I keep coming back to these two phrases....
One:
Two:
It is a crisis of expression... I don't believe in the mechanisms of the industry of "Christian" ministry.. if you will allow me to even use the word, Christian, there.
I feel redundant
I feel like I am writing and rewriting the same post ..
but maybe at times one has to stay upon a topic .. within an expression and repeat and say it over and over and over again.. Maybe it is in finding that voice that brings some sort of understanding about... It is child like faith within me that says, BUT GOD... With you things ARE different...
I have spent time getting silent and still and have closed my mouth.... , The cure for exhaustion is rest, the hope for wrong doing is repentance... Salvation comes to those who embrace rest and repentance... Quietness births forth a steady nature and trust brings forth assurance.. the two put together bring forth strength.....
At the age of 42 having spent 21 years in a variety of ministries/churches I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to be saying I'm 62 and it has been 41 years. A hunger.. an urge.. a need, a desire for the reality of God (not as "he" could be marketed but as He IS) is so thoroughly upon me... A stepping back.. a looking in.. a pausing and looking... no longer wanting a proverbial "king" but wanting the King of kings and the Lord of lords to rule and reign over me...
I don't know what changes.. maybe more than I could even anticipate changes ... But at the very least I must continue to change... to become more and more His daughter and less and less a purveyor of "Christian" wares.... I have seen too much of that and I can not ever put my hand back upon that plow...
In these quieter days I felt led to 1 Kings 18, the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal,a story I have read through many times. The equation and lessons were different.
The mechanisms and cogs on the wheel of the "business" of ministry is as the 450 prophets of Baal.. and through social media and marketing and this and that personalities and agencies make huge money off of the leading marque players of the hours.... The Christian world is just as much an industry to be marketed to as any other sub culture or group... So besides great speeches, ie sermons, the CEOs of the Mega churches of today bring about a culture that is sad and handicapped and impotent at actually affecting culture for the Kingdom of God and doing more for the kingdoms of men leaving the people of God continually looking for a king to tell them what to do and the people live there because it is an easier cost than the true laying down of ones life.... what is a tithe, a book fee, a conference registration compared to the cost of true discipleship...
I have not answers.. only many questions and concerns...
But as I read about the frenzied nature of those Baal prophets I saw within their practices and behavior that which I have seen surround ministry and a pure, simple, (yet totally complex) faith in the fact that God is God and He will show up is actually what I long for.....
I will take rest and repentance and I will take quietness and trust over the thought riding on the swiftest of horses will actually bring forth any salvation... The answer has to be in quietness and trust... The answer has to be in repentance and rest..
There is no snazzy light and smoke show... there is the reality of God and the belief and hunger that in Him there is life and life abundant... He was making His son known before Facebook, twitter, and marketing agencies ever existed... and He has always been leading His people with His spirit and truth ... There is no horse nor any mechanism that could fly swifter than the power and presence of God and I am learning and relearning how much resting in Him achieves...
Jubilee years exemplified a trust.. a trust that God will be God and He will move on behalf of His name and on behalf of His people...
No longer a cog on the wheels or mechanism of ministry but a daughter standing and waiting and resting and trusting and believing in the fact that He will be my God and I will be His.... Forever His....
He is the God who heals
He is the God who saves
He is the God who redeems
He is the God who delivers...
He is God
It is a turning to what He is and a standing in the belief that He is and was and will forever be....
“In repentance and rest you will be saved,
In quietness and trust is your strength.”
But you were not willing,
And you said, “No, for we will flee on horses,”
Therefore you shall flee!
“And we will ride on swift horses,”
Therefore those who pursue you shall be swift.
One thousand will flee at the threat of one man;
You will flee at the threat of five,
Until you are left as a flag on a mountain top
And as a signal on a hill.
In quietness and trust is your strength.”
But you were not willing,
And you said, “No, for we will flee on horses,”
Therefore you shall flee!
“And we will ride on swift horses,”
Therefore those who pursue you shall be swift.
One thousand will flee at the threat of one man;
You will flee at the threat of five,
Until you are left as a flag on a mountain top
And as a signal on a hill.
Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the Lord is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.
O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is theway, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will defile your graven images overlaid with silver, and your molten images plated with gold. You will scatter them as an impure thing, and say to them, “Be gone!”
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