10 healed .... Or only 1

Understanding no English tears streamed down her face... the caroling had gone from singing Christmas songs to worshiping and the presence of God was beautiful... I looked at her and she was wiping tears from her eyes...

 Sitting at a coffee shop... sitting in an area of a near by city and feeling the pulse of Father's heart for the people that passed by the window... one man passed the glassed window and he caught my attention... honor him... honor him was that which Father's heart desired....

 Walk here and walk there... sit... pause... look...

 They are people... there are people every where ...

hearts...

hopes...

 desires...

 Father's desire...

 not a number.. not a notch on someone's salvation belt ...

 Had I come to a place where thinking I knew what to do I anticipated going forward in strength... in understanding the way to walk.... having paused and allowed time to sit upon me and to slow down and be engaged with the breathing rhythm of God there were whole other places to walk.... totally other places to engage...

 As I found His rhythm and His grace.. I stopped thinking what I had to offer and saw ... saw souls.. saw pain.. passion.. laughter... anger... despair... desperation...

 In lieu of power manifestations... in lieu of God showing up in wonder and awesome deeds how am I to walk? In lieu of the miraculous what steps are to be taken... In these thoughts that which is exposed is me... and even in the writing of this I touch His garment... "In wonder and awesome deeds" is a leg being healed a greater work than handing a cold cup of water to one in His name.... I still level.. I still think of greater and lesser works.. when truly it is what is He doing at this moment... and doing that....

 Glass of water or stepping into a place where He is healing what is the end result of either?

 A heart... a heart...

 lepers healed .. only one came back to say thank you.. 10 healed.. one truly .... 10 Physically healed... one made whole......

 May the days and moments of my life be lived in such a way that makes others whole.... cup of cold water... or hot coffee... song sung... physically healing... miraculous provision... It becomes only about Him.. all Him.. only Him... His hands.. His feet.. His voice.. His joy.. His shadow.. Him.. He..

There was a response I wanted to walk in with but then I realized no.. that isn't what I want after all....

Acknowledging what I wanted to say I was forced to sit back and take another look... There are places I don't want to step any longer... My flesh.. my soul had a response... but there are lens that I don't want to see through any more... I wanted His response.. His way of seeing the situation.. His ways of compassion to rule.. Not to step into blind naivete but to embrace love... the kindness of it.. the truth that it delights not in wrong doing but it always hopes.. always perseveres.. always believes...

I want my eyes to see as He sees... I want my heart to embrace what He embraces.. I want to walk where He walks ... I want to be of another place while being in this one... I want the nature and character of who I am truly and intrinsically to come forward and I don't want to walk in a lesser nature any longer... How often does the lesser nature come through? How often do I not pause long enough to make a better choice?

There are references to the love of most growing cold... and in those times that which will shine forth are those that carry the torch of love... boldly and confidently knowing the nature and character of God and who it is that they are within the reality of the Kingdom...

Love is eternal.. it will never fade away.. and in that reality I desire to step in and always see with eyes that are full of love.. to step into situations and circumstances not with a mind set on the flesh but a mind set on the reality of the awesome truth of the love of God...

I feel the times shifting under me.. I feel the reality of His love and His grace surrounding me... I feel how it lifts me up.. how it invites me to a place I could not arrive at on my own....

I find myself putting upon my eyes the lens of Father even more lately .. I had closed my eyes to unseen things for so long... seeing I saw but tried to ignore... and the very places I had protected my heart from living I now find myself dwelling upon.... dwelling in places where I see and feel and am altered by knowing that I must hold onto Him and a compassion that only flows forth from Him ..

I am so dependent upon abiding... abiding in Him and not leaning upon my own understanding.. not leaning upon my own ways but in all my ways acknowledging Him.. and allowing that to change me.. to alter me... to make me more like Him.... Love's course flows and marks and changes and alters if it is allowed to.. if love is allowed to have its way.. it's way looks so very different than ever anticipated but in its way the most amazing things happens.

He has anchored me to that truth .. with just one word.. Who would have thought the word "nest" was quite that powerful... certainly not I!

I was doing some research this evening and I stumbled upon something that I thought was truly interesting... The word, niche, which can be described as a situation or activity specially suited to a person's interests, abilities, or nature is originally derived from the old french word, nichier. Now it is that word that peeked my interest... for nichier means to nest....

The second I saw that not just one light bulb went on but dozens... dozens and I couldn't write enough notes and single words to capture all I was thinking so I wouldn't lose one thought.. not one thought... Something in that meaning hit my spirit and lights went off... They went off in regards to keys for people... keys that could lead people into a deeper understanding of their beauty and value to Father... and I trembled at the thought of it …

Even now I can feel the truth of these realizations flowing through my being.... and yet wonder can I convey this.. can I write it down.. can I find the words that would express that which I feel so deeply....
Well.. I don't know but I am certainly going to try....

