It's not "Dear John".... It's "Dear ministry"

Dear Ministry,

Tonight I recall the moments prior to conferences... I remember the all nighters preparing for the attendees who would be coming.. 

I remember seeing the faces of friends standing behind book tables 

I remember believing it was all worth it...

The time, the energy.. All of it because back then in my heart of hearts we weren't peddling the wares of just some name and some ministry..  

We were together advancing the Kingdom we so very much love..

The relationships shared were worth the work...

Until at times and in time my eyes were opened to how much about the work it was... 

Relationships forged in small groups, at classes, at round tables somehow became secondary...  A work became more important.. 

I don't know

I battled back from cynicism.. I battled back from allowing hardness of heart and sarcasm to be what protected my heart...

Dear Ministry,

My dearest friend, Bill, has rightfully named you Harlot.  You, who come to rob, steal and destroy.

I've watched you do that.

Time and time again I've watched you be a plague instead of a blessing..

I watched you rob hope and steal joy and destroy lives and friendships.

Dear Ministry,

I want to laugh again ...

I want to watch the Kingdom of my Father advance upon the earth..

So  many say they know what that looks like..

So many thoughts 

So many opinions

Dear Ministry,

It isn't the work or the long hours or the loneliness that scares me or exhausts me.. It is the cruelty and destruction between brothers, it is the jealousy and envy that rage... It is the sin that plagues the household of our leaders...

Dear Ministry,

I don't have a clue of what you are to look like any longer..  But I know what you aren't supposed to look like and maybe for now that's enough...

Dear Ministry,

 I repent for in the past making you an idol and using you as much as you used me..  It isn't you I long for.. You a false love of the most horrific kind..

I'm going to stand beside my Father, my Lord and my Savior who cleanses Temples with power, love and true authority.. I'm going to allow Him to continue to topple over every remaining part of you so that I stand cleansed from all your trappings ..

You make me no more and you make me no less the daughter I am.. So I say farewell Harlot.. You have robbed, stolen and destroyed too much already... I'm guilty I allowed you to do that at times..  But my guilt is being washed away as my Lord's train fills His Temple and claims me as His own..

Dear Ministry,

I desire not to stand before Him one day and attest to all I did in your name and not be known by Him... So I say good bye to you that I may be found in Him..

Matthew 7:21-23

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. 22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many [n]miracles?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’

Matthew 25

34 “Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

41 “Then He will also say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; 42 for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; 43 I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.’ 44 Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not [e]take care of You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”