each are individually among 6.7 billion people sharing the Earth just shows how absolutely amazing He is and like the psalmist I want to scream aloud my praises......
I could have so easily dismissed my birthday present if not for His wooing...... Unbelief or dismissal of my own imagination would have overcome any true capacity to receive from Him. Or I would have thought it a very weird joke ..... Only He knew me.... Only He knows the journey I have walked with dreams and their interpretations. Only He loves me with the love that only He can. I stand in awe of my God who prepared me completely to receive from Him that which was His heart's desire to give.
My present?
What was it that He spoke?
Interpreter extraordinaire.
I know one day it will be a sweet joke, a gentle smile and a quiet laugh between the Lord and I.......... For it would have never crossed my mind that that was His longing for me............ Also in that moment I was not hit with any extraordinary light or power from on high... so I will wait and daily I will live my life as a mother of six and remember that on the day before my birthday my Father gave me a present with amazing love attached to it in an extraordinary way.
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