Do you know that you will always be OK?

Knowing the days and times....

Yesterday was that kind of day... couldn't even put my finger on it. It was one of those days that makes me sit and think and pray and wonder.

It made me wonder about the times and seasons we live in, it made me wonder what was upon us, it made me sit and think and ask God about the days we live within. The weirdness of the day. The way it all felt off. While there is still so very much transition going on in our own lives, this felt larger.

There is no doubt that my heart beats, and my entire make up believes in the revelatory nature of the Kingdom of God, that being so I don't seek after words about dates, and times, and this or that happening. If God wants to tell me there is nothing stopping Him, but I walk in relationship with Him to be in relationship with Him, not to have the future told.

Interesting enough though there was a conversation He wanted to have and He started it last night and continued it all day today. When concluding our talk I felt more loved and more cherished as His daughter, more aware of His reality and more full of the understanding of what knowing the days and times is all about.

Do you love me? Was the question that He asked. I answered that I did indeed love Him, while in the moment knowing where fear, and doubt and flesh got in the way. Interesting stuff gets revealed when He asks His questions. That is after all I believe why He usually asks them, He knows the answers, maybe the real question is do we?

Do you know that you will always be ok? I looked at Him as He looked at me and I was silent. Not expecting that question. Knowing the answer. We sat there, together, me just looking at Him, He just looking at me.

“No, my Lord I don't know nor do I believe that I will always be ok”. He was going further in one moment then I wanted but I knew not to shut off the journey. Though the topic was painful and that which He was touching unpleasant, all I wanted was for Him to continue sitting with me. I know, I know .. His presence never leaves and He never forsakes. But this moment, this moment was one of those moments and I wasn't taking it for granted. I needed Him. I sat there acknowledging my need for Him.

He sat by feet. Shouldn't I be sitting by His. He just smiled. He held my left foot in His hand and spoke that I would always be ok. I just looked at Him.

What's the worse that could happen? Was the next question. Miles length of answers ran through my head and my heart while I didn't utter one of them, I didn't need to. He knew them all anyway.

So what happens then? If any or all of that happens? Are you not ok? Question upon question. What if I said you would be ok? He wasn't now just asking the questions, He was answering them. Do you trust me to make sure that you are always going to be ok?

We got to the crux of the matter. No, my Lord. I do not. Because what you say ok looks like and what I say ok looks like most times are two very different things. I'm afraid. And we were exactly where He wanted me to be. Trust, fear, doubt, faith, love, confidence....... Assurance.

In a moment the truth He was pouring over me was like Niagra Falls. I sat there soaking it all in. That in this world the trials and tribulations will come. In this world there is death and sickness and sorrow and pain. Yet while walking in this world I do have the assurances that it does not get to dictate or determine if I am ok. I am ok. Period.

Within some moments His truths are way easier to believe than at others. Especially when He is sitting at the end of your bed, telling you so. Yeah, those aren't the moments where the struggle exists.

Will you do me a favor?

Now what do you say to that? Was my first thought.

Will you be who you are. Again we just looked at one another. He had already spoken about the days and seasons and times. He had already spoken about how the love of most will grow cold, the increase of wickedness, and more.

What do you do in such a time as this?

I knew He had the answer He wanted me to hear, but I knew that He planted the answer within me as well.

I knew that I still allowed situations and circumstances to all too easily dictate to me the reality of the wellness of my soul. I knew that we had been down this road before, and all the while I knew that there was more grace for me than I even knew what to do with.

I love you, He spoke.

You'll be ok.

I knew He wanted me to look up the statement, “though the mountains be removed.” I could hear Him saying it and saying it... as I googled searched the quote.. Isaiah 54:10 came forth in the search...

For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken," Says the LORD who has compassion on you.

Then to Psalm 46:

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the Earth should change.

As I read on and on I knew that though that which the world dictates rings true into my ears and heart. I knew where it was that He wanted me to journey towards.

Would you be who you are? We were there again. Having so known the lack of love and having so known the agony of abandonment, I feel within myself an understanding of love that I mediate through at times. Who wants to be the sappy one? Is usually my question back to Him. Yet tonight, tonight while sitting at the foot of my bed and looking me in the eyes and touching my foot, I knew He has trained me up for love, He has loved me first with an excellence that is all powerful and amazing. How could I live any less? How could I allow fear to force me into a place where I hold at bay my capacity to love?

I looked at Him and spoke that I would try. I would try. In these moments I feel more seen, more known then ever before. Whenever He comes like this He leaves me more thoroughly His, the fears that had been upon my mind were being blown away. The reality of the fact that I am crowned with the lovingkindnesses of God filled my head instead.

What do we do upon days like yesterday when the atmosphere feels full of fear and uncertainty? We remember! We remember where we come from and where it is that we are going. We get firmly planted in the fact that our citizenship is not of this earth, and that this earth does not get to dictate or determine how it is that we walk.

I'm not there... not truly. But if I'm honest. I'm getting there more and more through His love, His affection, His mercy and His grace... I'm landing there more and more.

“For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, And My covenant of peace will not be shaken," Says the LORD who has compassion on you.” What more does a girl need to know? What other ground does a daughter stand upon.