BUT I WANT TO BE A CARROT!

In her song, "I Saw What I Saw," Sara Groves puts into words her heart about a journey that she went on in Africa. As I listened to her song and watched the video the Lord spoke into my heart concerning the church. It was a Father's heart for His Son and the Bride that one day will be His.

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

I can't imagine what Africa does to someone. I can listen to the stories and look at pictures. However I have never stepped foot upon Her soil. I have never looked into the eyes of one of Her children. So I wondered what the comparison to my life was within the words of this incredible song. In no way wanting to minimize the message presented I wanted to tread carefully.

At the same time as I was processing these words there were many other influences flooding into my life. I stepped into a place where verse after verse would dance within the recesses of my mind and lodge there. It was as if ingredient after ingredient was being added. The lyrics to "I Saw What I Saw," Philippians 2: 1-18:

Philippians 2:1-18 (English Standard Version)

Philippians 2

Christ’s Example of Humility

¹So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, ² complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.³Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ⁴Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷butmade himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹ Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, ¹⁰so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Lights in the World

¹²Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

¹⁴Do all things without grumbling or questioning, ¹⁵that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. ¹⁷Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all.¹⁸Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.

There were other verses that pounded into my heart as though I was being resuscitated. In a very real way I was being brought back from the dead. I had allowed "ministry" and its earthly ugliness to wrap its tentacles around my heart, I had allowed cynicism and judgment to go unchecked.

And then I had a dream..... In which I knew I was being disciplined by the Lord.... I did not wake up repentant. Seriously. I didn't. I woke up angry and a defeated spirit was there to immediately grab a hold of the moment. Inside I was like, "really God.. really this is what you are saying to me...." I was so angry. I felt like the flickering wick being put out... or the reed that was already bent over being snapped in two.

Then a choice would I receive this anger and allow hardness in my heart to get harder or would I choose to understand that in that moment the Lord was being the loving Father, He promises to be... in that moment He was bringing His discipline so as to correct the path I was walking down.... because He disciplines those that He loves.... As it is written in the Message:

But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects;
a father's delight is behind all this.

And the as in Isaiah 30:

The LORD Will Be Gracious

¹⁸Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

¹⁹For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. ²⁰And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. ²¹ And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. ²²Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, "Be gone!"

He brought many things towards me... I read in a friend's blog how one can either be a carrot or an egg. I was appalled by my heart.. ( not God.. He is never surprised at the condition of a man's heart) but I was... surprised at how hard I had allowed myself to become. How filled with judgment and anger I was. So in his message, my friend, Rick Sizemore, spoke about how you can either get really hard or tender and soft... for when both, a carrot and an egg are put into a boiling pot of water that is what happens. The question was poised: Are you an egg? Or are you a carrot? My heart sunk.... I had become very definitely an egg... at the same moment I cried out "But I want to be a Carrot!" And that was all that God was looking for from me!!!