It wasn't so much the habitation of baby birds that caught my being into this place but rather that which an expectant mother does as she is closing in on the time her baby is to come into the world... The desire to have everything perfect.. to have everything ready... to be prepared for the arrival of the new life …...

So the word niche coming forth from a word that would mean “nest”.... well, it caught into me the Jeremiah passages... “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord! “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.. Plans to give you a hope and a future...” The reality of that before the foundations of the earth He knew us and He has loved us with an ever lasting love....

He “nested!” He planned and He dreamed and He loved... before we were even yet created He was creating for us a place... a place where we could be with Him and always enjoy fellowship with Him...

There are activities... capacities that we are called to walk in that He has made the preparation for... He has carved out the niche.. He has “nested”.. ours is to do by believing and trusting in that beautiful divine nature of unfathomable love.... His passion for us knows no end... His desire for us was the very joy that was set before Him... You are that joy as am I!

Your life is specifically suited for you to live.... He knew that which would have to be overcome and He planted within each of us the capacity to overcome.... His nature and character are what we can most certainly rest upon and in that nature and character the trustworthiness of His love is more solid then anything we could ever imagine...

Just picture... picture the soon to be mother... carrying within her the joy and the delight that she has anticipated and waited for .. and even if that isn't your reality... picture it.. go ahead and dream it... imagine it..... that mother... longing for everything to be made right... that mother desiring for everything to be in order.... that mother who is human and who can fall into the category of when Christ spoke that those of us who are human (or evil) desire to give good gifts how much more does our Father who is in heaven desire these things....

For I know the plans I have for you... for me... He declares it.. and He is not a man that He should lie... I don't know something clicked as I read about “niches” tonight... something so deep inside me... some switch that got turned on.... He is for us!!! He is so for us!!! And it is written THAT IF HE IS FOR US WHO THEN CAN BE AGAINST US!!!!

He has anchored me to the truth of His love... nothing can separate me from that... nothing... “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which in Christ Jesus our Lord....” Romans 8:38-39

Something in that little word turned a switch on and the Love of Christ and confidence that flows forth from that love saturated my very being... Oh to Him be the glory forever and ever...... Our Kingdom... the reality of His life... the reality of what our life is..... How amazing.. How stunning.. How brilliant... what joy completed at the thought of such a love.... How powerful... How astonishing... How phenomenal.. What power... The love of God that rose Christ from the dead living and pulsating through us.. His sons and His daughters.... What a testimony of life.... What a delight!!!

The age old question ... what should I write about?

So what should I write about? The question filled the air....

So many different trains of thought filled my own head... The joys and trials of being a mom... The journey of having been in ministry for over two decades.. The journey I walk as a daughter of God and the aspect of me as a creative being who loves ... LOVES words.... I love words... I love expression... So where does one start....

Well... I close my eyes... and at times I have my headphones on listening to worship... at other times in the early hours of the morning I sit in quietness and allow the stillness of a house that is rarely still to just saturate my being...

Ah so tonight... the age old question... "what should I write?" Well.. you are the only you... I love the Big Bird song... "There's Just One Me!"


There's just one me
Nobody like me
Take a look and see
Just one me
The sound of my voice is like no voice that you've heard
Whatever I am, I know I'm one special bird!

There's just one me
Nobody like me
Look around and you'll agree
In the whole wide world of people that you see
There is just one me!

There's just one you
Nobody like you
Take a look, it's true
Just one you
The smile on your face is like no smile that I've seen
You're one special person if you know what I mean

There's just one you
No other person
Who does all the things you do
Yes, it's absotively, posolutely true
There is just one you!


What should you write you asked? Well there is only one you... and only one you that thinks the way you think and walks the way you walk and has to share that which you have to share.....

So what is my advice? Be brave!!! Be courageous!!! And write!!! Don't edit yourself... close your eyes and write and write and write as if no one else was ever going to read it... dare to be the most you that you have ever been and then press that button... Publish that post... and soar... soar in the knowledge that you have a voice and there are things that need to be said and need for you to say them... Believe.... You have a story.. a journey and I will be richer for getting to partake in it

From Past to Present to Future..... eyes that look behind me and see where I have been now look down the path and envision where it is I go...

I don't know what brought me back to those early posts this morning but to them I went.... I think it goes into this other writing project that I touch every now and then and then leave it tucked away until I bring it back out again....

I read in one early blog post how at sometimes past stories of my life are hard to tell... when I look back upon them I see them through new eyes and don't exactly remember the places walked as they were walked when they were walked...

But then that brought me here to this place and to the now.... to the realization that one day I will look back upon these days with different eyes.. with the eyes of time and age and with the new understandings that come... This morning much has traveled in and out of my head but the key points are that which follows....

Becoming a daughter... being a daughter... growing in truth... embracing God's truth as my reality...

