There are scriptures that either Jesus says or things that are said about Him.... things like when He on numerous times speaks that He tells the truth...."I tell you the truth" He says....
Or when it is said of Him in Isaiah... He was despised and rejected by people. He was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering. He was despised like one from whom people turn their faces, and we didn't consider him to be worth anything.
As I have struggled with God to communicate the things upon my heart ... as I have looked up at Him and then lowered my eyes only to say ok..... I will write that.... I will share... the comments that come only then to serve His purposes..... I am trying to come to a place where I don't mind as much to share whatever that is that He wants me to.... and when I hear that it isn't just for me to have some sort of open crazy diary it makes all the difference ...
What's that song 2am..... (Breath)
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
I can't write just because it is like that... I'm not like that....
But what I am like is the publican... I stand before God head bowed.... with pockets laid bare and empty..... broken.... full of questions .... lacking answers... trembling before Him ... acknowledging that He is my place... He is my home and without Him... oh my goodness without Him I am very aware of where I would be...
He truly holds me together.... His hand and heart and spirit ... His ways... His face... His eyes... that gaze.... without that I am very very aware of where I would live.. and who I would be...
Jesus told the truth.... but it is said of Him that He was acquainted with sorrow....and familiar with suffering.... He was despised... rejected and men thought nothing of Him.... put that up against the show man ship and flashy shows that go on at conferences and auditoriums displaying a gospel that entertains and thrills.... instead of portrays the heart of the best Good news that there is ......
So I am acquainted with sorrow these days... and familiar with suffering... maybe not so much despised or rejected but there isn't anything within me that would draw the attention of man... but I really do believe that my heart draws the attention of my God.....
I sit very quietly with Him these days... I look at Him as He looks back at me... in my weakness His strength is granted... and in my most frail moment and greatest failures He manifests His life within....
Brokenness before God is not anything to be ashamed of .... everyone has their thing... some hide it better and some have more grace... some know how to focus better upon His love and His grace... I do ... at times... at times standing beside Him and seeing Him and knowing Him I feel invincible... and it is because of His love and mercy and grace... and at other times... I just sit quietly with Him .. and wait upon Him and know that as I wait upon the Lord He will renew my strength...
No hype ... no show... just a girl.. so very much in love with my God.. and knowing that no matter what I have no where else to go... so wait upon Him I will.... He is my all in all.. strength in weakness... song when I know not how to sing.... He is all that and more...
There is no shame in sorrow... grief... rejection... and there is one who fully understands.. and is the greatest advocate anyone could ever need...... His eyes tell the story and His heart sings the song.... and we can rest upon Him for He is gentle and humble of heart and He grants rest for the soul........
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