Maybe it is that I have been in the most wrong of places that stumbling upon a speaker who has no gile within their hearts so startled me.... But it was beautiful to behold.. A very brief moment that has filled out my heart with hope despite other happenings of a day....... It was simple in its origin but liken unto a most refreshing drink of the coolest of waters upon a very hot and dry day... So sad that such a thing is so very rare....
Sometimes I wonder what it would be to just see a person and not see a person... To hear what a person says as if it is the only words being spoken and not hear the words coming forth from their hearts... In my retreat today, I sought out the Lord and wept. Not for change of giftings nor to be other then that which I am.... But to be more like Him. And to find sanctuary within His immense shadow and glorious heart...
I turned to one of my most favorite fictional characters and just read and reread his words... Emeth is his name and what CS Lewis writes of him is brilliant within the work of The Last Battle....
“So
I went over much grass and many flowers and among all kinds of
wholesome and delectable trees till lo! in a narrow place between two
rocks there came to meet me a great Lion. The speed of him was like
the ostrich, and his size as an elephant’s; his hair was like pure
gold and the brightness of his eyes like gold that is liquid in the
furnace. He was more terrible than the Flaming Mountain of Lagour,
and in beauty he surpassed all that is in the world even as the rose
in bloom surpasses the dust of the desert.Then I fell at his feet and
thought, Surely this is the hour of death, for the Lion (who is
worthy of all honour) will know that I have served Tash all my days
and not him. Nevertheless, it is better to see the Lion and die than
to be Tisroc of the world and live and not to have seen him. But the
Glorious One bent down his golden head and touched my forehead with
his tongue and said, Son, thou art welcome. But I said, Alas Lord, I
am no son of thine but the servant of Tash. He answered, Child, all
the service thou hast done to Tash, I account as service done to me.
Then by reasons of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I
overcame my fear and questioned the Glorious One and said, Lord, is
it then true, as the Ape said, that thou and Tash are one? The Lion
growled so that the earth shook (but his wrath was not against me)
and said, It is false. Not because he and I are one, but because we
are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him.
For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is
vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to
him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the
oath’s sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it
not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my
name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves
and by Tash his deed is accepted. Dost thou understand, Child? I
said, Lord, though knowest how much I understand. But I said also
(for the truth constrained me), Yet I have been seeking Tash all my
days. Beloved, said the Glorious One, unless they desire had been for
me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find
what the truly seek.
“Then
he breathed upon me and took away the trembling from my limbs and
caused me to stand upon my feet. And after that, he said not much,
but that we should meet again, and I must go further up and further
in. Then he turned him about in a storm and flurry of gold and was
gone suddenly.
“And
since then, O Kings and Ladies, I have been wandering to find him and
my happiness is so great that it even weakens me like a wound. And
this is the marvel of marvels, that he called me Beloved, me who am
but as a dog-”
In resting in Him today I found grace... In leaning upon Him I found wisdom... In closing my eyes and drinking of His waters I was refreshed and made anew....
Oh how silly we truly are.. we think so much of ourselves and our efforts and our accomplishments... and He who names the stars hungers for us to discover that we are but children playing in the mud... When what we are called towards is a most fantastic and beautiful love that shows all things up ...
May I cease with all striving and all game playing
Sadly I wonder how much of our works that we do in the name of "Aslan," would be more credited to "Tash.."
All I can do is trust that he will breath upon me and remove the dross and achieve within me His image, His likeness, His purposes... That I would love Him and love those He calls to cross my path...
Today for moments I wanted to not see and today for moments I wanted to not hear... Yet in those moments and in the seeing and in hearing, a choice is birthed and instead of seeing and acknowledging that which is seen and hearing and knowing that which was heard, I lay it all open to Him who transforms us all.... So He asks us to see and He asks us to hear, AND NO it is not glamorous.. it is sorrowful and hard but beautiful and transforming as well....
For we all are but dust and but Him that is all we would ever be... It is He that has elevated us to our stature and but seeing and hearing how can we fully call ourselves and others forward to reflect more of Him and so very much less of us....
Oh God... Your goodness rivets my soul, Your patience startles my flesh... Your kindness is my undoing... transform me into Your image that I may walk more as You would have me... My eyes and my ears are Yours.... Make my heart more Yours as well......
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