What is so revolutionary about Christ? What is so revolutionary about our faith? Is that it is living.... it isn't a statue we pay homage to or a set of beliefs... It is a man.... a man... a man who lived and walked and song His song into our lives and continues to do so....

The other day as I was thinking of Him.. this whole reality that He is that He is
bore its weight down upon me and looking up a new trust was born... not a trust out of the flesh or worked up in some sort of religious frenzy but a belief that He is for me.... and then today a dear friend sent me that Roman's passage and my heart soared.

Another dear friend lives and breaths truth..... speaking forth the word of God like the two edged sword it is and breaking off lies and false beliefs... He has given me the gift of knowing that no matter what I can stand upon the word of God.. That God is faithful to His word and that the reality within scripture is breath taking and stunning and alters the steps I take when I adhere to that which it speaks.... It too is living and active..... The Word became flesh... Christ the Word.. The Word of God living and active and true....

Having lived so many lies and having been under so much falsehood I bath myself in the word and call myself to adhere to that which it speaks...

Again seeing a new path emerge.. and not sure where upon retrospect how I will see this season but I anticipate that it will be seen in the light that steps were taken... once again I was or am leaving behind the old and taking upon me the new..... considering all things lesser I press on towards Christ and His Kingdom and His ways...

A bolder daughter I am becoming.... more sure of footing every day... not that there aren't set backs and struggles and doubts but I am looking at them with new eyes... reminding myself from where I have come from and to where I am going...

So I'll Let You Know..... How it practically plays out walking forward into a new land

There is a parking lot that I go to often ... I love that parking lot.. I turn my car around and face a building that my church uses on Sundays and I allow the warmth of the sun to fill the car... I turn on my ipod and continually live in astonishment about the reality of how guided the shuffle is by Holy Spirit....

The warmth and heat of the sun.. the worship that takes me to the foot of my Lord... my car, the parking lot, the building..... and yes... to my left a place that has drawn my attentions .... a camp ground.. a camp ground with people who my Father adores... and desires....

I have sat in my car and looked out my window and thought about that camp ground for hours....

Not too long ago during such a time the words of Isaiah would be brought to mind and I would look at the camp ground with new eyes.... The truest of fasts before me.... So I don't come today with testimonies... I come today with fish and loaves... so very little actually.... but truly the two stories that will guide this next season of my walk will be the testimonies of the man healed at the gate Beautiful and the feeding of the 5000... I have so little to nothing to offer... but my God does amazing things with little to nothing.....

Walking forward into a new land..

A girl among giants

I have heard that phrase in my head for days now and while I had glimpses of where to go I had no time but even beyond that point the time had not yet arrived where the full vision for this piece would emerge....

This morning picture after picture and phrases after phrases danced in the air all about me until I could no longer just observe...

What does this mean to me? A girl among giants. Oh so much....

I sat at my desk last week cradling my head in my hands.... Having come to a place where my lack of ability met up with reality I did not truly know how to practically do that which was before me.... Then my truest self began to emerge... "Lord, this certainly can not be of strength or of might for I have none.. not in this area.. and you have yet to bring forth to us those that are mighty and strong." I could feel life in the words as they fell from my mouth and I continued.."So it must be of Your Spirit... for is not by power not by might but by Your Spirit that I will walk this road."

From that point on the pictures started to flow... I felt like the spies seeing a new land... I felt like David in the field with the sheep having then come upon the field ... There were so many giants... Myself to name the biggest but not the least...

My lack screaming in my ears as the dreams and the truth of who our Lord is swelled in my heart.... truth and doubt meeting to form a swirl so great that I thought I would lose myself completely. Hearing the words that it was not by strength and might that these emerging roads would be walked upon but by Him and through Him I entered into a slight rest...

I am girl.. I am a girl in love with a God ... I am a girl who sees the armies of believers as paralyzed at times as those Israelites who listened to the raging of Goliath.. I feel that own trepidation within my heart as his bellows fill the air.... I am a girl in love with a God who has seen the land full of the wonders of her Lord and yet recognizes the battles that are to be faced....

I would question that in a line up of brothers would I even be in the line.... there is much I might know to do... but much I have seen and don't long to do... scurrying for this or that I just don't want in my make up.... And in a journey of spying out the land would I be the two who had courage to say, "we can take it!" Courage and boldness aren't always in my possession...

So the giants are real even if some of them are just in my head.... giants of finances.. giants of lack of skill... giants of lack of connection... giants of who am I anyway... giants of the thoughts that there are those better equipped... more able.... giants of doubt... giants of fear... and then truth erupts on the scene and the gray fog and darkness of the night gives way to a light so pure and so beautiful and so clear... It's not about me anyway....

