Stunning. it is worth questioning..it is worth the angst . the struggle. for moments like these when glimpses are granted... institution or Bride...

Upon my person I yearn for truth... within my heart I hunger for it to reach into the inner most places and I will grapple there and live within quandary and angst instead of receiving some silly false platitude....

For months and months I have lingered in this place of question... in this place of hunger... in this place of wondering if I was following some crazy rabbit trail or if I was pursuing that which the Father had placed before me...

Today I spoke with a friend and laid it at her feet to tell me if indeed I was crazy... that I was off track.. that I was pursuing something more akin to the child's fancy of a leprechaun or pot of gold then the heart beat of Father.... was I off base? Was I crazy for hungering for something that I couldn't even put words towards? Was I wanting something this side of eternity that would not even exist?

Thank heaven for trusted friends... for people who exist in ones life that there is no censoring with... where words and thoughts and emotions and fears and questions and all else can be exposed....

Within this friendship I am allowed to not have words... to stumble in trying to find them.. to falter... to fail.. to seek.... within this friendship I am given the grace that I know so deeply exists within Father's kingdom and within this friendship I am granted sight into the depths of freedom within love.....

Within the love that exists between my friend and I I am granted space to breath .. to be wrong... to be right... in the space of this relationship I am granted the most beautiful essential place a human can give another ... I am granted a placement of being me.... outside of my family .. within the place of this person I find myself and I find freedom to search out the Lord in a way that I know I will not be ashamed.... or found delusional....

In the freedom that this friendship gives me to question .. to speak.. to in an uncensored way feel my way towards truth... I have my found more of my footing this evening.. found more of my voice... had thousands of questions answered... and more than anything had confidence given....

Tonight after a conversation many hours ago I encounter the Lord in a way that was a very much ah ha moment.... and I smile ... for it isn't that profound... I stand by that which I have already written in other blog posts... there is nothing new under the sun.... so that which I have sought after isn't new... it isn't that others haven't even spoken far more eloquently upon the subject...

No it is so fundamentally just between me and the Father... and in again typical Mims fashion shared... Oh I will always share .. I will always be a free flowing fountain of anything He deposits... I love the place in Hinds Feet in High Places where Much Afraid is transformed and gives unabashedly of herself.... that is me.... I can not meter my affections out... I can not live a life that is safe or full of social propriety in any sense of the way or state of life...

so tonight as I sat in a rocking chair with my legs crossed underneath me .. not even seeking .. not even in a place of asking ... actually so much in a place of peace and settlement that the concerns of the months past weren't even upon my heart.....

Isn't that when most things happen... when we aren't even looking for them.. but boy have I knocked and knocked... rather than the revelation being profound it is the confidence that was birthed.... in what Father said to me .. in that which He spoke .. it was one of those moments where I would say that I will never be the same as I was prior to hearing those words in that moment...

Those words... that moment birthed within me a blind stare... a strength to run into unchartered territories unafraid.. .unafraid of sanity... or the lack there of... unafraid of what any of it might mean...

I'm not playing a game nor am I lingering within a place of suspense... I am just in awe and in love... absolutely fundamentally completely in love

So as I sat in my rocking chair with my legs underneath me... I saw it as clear as day... this is that which transpired..

There is a place where it is alright to acknowledge that there is an institution ... and yet there is a Bride... and there is a transition going on... a transition in all senses of the word .. in all that a transition is within a birth .. within a life.. disorienting... painful... etc etc

Institutions are run

Brides are lavished upon

Institutions have structure

Brides have relationship

Institutions have a rigid and regulated manner.. a list of rights and wrongs.. a heritage and culture and history... Of sensible practices and proven methods.. routines.. manners of behavior acceptable or detested... schemes and systems...

Brides have a fluidity and freedom and grace... an elegance and flow... Brides walk path blinded to all else except that which is before them.. their soon to be lover... their soon to be mate.... Brides have a path to walk upon... Brides have a way that they go... they have a destination.. and they have purpose.. a plan... but Brides are single minded and with undivided hearts they walk upon a path full of love and liberty and relationship

Dear Dear friend of mine.. you planted the seeds for this to come forward in my life... you speak truth and blessing and love and courage.. and confidence.. you give me the gift of me... you let me be me.. and for that I thank you with all that is within