A couple of months ago I felt the Lord desiring me to write on my coffee travel cup, "She smiles at the future..." I knew the reference... and as I wrote it it wasn't truth in my heart... I looked at those words upon my cup and read and reread them.... I remember pausing and thinking I know what the future holds right now with all the transitions our family was facing and that just didn't seem possible...
Me... smiling at the future..... when there are moves and transitions and large decisions to be made and wisdom needed and the list kept going on and on and on.... me smiling at a future that had our family transitioning in a year to one of the kids going off to college and our youngest son maybe having some learning issues and again the list kept going on and on...
Transitions all around me and I've delivered six babies and I know what transition is and we have moved a bunch of times and I know what transition is and I remember several times at that point speaking that I was done.. that I couldn't do it anymore... or just saying, "no, no, no, no, no..." Midwives tell me those are the signs they look for that the baby is close!
Well... I did I wrote "She smiles at the future..." on my travel coffee mug.. and I looked at those words and drew over them with my finger tracing each letter....
A couple months later deeper into it all.. I stand amazed.....
You see I recognized in myself that when my life is beyond full I allowed my emotions to take over and to dictate that I felt overwhelmed.... OK... there are plenty of moments to be overwhelmed right now... and I'm not saying that I don't stand in the middle of one of the rooms and think, "oh my.. what to do ?!?" But the most beautiful transition in life is happening.... instead of looking at the moment and feeling the impact of the transition.. I look beyond it.... and then I realized... Smiling at the future!!!
The other night as I was just sitting at the desk.. I felt our Lord come up behind me and lay His hand upon my shoulder... I laid my head down on the desk and sat there..... His capacity to stand and bring me into grace is larger than my capacity to run from it... and His capacity to pour out patience and gentleness and kindness and wisdom is greater than my ability to ever stand without it.....
I sat this morning holding my three year old as she was having a melt down and I held her.. and I held her close and tight... stroked her hair and spoke loving into her life and her heart and whispered into her ear.... and I knew.. I knew I wasn't just smiling at the future... I was overcoming the past.. I was overcoming the ways I handled things before.... that a whole new road was being walked where I was smiling at the future.. being made full of God.. having wisdom to make hard decisions... having patience and kindness amidst a crazy schedule and laughing and loving and being gentle and creative and full of joy....
And I smiled BIG... I smiled BIG at the future.. .because I got to see that while there is still transition.. the baby is being born... this new season where we lay ahold of that which Christ laid ahold of me and I walk in His ways not as a fraud performing but as a daughter who resembles her Father and delights in His ways is amazing to me.....
To see the power of our Kingdom to transform and bring life abundant..... to watch while He overcomes the world and the trials and tribulations within it... to see Him arise and even upon the kids bring peace that passes all understanding.....
This is our God and this is walking with Him.. daily knowing that because He cares for us.. for me I can smile at the future and not be anxious because the truth of His passion and the strength of it flow.. it flows continuously and it is a most beautiful thing...
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