I have spent time in the fields and not gone into battle but have fought the scermages ... I have looked over the horizon of a land emerging and felt the trembling of the earth only to command courage to enter my being and know that the Lord is the maker of the earth and that every knee of every giant will bow before Him... I have looked to the stories of the feeding of the 5000 and the healing of the man at the gate beautiful as one might look to guides upon a mountain pass...

"Silver and gold have I none.." So much I do not possess.. this isn't doubt .. this is truth ... however the greater truth (or as Aslan would put it "a deeper magic")is that in my weakness He is strong... and it isn't just a nice accolade or complimentary thought to speak forth that Kingdom isn't of strength or might but by Spirit...

At a women's conference so many years ago I received a notebook and upon the cover was the word, Miracles. I have never prayed for a lame man or woman and had them walk... I have never prayed for deaf ears to be opened and watched as upon the face the expression of a human being is dazzled as they hear their first sounds.. I have not seen blind eyes open.. I have not seen the multitudes fed.... all the giants and all the voices grow loud in my ears...

Who am I to think that I would see such things or be used in such a way? And then the words of the column on the side of this blog ring in my ears... "Who are you not to be?"

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking
so that others won't feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in every one.
As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Nelson Mandela)

Having been in the movement of Vineyard churches the stories of John Wimber reside within my heart... a man praying for the sick without result for nine months because it was a mandate he knew he had received...

"Who are you not to be?" It isn't that I am special that I journey out into this land ... I am simply and profoundly a girl among giants but the testimony has gone out and the land is beautiful and it is to be taken.. not by strength nor by might did those walls come down and those battles be won... a giant wasn't taken down by a seasoned warrior... but by a boy who had some stones and knew.... I might only have the courage and faith of a mustard seed but I have a hunger within me that will only be satisfied as the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear..... So I put myself out there... among the giants ... for giants were made to be slain by the stones of a boy... (Or in my case that of a girl)

His ways are truly so much more.. so higher

I just laid there and soaked it all in… feeling the familiar grasses of the valley underneath me I paused… Touching the grass… touching the soil… actually daring to open my eyes and look up and around… yes… it was .. it was where I had longed to be for so long… and hadn’t stepped into for a while… then the most delightful realization that if I was here then it wouldn’t be long… and the thoughts weren’t even formed in my head and I knew without even looking that He had walked up and was looking down upon me…

I opened my eyes and took it all in.. Him.. the valley… soaked in the air and closed my eyes again because I knew that there were conversations needed to be had .. I felt like I knew anyway.. If I was Him I knew all the things I would say to me… But totally characteristically Him He didn’t miss a beat… with the sparkle in His eye and a voice so warm and full of life He motioned for me to follow Him…. Leaning upwards I stood and we began to walk….

He was full of joy and anticipation and it was truly contagious.. I knew that we were going someplace new to me…. Something He was desiring to show me for the first time…. And then we were there and I could hear them before I saw them… Water pouring forth down off of the high peaks .. rushing down… but we weren’t done .. before I could even enjoy or take them in we were off again.. climbing … we got to a landing place and I looked down….

Everything I thought He would say to me .. everything I had expected to hear … had seemingly vanished instead He was walking with me and in delightful ways showing me things I had never seen before and introducing me to birds of the air that were magnificent and beautiful…. The air full of the richness of joy… Taking it all in I began to wonder again when He was going to begin actually saying what I knew He had brought me to Him to say….. I so wanted to begin the conversation just so that we could get it out and over with…. Right as I thought that thought He laughed and shook His head and we headed to yet another place….. There was the most amazing carpet of flowers and I stood there and took in their beauty….

Then it came…. He turned and I knew.. I knew that He would make sense and that repentance would be easy especially with Him present … His kindness had been so evident for our whole time together and by His side I could see how I had allowed fear and lies to once again steal my breath … Once again I had entertained thoughts so contrary to His character…

Again I would be wrong… Turn towards me He did… but the only words He uttered were words of affection….. words of love and delight flowed forth from His mouth…. I had anticipated correction .. I had expected rebuke… knowing that He only disciplines those He loves I had waited for truth to begin to come forth from Him and bring about the change that was needed…. But He knows deeper truths and the truest of ways…

I just lowered my eyes and whispered words of bewilderment… I was overwhelmed with how He had met me.. He had brought me to my favorite of places.. He had met me there.. He had walked with me and brought me to places so beautiful …. Standing in that moment I tried to take it all in … the reality of His love… This love that knows no end .. no boundaries.. just goes on and on… the power of the reality of His love .. His kindness.. His mercy… Him… He forever changes all that He touches and being touched by Him is forever changing me….

Tables were turned ....I hadn't felt the seeing unclean just unexpected .... And it had startled me but in His embrace all was being made well....

I watched and I saw.... I watch and I see... Then I saw his eyes looking at me and I could tell he was seeing and I was unnerved....  


