It's about who you can be..... That's why...

As I think over this past Fall there are so many thoughts that fill my heart and my mind.. things I even still wrestle with and things I only hope for more....  I think of Amy Grant's song, Grown-Up Christmas List, we played that song at my oldest son's dedication almost 18 years ago.... 

 I think of my own journey of life and the things that were said about me because of the things that had happened in my life...  Things severe enough like words that spoke forth I should never get married, that I should never have children, that I would  live in and out of pysch hospitals because of the level of abuse and neglect that I experienced as a child.  

It isn't that I ever wanted punitive moments for anyone involved with the incidents of October 10th.. and that isn't even fully true.. never against the other young adults but there were so many moments where my heart wrestled with how the coach acted and didn't act and how the administration acted and didn't act... 

 My heart ached because in all that I have walked through and in all that I have seen and come through I have found that every moment has choices and opportunities..  The opportunity to arise and with strength and  courage face ugly things and declare that those ugly things don't get to dictate the final outcome... 

That within each of us resides the most amazing capacity to cherish and to celebrate one another and the gift of life and the joy and dignity of humanity... To champion each other and as far as it goes for us to propel one another forward into all that we all can be and become.. To cherish and celebrate each other's dreams and do all that we can to assist those dreams to become reality...

I have had those people in my life that saw a life by the road side and didn't walk to the other side but that laid their own life down so that I could have a more firm on ramp towards a real life and real hope...

More than anything I wanted redemptive moments to emerge from ugliness and for adults to speak forth courage not just with words but with actions. To admit where weakness both personal and policy showed up and yet instead of being  afraid of a law suit that was never going to come to take action publicly to assure that safety of all and championing of life would be what would emerge... 

So I didn't get to see much of that happen and the message to children wasn't so much when you hit obstacles you can hit them face on and admit weakness and in that place actually walk in the greatest of strengths and have help...  But all of this has served to remind me of where it is that I came from and where it is that I am going and what is important ....  

To celebrate life.. To celebrate one another.. To champion diversity.. To not settle for tolerance but to step forward in a love that declares worth and value beyond just that of tolerating one another...  This is my life.. this didn't emerge because of the events of October 10th... It was who I have learned to become.. It is who I wanted to be ...  whether it is naive or not.. simple or not.... 

These events haven't gotten to win in my heart because within my being it is about daily living forth, whether well or poorly, living forth the values that I hold so very deep... struggling and wrestling with obstacles but overcoming because I don't want to be of those who shrink back...

Years ago in moments when hope concerning my personal life was fading and darkness seemed to be gaining so much ground... I cried aloud for grace and in those moments found a path out of the darkness into a life that I wouldn't have even had the imagination to dream up ...  Dream up that life for yourself and then realize that what can be can surpass even your wildest imaginations.. and when you hit obstacles and it seems like those dreams are so far out of reach cry aloud for grace and hang on... hang on .. and keep walking .. step by step...  

I include these pictures of me not to talk about weight loss per se.. but to invite you see that the physical weight was only indicative of the weights upon my soul... and as I would journey through valleys filled with shadows of the past I would leave the pounds behind and emerge into more of who it is that I was always called to be... 

It isn't a one time event.. it is moment by moment in life... But be you... I am the mom.. I have 6 kids... Married 20 years... and though my house may seem crazy at times it isn't a psych hospital... I am the mom started as I walked through the first days concerning the hateful events of October 10th but the heart beat behind it all is to champion you and your voice... to celebrate you and your life.. to cherish you and your dreams...  

Living more and more the Life that I was always meant to... Overcoming the past and pressing forward onto life and joy and freedom....

Do you remember me?I sat upon your kneeI wrote to youWith childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up nowAnd still need help somehow.(can you still help somehow)I'm not a childBut my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wishMy grown-up christmas listNot for myselfBut for a world in need
No more lives torn apartThat wars would never start,(and wars would never start)And time would heal all heartsAnd everyone would have a friendAnd right would always winAnd love would never endThis is my grown-up christmas list
As children we believedThe grandest sight to seeWas something lovelyWrapped beneath our tree.(wrapped beneath the tree)
Well heaven surely knowsThat packages and bowsCan never healA hurting human soul
No more lives torn apartThat wars would never startAnd time would heal all heartsAnd everyone would have a friendAnd right would always winAnd love would never endThis is my grown-up christmas list
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth(There'd be)
No more lives torn apartThat wars would never startAnd time would heal all heartsAnd everyone would have a friendAnd right would always winAnd love would never end, ohThis is my grown-up christmas list