Nine Months before and five months after

There had been serious problems that the family had been encountering prior to my arrival. I remember the morning I came downstairs the mom was sitting in the kitchen wearing her robe. Nobody else was to be found. At her request I went and sat down. She began to tell me about the difficulties that the family was going through. I thought back to the words of my pastor, when he had told me that he would prefer that I not take the job. And as I sat there the fullness of what they were going through was truly lost on me. I had so many problems of my own that although this situation was far from perfect it was what I had..... So I continued.

There are times as a story develops that some background narrative helps set the scene for what comes next...... because what happened nine months before this family, this job... what happened nine months prior to even meeting them was to shape the next year or so of my life .. and actually live with me for much longer.... What happened nine months before all of this I met a woman who still to this day memories of her at times sends shivers through me.

Up the aisle a woman ran towards us..... We were headed back to school after Thanksgiving break. My friend went to a really cool church and wanted to stay for their evening service. We would make the drive once the service was over. It was the kind of place that has visitors stand and say their name and where they are from..... So I did that... explained that my friend and I were headed back to school after the service. As she ran towards us.. oh so many thoughts ran through my head.... In hindsight it was wisdom that I should have heeded however in the moment I thought I was just judging her based on her appearance and I rebuked myself..... I was so very young in the faith... still so immature in many ways of life not just faith.... still so lost and unsure about my place in life.. still so many gaping holes of understanding just basic life 101...... She was excited to meet some young people of faith because she actually lived very close to where we went to school and was looking for fellowship.... She, too, had been visiting family in the area for the holidays. Didn't think much of it... told her my dorm and room number and we left...

Days later she appeared on campus... still didn't think much of it..... but she would come often and hang around. She was older than all of us and she was married.... but her husband never came with her and she would come and hang out at all hours of the day and night. She helped set some of my understanding of my new faith into place. Taught me some songs..... Explained the ways of the Spirit...yet there was still this deep gnawing inside of me... something that would make me tilt my head and scrunch up my eyes and look at her and look at her and look at her..... but nothing too seemingly out of the ordinary that would really cause one to truly say something was wrong.... Well not a nineteen year old who was so unsure about so many things....

The semester was coming to an end and I was changing dorms.... she came by right before I was leaving to go home for the holidays but at that point I didn't want to give her my new dorm information... thinking that the month away would put space in between us and that would be good... maybe in the Spring she wouldn't be coming back to campus... I was wrong....

She searched me out ... truly it was a small campus and all she really had to do was go to my old dorm and ask, which is what she did....... Then one day she was standing right in front of me ...... again a sense of dread just landed in my stomach and wouldn't let go...

We had some new friends that next semester, one of which she attached herself to like glue..... he too had that same thought... those same first feelings that I had had but he too rebuked himself for he thought he was judging her based on appearances... (the woman was very heavy set and awkward).. and so again true discernment was dismissed.... and it continued on throughout that semester.. things here and there... always some gnawing thought in the back of my mind that was being ignored.....

Then the Summer... becoming a nanny.... anybody I really knew was home for the Summer.... except she was still around.... she would come by the house or show up at a park that I was at with the kids.... however now there were others in the circle... others in my life that were watching her as well... the mom... the mom had those same gnawing thoughts... that same tilt of the head .. scrunch up of the eyes look at her and look at her and look at her.... but she had young children as well and was uncomfortable enough to set some boundaries... She was not to be around her children while I was working ... what I did on my own time was... well, I what I did on my own time....

She could sense the distance and it was hard to explain to her the new boundaries.... and one night she phoned me at the house. She began to speak about how people end up having issues with her because they get jealous because she understands spiritual things in really deep ways... how pastors end up feeling insecure and jealous of her and how they then start talking about her and asking questions and how she had been wounded oh so many times ... but this vicious cycle just followed her and that was the price of being so gifted.... she explained to me that it was only a matter of time before my pastor warned me about her or spoke to me about her and she wanted me to be prepared...... horrifically the next day the pastor called and wanted to talk to me..... I went over to his office and he began to do the very things she had just spoken of.... (she had been at a small group the night before --prior to her phone call to me and had acted in some inappropriate ways). I was the only one that really had "known" her so I was asked the very questions she said that I might one day be asked..... anyone... anyone else probably would have really put one and one together and sought out wisdom from the pastor... but I ... I was not to be so lucky... because all I could think of was that she was right.... that she had just told me this would happen and now it was happening.... and so it began.... the pastor wasn't a safe place for me anymore... the removal of the last wise voice in my life.......foolish conclusion... but it was the one I came to.... and that wouldn't be the end of it... no the end of it would have me moving clear across the country trying to get away from her ... trying to escape the web that she had only just begun to spin................................................