It unnerved me...  It unnerved me that as I had seen others the Lord was giving him sight into me...  And I tried to grasp what it was the Lord was revealing but to no avail...


Then came the all too familiar voice... Can you trust me?  Kindness swelled all around me and light surrounded me as though I was in the middle of a tornado but then all was quiet.... And a hand was being held out to take...


Looking at the extended hand and the beauty in His eyes I could feel that which was in me that is of me and  isn't of Him quiver .. And still hand stayed out stretched...  Take it He beckoned... Take ahold of my hand...Were the words that flowed from his lips....


I realized how betrayed I felt... I like to be in control of the vulnerability that I share.... I want to control the flow of information regarding my heart.... If it is going to be showed I want to be the one revealing...  


"What did you share? " Was my expression to which no answer came....  "Do you believe I love you?" was His answer .. Answering with questions...


Feeling beyond exposed and shaken by the reality of having been seen I tried to gather myself together and even around Him tried to muster defenses that said back that I didn't care what was shared...


All that was received back was a look....   Lowering my head I reached out towards the hand that had stayed extended...  holding His hand He led me to sit down...   


I know eventually how to operate within moments like this when He is so tangibly touchable and present but reaching those moments when darkness seems to clamor all around sometimes seem impossible to touch and sitting next to Him I sighed so deep  that the exhaustion from within was let out upon His shoulder...

Quiet lasted as did the moments of no movement ...  His glances so all knowing...  I rested....  I rested upon Him and allowed all to be settled...


Yes another with sight had seen me... Had looked... Had been granted sight...  Had been granted a piece of the Lord's heart for me and in all that I could trust the one who had opened the eyes....  I could trust His compassion....  


I hadn't felt the seeing unclean just unexpected .... And it had startled me but in His embrace all was being made well....   

When I have gotten it wrong I have gotten it really wrong... morphing myself no longer

I looked and I listened.. and I knew my own heart.... I feel like Paul when he said having not attained but pressing forward...

He drew a simple picture and as it was being explained the room got dizzy and I sat down on the floor before I would have fallen....

Almost twenty years in ministry and I would have been able to speak what was being spoken but Holy Spirit was there and pressing the truths in in ways that were stirring all sorts of things up within my being....

Corinthians 12 shouts it loud but the sounds of our culture have drowned it out....
But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our less presentable members become much more presentable, whereas our more presentable members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.

Read it... really read it.. don't skip that part... skip through the blog... skim through my words but don't miss those words....

Time and time again I find myself in situations and circumstances where people are placing a hierarchical value system on the body of Christ... He or she is more important because they... fill in the blank... I'm not as valuable because I don't... fill in the blank....

"but that the members may have the same care for one another..." Seriously... the same care regardless if they are the speaker or the janitor.. the CEO or the mail room attendant...

I have placed myself on that wheel ... on that number line... and measured myself by exterior standards of men ... whether I was to be approved or not.... whether I was to be accepted or not... and then performed like a monkey to an organ grinder.. dancing and performing...

I have come to terms with the fact that I am one who can sense and anticipate atmospheres in a room.... Whether it is through actually sight and seeing what is in the room or sensing that which is in the room ... I can perceive and pick up on things like that... I can at times do that with people as well... There have been places where whether at churches or conferences these type of things are really beneficial to the body because with sight or sensing we can follow Holy Spirit and do that which Father is doing....

However.... fortunately or unfortunately I live there at times and I have morphed myself to a place where I know how to walk within a given situation... sometimes wisdom? Yes... sometimes wisdom... however more than not fear.... more than not my morphed state is in direct correlation to sensing the atmosphere and changing myself to fit into it instead of being willing to walk as I am.... Before I can be rejected I will find myself altering my posture ... again sometimes honor... yes.. sometimes honor... but let me not fool myself... This isn't me not being presumptuous ... this is me being hyper cautious and self protective ..

I know when to step in and when not to.. I watch favor and desire to be submitted to authority... what I have done however is different... I have stepped out of places in the spirit so that I wouldn't have to be different... pretending I didn't see or didn't know so that I could just walk in and be accepted....

Rejections of the past and situations of the past and darkness along with lies believed were being confronted ever so lovingly with power and grace and light.. I have been pegged to life... to liberty.. to freedom.. it wasn't to live in bondage of my own making that Christ set me free..... It was to receive and accept that there are atmospheres and I am not made to bow to them... I was made to walk into them and have the authority of our God to affect them and change them.. and not put the light that is within me under a covering....

Self protection and fear tendencies and despising of life (yes, fear had so wrought it's work within me that anxiety and terror had taken up shop) but my eyes are being made open and my heart is learning afresh new measures of grace and mercy.... pushing hindrances aside I desire to look straight forward... not measuring myself or my stance by the accounting ways of man but by the truths revealed by the wondrous cross....

How often do we grasp at something..... He being made in the image of God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped...

