Not too sure where the Lord is leading with this blog post but I have words floating through my head and a picture and so off leaping into places I know not ...
Well.. the words.... "the things that we aren't saying that are killing us." And the picture... the day I walked on Elizabeth Hall and the doors locked behind me....
So I'll start with the picture... It isn't something I haven't written about before and actually for what it was I look back upon those moments on that hallway as some of the most beautiful of my life.... I learned so very much on that hallway..... Elizabeth Hall is found within the confines of a private counseling facility and the day I walked onto that hallway and heard the doors lock behind me was the first day of my life that I felt truly safe.....
There was a chapel at the center and I went there every day... I would sit facing the stain glass windows and sit on the wooden pew and I would sing... sing for hours.. sing my heart out... words having failed me I would sit and I would sing and I would place my life before my Lord... so much unknown... so much needing to be walked out... so much lingering... so much doubt...
As my time living at the center would come to an end I would enter out patient treatment... oh what had brought me there... oh friend... that will be another time.. but those times are coming where those stories will be shared..... At the completion of my out patient time the leader turned to me and shared her heart about how in my willingness to share with the other women and men of the program I had changed lives.. her included... in my willingness to talk about things that people don't like talking about I opened an on ramp for others to be able to do the same thing....
And that takes me to the present...... I stood in church and watched... I watched the room explode as a cloud of the presence of the Lord filled the front.. I looked at a man sitting across the aisle and watched as the Lord ministered to him... I felt the Lord in the room as He moved from person to person and I listened as the pastor spoke words of freedom and healing...... There were times where I would have closed my eyes and not wanted to have seen these things.... but today ... today was different... today was continuing a process of me embracing that which I am... a child of God... a child of God who delights in the unseen reality that surrounds us ....
I saw a distance in front of me one that I probably needed to talk to but how.... how to bring about a conversation that might be awkward and might be hard.... isn't it better to walk the status quo and keep the peace... so much of that thinking had kept me in a prison of a different kind and took the locked hallway named Elizabeth to set me free.... Ironic isn't it?
So I sat there and realized that authentic living is full of truth and grace and love..... and then prayed for an opportunity to speak to the gentleman that I needed to.... awaiting that opportunity but knowing that it will happen I put my trust in Father....
Now to the last point.... as the evening settles upon me .. this first evening of the new year I thought through the day.... I love my church ... Renovatus Church in Charlotte, NC and Fort Mill, SC has been an extraordinary place of life and hope and nurturing... Today concluded a visit with my husband's parents who are very genuine and kind people who I love very much, today also concluded the visit of one of my dearest friends and her daughter .. their presence brings great life to me.... today we had lunch with friends who encompass a vision and desire for ministry and life in God that is more beautiful than words could ever fully express...
Today has been a day... and sitting at the end of it... I realize that I am becoming more of who I was always made to become... Seeing the majesty of God move about a room and willing to step into it and partner with it and watch and acknowledge the unseen realities that surround us.... authentically enter in and live within relationships... expressing weaknesses (not being afraid of them) and acknowledging strengths (without becoming puffed up or proud) ...being that which I am and acknowledging that which I am not....
2012 ... well, the 18 hours of her has been so very interesting.... people, times, pictures of past things and the Lord .... Feeling like the journey of 2012 will be one of becoming more and more of who I am... looking back and stepping forward I acknowledge where I stand .... and this place... this place is a place of wonder and excitement and joy..... Delighting in who I am and who the Lord has made me to be in ways I have not been able to embrace I want to encourage you to step into life.... speak.... act... be bold... be brave... be you..... and live... live life.... live your day.... live your day the way you would live it.. not as others would have you .... or as you would think you should.... discover yourself.... it is a most beautiful discovery.....
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