My heart beating... my head spinning... my being hungry... awoken to desire ... awoken by the passions of my Father... awoken and seeing.....
A call made out to a friend brought forth confirmation of things I was feeling ... another meeting that she had been told about .... a speaker saying the words that I feel floating in the air...... confirmation brings courage and strength... maybe I'm not all that crazy for thinking that things really do need to be different... that we really can't walk the same way anymore.... there really is hunger that won't be satisfied with the moldy bread of yesterday..
It is time... there are revolutions happening in the natural all over the world.... as it is in the natural so it is in the spirit and there is a hunger and a cry going out that is full of passion and truth and desire....
I am brought low ... I am brought to my knees... I am brought to tears... the aspects of the already and not yet screaming their way into my being and causing death to self and to understanding.... birthing forth a desperation so full that it is as full blown labor of a child and the birth pangs are making their way through my body and yet I am learning to breath.... in the midst of it all I am learning to breath...
Twenty years of paradigms building.... one moment a savior walks through a temple.. me .. His temple... and turns over all the tables and looks me in the eyes and says my house will be a house of prayer... my house will not be a den of robbers......
I have seen things in the spirit and then based on things I have seen and ministry I have done in the past thought I knew how to operate within the situation... but no longer can that be so...... while we walk upon history and while it is wisdom to walk upon experience... so must we have eyes to always see that which the Father is doing in the moment....
I don't know what it will all look like but I do know this... I am hungry and I am desperate and I can no longer settle for the less than in my life... for the statements of the things I want to do I don't do but the things I don't want to do I do.... that is a wretched place and it is time to grow up out of it....
My pastor spoke on something last night concerning those that led within the civil rights movement... he spoke on how it wasn't like they saw what they wanted and were able to live it... not in reality... BUT THEY SAW WHAT THEY WANTED and lived...... well I have seen what I want and I am going to live it out... every day .. day in and day out.. until that is what trumpets upon the streets of our towns and our cities...
I am going to live a life of love until it hurts... not until it is no longer comfortable but until I love in such a way that it so pours out of me and that there is no natural tendency within me other to love.... PERIOD...
When I open my mouth to speak what I feel the Lord is saying I hunger for the clear... concise... strong.... accurate... detailed ... words of God.. to come forth... a clear strong reverberation of a liberty bell type ring.... ringing out to all those with clarity and precision.....
We have walked in places of calling things prophetic that were never meant to be called that... but I want to walk into the real aspect.... I want to see with greater clarity... I want to hear with greater precision... I want to walk dripping with the affections and passions of God loving those in my life and speaking the clear words of God....
What will it be like? I don't know... but I have seen what I don't want it to look like anymore and well.... I just choose to live other... I choose to live life... where when God speaks and acts it isn't so loocey... goosey...feel good .. oh isn't that nice .... but it is God and it is life changing and it causes those around it to take notice and wonder.....
Those beginning days in acts.... the communities around stood up and took notice.. and thousands were added to their number..... what makes us different from the world.... it is lives in the very heartbeat of the statement... "silver and gold have I none but rise up and walk.." The name and person of Jesus Christ is what makes us different...
We don't get there out of performance or great programs... we get there from our knees and we get there from our hearts being placed before God.. we get there from loving Him and being loved by Him until we arise with Him and He goes forth before us.... we get there by living with Him and in Him and reflecting His image and not the image or name of some man or woman or ministry or church.. no ten point plan is going to get us there... but in repentance and rest and in humility and quietness and trust.... His life pouring out through our life ... purely and richly ...
Well.. that is what I see... though I don't see it ... I will live it and I will sit with Him and by Him and in Him and I will walk out with Him and by Him and in Him....
It will be amazing.. it will be better... letting go of known paradigms is never easy and often terrifying if I am honest with myself I have no place else to go but forward... and though the path is unknown and I feel the weariness of the time I must push forward... I must move onward.... I can't do it alone... but when I can't step one more step... He is there and my strength is renewed and my courage reset....
The already and the not bears its weight down upon me.... and yet all that I have been made to be seems like it has been brought forward towards this very hour.... I must life it out.... I must life it out... I must endure the race... those last laps...
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