I sit and I pause.... the room is darkened and I sit with laptop on lap and fingers on keys...

Jesus has so changed the course of my life...

He saw me... Saw me and did not see a pile of dry bones.. but He saw the one who would walk again...

I want to share that there are those who in regarding me in the flesh could have spoken and did speak words that were full of truth but not sight.... words full of obvious declarations of lack.

I no longer desire to regard myself or others in the flesh... we are given that mandate.. to not prefer... not to look at wealth or poverty.. not to look at position or lack of it... it is put upon us to love...

As I was regarded in the flesh so did I regard in the flesh.... and in so doing measured myself against standards that the world would applaud... I'm prettier than her but she is prettier than me... I am more successful than him but he is more successful than me... I am legitimate because I have this position.. I am important because of who I know, where I live, what I do, what I wear, what I drive... and the list could go on and on... and on and on and it does...

But redemption song bursts forth and sings that He having been in the very likeness God did not consider equality something to be grasped ... But how often do we grasp at something.. we grasp at a relationship or a promotion... thinking if I just get this than I will be ok.. If I just am friends with so and so then I will feel important...

I love the part in the movie, The Help, where the little girl is told; "You are smart, you are beautiful, you are important." Our Heavenly Father is saying over us... that we are smart... that we are beautiful.. that we are important...
Not because of anything other than that which He already did... He fashioned and formed us and He called us by name... He redeemed and delivered us and called us to new life... He says that we are altogether beautiful and that there is no spot or blemish upon us...

There is nothing to grasp towards.... but Him and in laying a hold of Him we are healed... we are healed as we push through the craziness of what the world would want to dictate and we push through the crowds of voices that would tell us otherwise and we lay a hold of His garment... we are healed... and we are changed...

No seven ways effective people carry on their lives could have set the man with the legion within him to a right mind... no perfected 5 year plan could have brought the walls of Jericho down or feed over 5000 people with fish and loaves... My eyes look to the hills for forth from there my help comes from...

the very things we grasp towards are the very things that will hinder... the very things that we think "if only" will be the soil of disappointment... I love Paul's declaration of not considering all his man given titles and accolades to be of any worth .. I love the story by Max Lucado, "You are Special." Where Eli (the wood carver representing our Lord) says in regards to the wemmick who has no stars and dots (you don't know what a wemmick is.. oh my you must read Lucado's book) "She has decided that what I think of her is more important than what they think of her... the stickers only stick if you let them..."

I see more and more stickers falling off.. off me.. off my children.. off those I love... let the floor of creation be cluttered with the stars and dots of men as we walk as sons and daughters.....

There was a mother's hands to wipe His tears away..........

Hand within hand … I look up at You…. And then lower my gaze… I look at our hands entwined and move my hand awkwardly within your sweet grasp… sitting here and leaning I would never want to budge.. The strength that flows forth from you and steadies me and shelters me… I lean into it and get lost….

There is earth that remembers Your foot print… there are rocks that remember Your touch… there are waves that remember being stilled and there are winds that remember the sound of Your voice…

There were arms that held a newborn babe and there are rags that washed His body… there was a shoulder that held Him up and a mother’s hand to wipe away His tears… and bring Him comfort…

A mother whose existence He had known about prior to the beginning of all that ever was would hold Him helpless to even hold up His own head… A father that would watch Him take His first steps and learn His first words… The Word who had spoken all into being would learn language and utter His first word….

Jesus… all that we know about you and all that we don’t… your years upon the earth that are hidden from our knowing and the years that are written down…. To think that He who formed and fashioned me in my mother’s womb was formed and fashioned…

I sit next to You and lean and get lost in my thoughts.... But in sitting and in leaning I am oh so full of awe of Your wonder and Your beauty and Your strength…. I soak You in and allow that which You are to surround me…

In my Father's house.......

My hand fell upon the banister... I was immediately aware of where it was that I was... and a faint smile crossed my face.... it was quiet and I was alone... I leaned over the railing and looked down to see the great hall.... and the beautiful huge wooden door that led out onto the front lawn....

Immediately... immediately my awareness of this place filled me and saturated all that I am... My Father's house... My Home....

I walked alongside .. fingers lingering and touching the wooden rail.... dazed off with remembrances of how this place.. how this home so affects me....

The quiet of the place was slightly strange as I couldn't remember it ever being so still before... the air hung with beauty and a vibrancy and yet a stillness and peace so tangible...

In my Father's house is many rooms.... smiling as I thought of the words of Jesus spoken so long ago.. looking here and there and yet standing in the great hallway.... All standing still...

In my Father's house.... My... I belong and I can linger and walk the place as one who is entitled to do so.... Father .. He .. Him... beautiful... perfect love.. perfect love and power and authority.... house.. Home... need I say any more... Home...