As the Summer progressed a friend I knew from college was going through some difficult times and reached out to myself and another....... I remember when he called for the first time after he had talked to her... I remember hearing his voice.. it was one of those awkward broken up kind of conversations but it was him and I was so excited to hear his voice.... with all the craziness that was around me his voice was a settling influence.... we figured I had a weekend off coming up and that we should all get together.... that he would pick up our friend and then they would drive to where I was and we would all spend the weekend together...... and then she joined the picture... invited herself into the scene and so it would be the four of us...... The four of us it became...

We just hung out and spent time with our friend who was struggling.. trying to encourage her and speak truth into her.... I remember when they left... I remember watching them drive away... it had been so nice to see them but it only ended up stirring things long buried in me and within a couple of weeks they were back down but this time it was to spend time with me and help me through all the things swirling and swirling around my life....... at one point we were standing in a parking lot... I had a gold Irish clatter ring on my wedding finger... believing that I would never really end up with anyone and that I would just dedicate my life completely to God.... however that weekend.... he came and stood by me... stood right next to me and took my hand.... he began to play with my ring and he looked at me and said that very soon someone would give me a real one of those....... before I could even react I looked up and the thought that filled my mind was ... yes, and that will be you........

Before any of that would happen..... things were only going to get worse... worse with the family I was living with... worse with their fighting.... worse with my friend who had been having such a hard time and worse... horrifically worse with her..............................

My friend ended up going into a hospital in Virginia and the idea was formed that the three of us... which had been the four of us but were now the three of us.. should go and visit her..... I left my job... just walked out.... and so I was now homeless but with them so what did it really matter... he had a car and we lived in it that Summer... as we traveled to visit our hurting friend... visit "her" family..... (never her husband though... yes, he did really exist but I guess she didn't want him to) ...even one weekend my family.... we just traveled the whole rest of the Summer with what little we had... sleeping in the car... in parking lots.... wherever...

That is when the real mind tricks began.......... an event had happened earlier that Summer that caused a jealousy to arise in her that would seek out to hurt me .. that would seek out my very life.......... a light went on in the heart of my friend and he realized (what I had known since we met at school) that he wanted to be with me the rest of his life..... and so we had gotten engaged................ it was as if we had lit the fuse to a most deadly of bombs... she would never leave us alone... at least not with each other.... she would tell me that she needed to go on a walk with him and that I should just rest and stay back but she would tell him that I had said I didn't want to go ... and so that continued on and on in different scenarios.... then would come the moment or the day when we would be alone for a brief second and we would start talking about how uncomfortable things felt and what was happening...... only for her to show up exactly where we were...............

We then actually took some time off... she was going to spend some time with her husband and I was going to go meet the family of my soon to be husband ...... we weren't there a night when as I was sleeping, (in a pop up camper that was parked in the driveway) a horrific terror settled in on me and I woke up with a vicious start..... the Lord's voice came shattering through the darkness..."PRAY.... Pray in my name... I am here and I will protect you.. but speak My name....." He spoke to me of how she was praying but not to Him and how she was demanding that I be harmed....... at that very moment she drove into the driveway..... I couldn't find my footing... I couldn't breathe... I didn't know what to do... But I got myself together and went outside to face her.......... as I did I asked her if she was asking that something very evil would hurt me.... I just couldn't fathom the whole thing..... what came out of her mouth horrified me and as I heard her words I stumbled back into the pop up ... "No," she had said. "No." She had not be asking.... she had been demanding.... what does one do with something like that..... If it could get any worse the next morning it did.... she had I guess spent the night in the driveway in her car.... and when I saw her the next morning... I went directly to her and said that we needed to deal with what she had said to me the evening before.... I will never forget the way she looked at me or the way her voice sounded... because as she tilted her head and scrunched up her eyes... she asked me what I was talking about and how that incident as I relayed it had never happened...............................

Again we should have just walked away... and as I look back with who I am today I can't even think of how we continued in relationship with her.... as though in a trance of some sort we still didn't comprehend the fullness of the severity of the situation.... and so it continued.... I wasn't in school but my fiancé was as was she and thus began the end of this chapter............. we had gotten a rental together.. the three of us.... and I "was to work" and they "were going to school" ... that is what we were told was the plan...... until a day came where the fog finally lifted.... I remember that day.. I was at the house alone. I went outside as he drove up... "I know I am supposed to go to California... I know that there is something there for me.... I'm not sure you are to come ... " were the words that came out of his mouth..... I stood there in the parking lot outside the house shaking.... he was all I had ... and was the Lord going to take him away too....... He drove away to pray and to think and to plan........ I just stood there not moving...... and then he was back and if I wanted to go I could go but he knew that that was where he needed to head........ As I look back we had to get that far away.... we found out later that she had tried to track us down even clear across the country..... but to this day we have never seen her again............................................... and that was what had happened nine months before the beginning of this chapter... meeting her..... nine months before becoming a nanny.... and the five months after...............