Good little Christian... My rant for the day..

I sit on my butt and stare out my picture window... my laptop cradled against my knees as my fingers begin the journey of finding the keys that will form the words that are on my heart... My heart hurts and my head is full...  My thoughts collapse one upon the other as do pictures of other times and other places and years gone by and too much experience and too many relationships and knowing too much and not knowing enough....

I sit on my butt with my legs crossed and listen to the rain pouring down upon the roof and watch as the leaves sprinkle down as they will in the Fall...  And I pause.. And I pray for courage because on days like today and posts like today... I need courage...

These days  words feel more like a pile of jumbled letters not at all coherent ... But I think it is because I want to back off of the coherent... But I will find the way to pick through the pile and I will find the ones I want...

I stared at the picture of all those letters and I stared and I stared at them over and over...

Which ones will I pick up?  Which ones will I put together?  Which ones go together? What are the words I really want to say?

And when I have found them will I be able to put them together.....

I'm not going to be culturally relevant and I am going to battle my way through this.. I am not going to be coherent... But I am going to say what I believe needs to be said... 

You see I have found my letters... there are five of them... And there is actually even a cutesy kid song that spells them out for you... J...  E..... S..... U..... S

Not emerging church...  it's been emerging for over 2000 years

Not" I feel left out as a girl because when you call the Lord Father it feels too masculine".. get over it.... 

I love poetry.. I love words.. I love expression... 

I love Jesus more

I have been mentally ill, I have fought depression.... There are days I live that feel more like those days and there are days they feel a far off memory.. I get emotions.. .Just ask my husband.

I know Jesus would go to  the fringes of our society and pull forward the widow and the orphan and the ones left behind...

I know this today those fringes are just as religious in moments as the establishment they curse...

I have lived through the third wave, and genX and this and that.. I have seen worship from denominations and those that wouldn't call themselves denominations for years.... I and you will live through more and more and more of these

ONE THING REMAINS

It pissed me off the other day when I was listening to a christian female speaker talk about how God being refereed to as male made her feel left out....  I am a Christian female speaker and to know God is to know God... I am confident of my voice, I am confident in my Father's kingdom of my voice as daughter... I am confident that in who He is He is Spirit and I am known and I am not ever left out...

I have thought about things I have read recently and things I have listened to and again I will say this JESUS...

I am confident of this...  I stand convinced...  

It won't be in following some culturally current trend in the church be it mega or not that will propel you into finding rest for your soul....  

There is rest for your soul....

I'm not going to be a good little Christian... I can't perform my way through the traditional sense of the words of church and sign up for this and that and do this and that and the other things any more.. But I can't perform my way through the emerging churches trends either....  I believe in grace and forgiveness but sin is sin and while there is forgiveness more than we could fully understand, grace becomes cheapened if we don't understand the cost...

Christ and Father are the place where I go when I need comfort and Holy Spirit is my comforter and counselor... BUT Father is also where I go when I need to hear the "go and sin no more."  I receive His discipline because He is an immense and loving Father and I will live .. REALLY LIVE.. when I follow His ways.. I will thrive.. REALLY thrive when I follow the beat of His heart.

I am simplifying...  I am on pause... I am on quiet... I am cleaning my house and purging my soul... I am sitting long hours in solitude and silence... 

Those who know their God will display strength and take action... To know Him is to know Him as He is .. Not as we or our culture would make Him out to be... But and so we must know Him as He is .... Know His heart and His affections for us.. Know His mercy, His grace, His truth, His righteousness, His justice, His holiness, His beauty, His and Him!  We must know Him and know that we know Him so that when something is being said even in His name our hearts can either arise and  stand under His banner or call forth NO.. that is NOT the Lord, God... Father.. Abba .. My God and My Lord and The Savior.  

I just leave this post with this.. Know God... Discern... Practice discernment..

Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. 

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

Hebrews 5:11-14