I slipped my shoes off and walked the cool floors and allowed the beauty of the moment to permeate all that is me.... In my Father's house....

In my Father's house..... I find rest for my soul....

There are moments I am filled with the discovery of aspects of the Kingdom... and there are moments I am put into awe at the wonderment of the Lord... there are moments when I am enraptured by His brilliance.. and kindness and generosity .... And then there are moments where kindness really does do its wooing towards Him...

In my Father's house... I am home.... rest... In my Father's house I stand.. sit... pause.. wonder... breathe... In that place I remember... In my Father's house being ever aware of Him and His love and His presence I am no more and no less than His girl... His own...

In my Father's house... He is there... and I partake of His majesty and His glory.. and experience the wonderful delight of His love....

In my Father's house there is joy.... In my Father's house there is beauty... In His house.. I just love those words ... In my Father's house ... to delight at being at home where He is ... where Father abides that is where you will find me... In my Father's house

Though the fig tree should not blossom... yet I.......

There are moments in life that are just you and God moments ... moments when whether on a walk or lying on a bed that all gets hashed out and fought through..... And tears get shed and hearts get shared... and the basis for all relationship is forged...

There are moments in life where the situations and circumstances are either going to change one's heart or one is going to rise up in those moments and have a heart that changes situations and circumstances...

I've had a bunch of those moments lately... moments where I look down the road each way and see decisions before me and attitudes before me and which one will I grab a hold of.. will my attitude only end up pushing me through death and towards life or will I choose death and not enter life...

Death happens either way... one gets darkened and lost in anger and betrayal or one walks into death to emerge to greater life...

I laid on my oldest son's bed after organizing his room for him a bit... (as an act of love towards him I stepped in and finished his laundry and sorted some things for him) but there I lay... reviewing the day....

Questions pounding upon my mind... what do I want? Here is where honesty hits the road and I look at our life in the ministry and I wonder... I wonder how much westernized ministry is of Jesus .. how much of our life would be over turned if Jesus walked into the temple of our lives.. of our organization... seriously if you can't ask that question then get away from me and if you are offended that I ask it oh well....

Ministry the way I have seen it or most of it I don't want.... I don't want the back biting and the vying for position... I don't want the jealousy and envy and the insanity ... but more than anything I don't want the lack of love.... and this is where my heart aches.... my eyes have seen to much.. my heart has watched to much transpire... I will either get cynical and hard or lay weeping before my Lord because I know that things will change.... I know that things will change because I know Him... and I know the end of the story... but in these times where the love of most will grow cold and the evidence of that surrounds us daily the possibility for growing faint stands at the door...

Cynicism is easy it is the coward's way out.... but to hope.. to hold out hope like in Habakkuk 3:17-18

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
eye I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

To hold out hope and rejoice anyway that is strength.. that is courage... looking into a day where there is no fruit on the vine and the produce and crop has failed that takes courage... It takes courage to step back in and not give up.. courage to having seen ugly to believe there is beauty.. having seen death and disease to believe that there is life and hope and healing.. having seen jealousy and envy destroy to believe that there is a love that lays down one's life for another...

Today I looked down a road.. divided... touched questions of whether or not what my life encompasses is actually the road I want to walk on... touched the reality of walking away and what I came up with is I love Him... and my life is in His hands and all He has truly asked of me is to love Him with all that I have...

So I prayed a few days ago.. these words as tears streamed down my face... I said to Him who hears and knows all ... I said "Father there are 5000 hungry people and I have but a fish and a loaf.. please" Though the fig tree should not blossom.. yet I ..... yet I ...

dropping exterior walls and stepping in....

being known by God grants me a comfort these days in ways that I am not sure I can fully express... God knowing me and the prayers of search me and know me bring me an assurance that He does and He will...

I am afraid at times... afraid I don't know myself well enough... afraid I don't see correctly... afraid that there is too much fear... ok that last statement is some what tongue in cheek... but in these moments it doesn't work to look inwardly.... upwardly is such a better direction...

He knows me... when I don't trust myself or the functioning of my heart or mind I do trust that He knows me and that we walk together and that as my friend He tells me that which He knows I need to hear whether I want to or not... I am not His servant.. not only... I am His friend... and the reality of our friendship and His Lordship merge together .... His authority and love mingling together to speak truth and have that truth reverberate within me and bring forth change...

plain speak ... I can end up wrapping things in words and language and thoughts and colors and pictures and just not drop exterior walls to step into the place that says .. no that screams... God you being sovereign and you knowing me and you having your eye upon me brings great comfort...

So when what I know of Him does not match the reality of the moment.. and when the moments of the day and the reality of the world seem so much stronger what does one do with that... What am I supposed to do with that? Oh don't worry I know the theological answers.. or the crap shoot answers.. or the pathetic don't waste your breathe answers....

