It isn't pretty church... It isn't pretty life... but it's life!

As he would express his heart for what he saw happening he would describe his desire for the people.  When within the confines of a Sunday morning expression things go off script. There isn't a problem.  The priority becomes what within that moment is upon the heart of God for His people. "It isn't pretty church," he would comment.

I was sitting in a coffee shop.  A woman walked in, she was perfect. Her clothes, make-up, hair... everything about this woman was put together. The woman I wash with spoke up and shared how to  her what just walked in was to be likened to a piece of art.  Our thoughts couldn't have been more opposite, I was thinking about how I hoped that what had her have everything perfect to the nth degree would find rest and healing.

I just recently told a friend  that my heart's desire was that we would have met  during a different season in my life.  What I realized this morning was I was saying that I wish we had met when everything was prettier, when I had the capacity to keep an exterior looking better even if there was an interior struggle.

In the  last few years I have had opportunity to lay a hold and a hold and a hold of the truth that in my weakness He is strong.  And when the opportunity that I was within would begin to subside right upon its heals time and time again another would follow.

Searching for equilibrium and reorientation each time but right before it felt like my gut could breath again another punch would land with it a new wave of disorientation and whatever poise or balance I had achieved was seemingly lost.

We've all heard it said that funny (not really) reality that there is no way the fruit of long suffering manifests without living out the suffering long... and living in the Western hemisphere I cringe at even using the word suffering. Upon looking up the definition however my heart landed on some truths.

I don't   know when this season ends... or if it does... I don't know what the next moments hold.. or what is held within them...  I don't know what tomorrow or the next month brings... I do know that situations and circumstances come and there are times in life when they come hard and wave after wave only seems like they are coming harder....

Not to be cliche but in these seasons we learn who we really are and what is really within us... and if we allow these seasons to do their work what does emerge is weakness... but a place for His strength to reside... death.. but a place for His life to be lived... poverty but a place for His wealth to bring transformation...

It isn't pretty but it is the most real I have ever felt... weepy and sad and broken and weak and poor and dead but comforted and healed and strong and rich and alive!