Oh so yes now what does God being God have to do with a wife meeting her husband’s mistress…and how does a waltz turn into a jig part 1

I have to say I am a bit unnerved at the things the Lord will use to show me where to go with truth.. Vulnerability… oh my… this morning I read a woman’s blog concerning faithfulness or the lack there of within her marriage…. How much her husband had cheated on her…. Her thoughts and feelings on the matter.. etc etc…

As I sat after reading that blog I knew there were many different directions I could go….. and so I prayed…. And I sat… and I wondered….

I think that the thing that caught my attention the most and the thing I have noticed on my own blogs is that the more honest I am… the more I am willing to go into the deep parts of my heart and expose them to the world the more people are touched…..

one could say it is the culture we live in and that we all want to see that which wasn’t ever seen before… reality tv and life at its worst…. However I honestly believe the more I am at this that we are all more alike than we are different … and while some of us have more of a capacity whether through finances.. time… etc… to avoid the aches and sadnesses within our lives they exist there…. And when we see someone willing to talk about those dark places whether we are ready or not to approach our own issues we are pulled in….. into the stories that touch us .. into the stories that scream we are not alone in our darkness….. and there is a possible way out…..

So I talk about it all… I talk about being having been dissociative, overcoming aspects of an incredibly destructive past, overcoming the more mundane and grey aspects of residue left from past events… I talk about parenthood and marriage and life and faith and well anything that sparks my fancy…… and I approach all these topics with a determination to deal with them head on… crash helmet on … well, I actually have never felt like I crashed into too honest of a moment…… the benefits of having done so in the past have always only far outweighed any thought of “wow I am really going to share this…”

So today … today as I read the blog of a woman who had met another woman who her husband was having an affair with and as those women talked about what was happening in their lives…. As I pondered her honesty and as I thought about what comparison the Lord was having me take I ran the spectrum from Hosea to Elijah and back again……

Was it the aspect of faithfulness versus the lack of it…. No… it wasn’t that… it was Elijah… it was the moment when God showed up as God and laid the offerings to waste and poured out fire forth from Heaven… It was God … it was God honestly being all that He is….

Oh so yes now what does God being God have to do with a wife meeting her husband’s mistress….. oh my the paths we take sometimes…. But here it is…. Both parties in that story.. both woman wanted to believe the story that was beneficial for her to believe and so she believed it until the other woman’s story proved it false….. and as I contemplated that story and the honesty shared between those women I began to understand that which the Father was wanting me to know…..

Elijah’s declaration… his prayer prior to the fire falling from Heaven was “today let it be known” today let it be known that You are who You are…… an incredible prayer followed by the Lord’s demonstration of His power and His might…..

Bear with me I am trying to get where I want to go….. I’ll just say it I think some people of faith are trying very hard to believe that which they as Christians want to believe but that they have so very many questions about the Lord.. His ways… what He does… why He does things or doesn’t do them… Who is He really… But they never allow themselves the freedom to ask those questions…. Out of a sincere heart or out of fear or out of a religious obligation that is steeped in false honor more then reality….. they cling to what they believe without really knowing why they believe it….

I have placed in my heart that which I truly hunger for… I have hungered to know God… not as I would make Him… not as some biblical scholar would make Him… not as some form of current cultural fad would make Him.. But as He is…. As He is…. And the further I go in and the more I allow unanswered questions to linger in the air… the more I am learning to know Him… really know Him… and the less I hide (so funny really) but the less I hide naked behind a bush so He doesn’t see me… the more I allow Him to clothe me and the more I watch as He goes before me … I don’t question Him in ways that demand an answer but more as my son, Gregory, is doing to me these days….

“Mom.. tell me the story of that firetruck…”

“ mom.. tell me how this road was made…”

It is all the mom why is that like that… mom what does that do… mom what do you think… mom do you love me….. questions….. all the questions a little boy’s heart and mind can come up with and he truly comes up with a lot of them and asks them over and over again… even when I give the same answer he still wants to hear all about that fire truck over and over and over again….

Who would think one could see God and know Him better through the story of a wife and her husband’s mistress and the questions of a little boy and what those things have to do with the declarations of Elijah…. Ah the tapestry that is often woven as I walk this dance with the Lord…. It is a wonderfully fun waltz that turns into jig and then back again….

Part two is landing upon the dance floor soon….