So one woman faces off with the other woman and they both share their stories... wife and mistress ... both lied to... both deceived.... both having to face painful truths...
Wife ... mistress.... church attendee... pastor... preacher.. evangelist... prophetic guy.... what makes the difference between any of these and the Shakespearean quote "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players;They have their exits and their entrances,And one man in his time plays many parts,"
I want to burst into tears right now... I truly am coming undone at the seems... for those women... for us... for us who sit and watch and be entertained by the "Johny Carson" televangelist.. marquee player product of the hour... church eat him or her up and spit them out when you are done sucking their anointing... be like the Israelites of old who when beckoned by Moses to join him in the fierce presence of the Lord stood back only then to make the golden calf...
It is a fierce thing to be confronted by the presence of the Lord... it is a crazy and fierce thing to think upon the fact that the One who is the Maker of Heaven and earth is also the baby in the manger... that is crazy thinking... but it is true...
There is much I don't understand .. there is much that I can't even pretend to explain... there are many things that cause me to look to Heaven and think to myself I truly don't understand Your ways... where I close my eyes and I bow my head and I allow the deep deep sighs to sink into my soul.... where at times weariness and questions lay ahold of my chest and attempt to place a burden upon my back way to heavy for me to bare....
I could tell you that then I feel the strong cool hand of His take a hold of mine and I look into His eyes and I know that He knows my questions.. my lack... my unbelief and yet He mirrors back to me that I know His goodness... that though my soul might rage with all the "what ifs" and "how comes" truly all I have to do is allow my head to fall into His chest and weep ...
I could tell you that I walk there and in those moments there still are no answers... and that upon my bed I look towards Heaven and I grasp truth and I ask for my Help to come forth from the mountains... that in choosing Him I don't ignore the lack that exists I bring it to Him like the sweet little girl, Zuzu, in It's a Wonderful Life with the rose petals and I ask Him to fix it... believing wholeheartedly that fix it He can....
I'm not an actor and life isn't a stage to strut upon.... there are real people who really need the Lord and I don't want to "play" any part or role ... I want to seek Him and seek Him and seek Him and seek Him and seek Him and seek Him and I want to know Him and make Him known....
You want to know where my mind goes these days... always now.. for instance.. I can't stop thinking about healing.. ... I ache.. I physically ache throughout the day to see that which I know about my Father's kingdom manifest upon the streets and stores that I walk.. I don't want to embrace the lies that the world around me wants me to embrace... I'm not hiding my head in the sand .. I am looking towards the mountains and knowing that my help comes from them... and He is the Maker of Heaven and earth....
That the story this world wants to tell with all its hopelessness is not the story and not the song of its Maker..... that that which we settle for we don't have to... we aren't to just take the crumbs off His table and scatter like some random dog.... I'm not a name it and claim it person.. but I know the nature and character of my God and I know that which He says and I know that while questions might rage in my soul my spirit soars as it declares the truth that lifts my soul from the doubt and discouragement....
I don't know how to do a jig or dance a waltz.. and I don't want to be some actor on any stage especially not one with a pulpit... faithlessness has followed me but I don't want other lovers ever again... through Him and the grace He grants I want to have an undivided heart that no matter what I am confronted with empowers me to stand with the boldness and confidence of a daughter who knows her Father and knows His character and His nature above all else....
I have learned that I am nothing more than that which I am but I am also nothing less... and that which I am I am because He declares it... I haven't walked into all that yet... but I'm walking towards it more and more... I can't walk any other way... it is that which I must do... It is that which He is pulls me towards Himself and I don't want to be drawn anywhere else but to His side....
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