There were once sharks in the water ...........

The words were out of her mouth... they hung there in the air and I knew what she was saying was true of her experience and yet pictures of where my life had been so different floated through my head...

The thought of how sharks when they smell or sense blood they go in for the kill was more the picture of what I had walked through... and here her words were full of liberty but very hard to hear... I knew her words were true for I knew the community she was a part of and I knew them.. I knew them well enough to not question one iota the words she spoke....

It had been a rough couple of days ... trying to sort through a lot of emotion and trying to cope with places where lack was more in abundance than anything else...  As a believer one wants to lead the "abundant life" and then add any title that even has one bit of leadership to it and the weight or notion of where one must walk can choke the life out of anybody..... Weights of expectation, performance.... pictures of all the shoulds ..


I am a watcher... I watch and look and see... I watch situations and circumstances play out before my eyes and I think of them ....  I have watched brother sickeningly gleefully watch as another brother misstepped ... knowing that they would gain favor or position.... I have watched fellow believers behave as sharks and at the single smallest drop of blood they are ready to pounce...  I have watched people removed from positions not because of sin or large mistake but for reasons that leave one scratching one's head wondering what happened... only then to watch a scene and scenario play out where those that replaced the ones that were gone had maneuvered ever so cunningly into position....

So my friend had shared how she would be loved no matter what.... she spoke of matters I knew were true.. she would be loved.. her lack in an area wouldn't be a sign of disqualification ... it would be an opportunity for love to be shown to her through the Body of believers she was apart of....

These people she spoke of they often leave me stunned... they propel me to truly know Jesus... as He is .. not as we would make Him to be... certainly not as religion would dictate Him to be... they continually show me the Jesus kneeling down in the sand writing as others would throw stones....  they continually show me Jesus pulling the little children upon His lap even amidst the disciples thinking He had something more important to do....  they show me living pictures of the loving kindness of the Lord... They show me Jesus not by the words they speak but by the lives they lead and they put a path in front of me I can walk upon... 

I was sitting trying to pull myself together .. attempting to push back a couple rough days... Taking some deep breaths and gaining composure I looked up... where there had been no one sitting in front of me all of a sudden a friend who had been sitting up front was now directly in front of me.... and where there had been no one along side me there were friends on every side....  Father spoke, " I go before you and I hedge you in.." Them living epistles of His heart....  I knew I was not alone...

I was a liar... and it was pointed out to me that I was a liar.. I wasn't told something I didn't already know...
I was a thief .. and told I was a thief.. I wasn't told something I didn't already know...
I questioned my capacity to be a mother... a good mother.. I questioned it daily as did you .. you didn't think something I didn't already think myself...
I was afraid and it was seen that I was afraid and those fears were played upon .. words only confirmed all the reasons why insecurity should reside within my heart... 
Relationship was granted or withdrawn based upon a variety of an ever changing system of measuring rods and standards ... playing games with lives and hearts and watching the carnage play out before me...

 If I do do this I am valuable.. If I don't do this I will be discarded... If I don't do this then I will be looked at like one who can be trusted but if I do do this then it will all be taken away....

My friend spoke of a different path...  of life in the spirit where those that are in relationship together see one another with eyes of faith... it isn't that they don't see what is there... they very much see what is there...  They see that before them sits a son or daughter of the Most High God... They see that what God says about a person is actually more solid than what the world or even said person would say ... They hold fast to the Word of God as a standard of truth... and when it is spoken that one's worth is far above rubies... they speak forth that Jesus ensured with His life that that would be so....


There once were sharks in the water and I was afraid for I bled from many a wound... but the more important scars are born upon His hands and His feet... and the sharks they don't scare me anymore.. for I have tasted and seen perfect love and fear is lessening every day....