Now confidence is an interesting thing.... I love where Paul writes... about having no confidence in the flesh and I was convicted....

 This morning I kept thinking of Tigger... and Rabbit's comments.. "He'll be a humble Tigger, a small and sad Tigger....

I haven't written in a while .. between schedules and life but the honest truth is that I have felt a bit off.... events and moments and conversations that have transpired kind of knocked the bounce out of my step... and I've been walking having my confidence shaken...

Now confidence is an interesting thing.... I love where Paul writes... about having no confidence in the flesh and I was convicted....

Phillipians 3 has become my resting place....

for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh, although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless.
But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained.
Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself.

Where had I placed my confidence... In my abilities or His... In my capacity to do this or that... to speak.. to encourage... to pray.. to organize...  what confidence was shaken... and shaken badly... 

Because a wise man who builds wisely upon the Rock stands.. no matter what comes at him or her.. the waves come.. the winds come.. everything comes.. but that house.. that life still stands because it has been built upon Christ...   My heart faltered under the weight of a tower of babel and it needed to get scattered... so that He could build His house upon the foundation of His life and His thoughts and opinions.. Not mine.. not others.. but His... His....

And I am beginning to breath again and trust again.. realizing that at my own hand I opened doors that are better to remain shut...  Confidence ....  I want to be one who stands boldly and confidently before the throne of grace.. and I can do so as long as my heart does not condemn me.. but when it does.. my heart and my confidence condemn me then I simply need to turn and grab grace and know that I can't walk here on my own.... I, at times would like to think I can.... but learning that in my strengths I am actually weaker because I am leaning upon myself where as if I can cry aloud for help and admit my weakness I will be so much stronger...

It has been a journey... one that I am still on... navigating the worlds of trust and faith all the while holding up those things I am responsible for and "need" to get done and walk with Him and let Him guide and direct....

Tigger has been one thought and Peter another... a man who walks on water but then sinks... a man whose confession Jesus says the whole church will be built upon but is also rebuked for the words that state that Jesus should not die... a man who proclaims his faithfulness only to be found faithless ... a man who goes back to that which he knows .. a man who realizes his own limitations and capacity to love Jesus... a man who steps into comparison... 


So many thoughts.. so much to think upon.. such the journey.... 


I long to trust... to love... to place my confidence solely in Him and abide ... to that end as Philippians states... I  press on... pressing on .. that has been a lesson of this season.... pressing onwards... 

getting my bounce back and looking to lay a hold of that which Christ Jesus laid a hold of me for...
I am His... and while I am at times overwhelmed by my apparent lack He whispers I lack no good thing .. and I smile a faint smile while He just beams as He looks directly at me and shakes His head, YES!

 


he'll be a humble Tigger, a small and sad Tigger, and a "oh, rabbit, am I glad to see you" Tigger. And it'll take the bounces out of him, that's what! Now, all in favor, say 'aye'.
Piglet: Aye.
[Pooh falls asleep again]
Piglet: Pooh.
[shakes Pooh awake]
Piglet: Pooh!
Winnie the Pooh: [waking up, then raising his hand] Oh, here.
Rabbit: Oh-ho-ho, good. Just good. Motion carried.

Roo: Christopher Robin, I like the old, bouncy Tigger best.
[cut to Tigger sadly walking away]
Christopher Robin: So do I, Roo.
Piglet: I do, too.
Roo: Me, too.
Kanga: Of course, we all do. Don't you agree, Rabbit?
Rabbit: I uh...
Christopher Robin: Well, Rabbit?
Rabbit: Well, uh, uh, that is, I-uh, what I mean...
Winnie the Pooh: Well?
Rabbit: Uh, I uh...
[sighs]
Rabbit: Oh, all right. I guess I like the old Tigger better, too.
Tigger: [Pounces Rabbit] Oh, boy! You mean I can have my bounce back? Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!