When the Lord who fed 5000 with a fish and a loaf sees hunger what happens in His heart and when I give the little I have and it doesn't multiply He sees my gaze turned upwards... When the Lord who set Legion into his right mind sees one struggling with the pain and agony of affliction what does He feel?

When my soul languishes with lack of understanding I desire Him... I desire the depth of the reality that He watches over me... and I lean into that reality as a child snuggles into its mother.. I get as close as I can and press my face into His chest and allow Him to quiet my soul... In those moments no pretense .. no brave face.. no better foot... no 5 year plan.. no 7 steps towards change... just a girl and her Lord... quietly waiting together... trust and strength being built...

At times a most delicate balance... hope seemingly fragile gets strong... bone weariness gets replaced and repentance and rest bring forth salvation.. quietness is born and confidence gained .... He settles me like a weaned child upon its mother's breast... and as I recline and settle into His heart beat it reverberates throughout my being and calls me forward into who He always intended for me to be...

He is the way home... Always... my orientation is made complete

The soil seemed so foreign... the terrain unfamiliar... sitting back and looking out towards the horizon a new day was declaring its arrival ... the people watching it begin could barely take it in... they were like those spoken of in the psalms we were like unto those who dreamed... our mouths were filled with laughter...

Having known slavery... having known lack and having lived with hopes deferred they were beholding the beginning of a new time...

The reality of the Kingdom of God was touching upon created soil once again.. and the joy that declared that reality forth from the Heavens reverberated throughout all time...

Nothing would ever be the same again.. ever.... fallen earth was receiving her King... those who had known great darkness and despair were watching a declaration of new life... light and liberty...

Daily... daily .. moment by moment .. living .. believing... anticipating... the breaking forth of a new dawn.. a moment...

I need Him ... I desire Him..I desire to know the reality of Him... deeper .. fuller... I ask that my eyes would see Him more clearly and my heart would know Him more fully...

A chorus of angels declaration upon the earth... does it still reverberate throughout the air? The reality of the incarnation... the depth of transformation brought forth with the resurrection... I want to hear the song of the angels... I want to behold the birth of a new time ... I want to grasp the gift and power of redemption bought with the cross...

He is Creator.. Father.. Redeemer.. Friend... and I need Him.. I acknowledge the need... how much I don't know.. how much I know that I don't live ... The precious reality that He grants nothing more amazing.. beholding Him and beckoning Him... desiring Him..

I was reminded this weekend to be faithful even while He might tarry... who do I belong to? Whose am I? Am I only His when I understand? Am I only His while comprehension is upon me? Am I only His when it is convenient ? Or despite circumstances and situations ..... Do I live as His? Always ? Always His? Oh how I desire that.. desire to be found faithful...

Even when the terrain doesn't seem different and even when the realities of the day would seem to speak louder than the reality of all time... to which direction do I live.. and which voice gets to be heard with my ears and granted access to my heart....

He is my perfect orientation and when I falter in finding footing He is the way Home.. always .. always the way home...

This posture I embrace..

And His eye is on the sparrow and it watches over me.... The reality of our Father courses through me.... Pulls my attention from being earth bound and draws all that I am to an awareness of a love so powerful and so great that there is no measurable way to define it....

The days and times hold within them situations and scenarios that would try to counter all that is true and all that is strong.... perspective gets challenged.. opposition screams in my ear... and each time.. each time I feel like I have just gotten my feet back underneath me there is another opportunity before me to choose what am I going to believe....

I sit before my computer within these early evening hours and ponder events that have fallen upon my life these last few days and within this season... So much calls for my attention .. so much screams for me to be aware of it and feel the weight of it and focus upon the events and what they would desire to dictate... In exhaustion I falter under the lies and the push.. The demand... but even in those moments .. in those moments whether they find me weeping or worshiping or both.. I am determined that my posture throughout my days and times no matter what they should bring is one of leaning....

Leaning not on my own understanding ... In all my ways acknowledging Him.. Having been drawn into the wilderness and having been spoken tenderly to I desire to emerge leaning upon Him.. leaning upon Him.. His truth.. His reality.. Having touched my weakness .. my need for His strength is prominent upon my days... But this posture I embrace...

I have touched my weakness and in this place I have wept and worshiped.. afraid yet pushing through to the truth that because of His great care of me I need not be afraid... I have touched my need and in this place I have watched the strength of the body displayed as I sat.. sitting in my weakness .. sitting in a place of need I watched as others manifested His love and His strength and His care and His compassion for me....

I am not through this valley... these days hold within them challenges ... challenges that cause me to wonder and to question ... challenges that would either pull me away or push me towards... I am being pushed towards... Decision made...

This posture I embrace... I embrace Him... I embrace trust though I falter.. I embrace love though I fear.. I embrace Him though I lack ... His declarations are that I lack no good thing and that is the truth upon which I stand... In these days and times and seasons and circumstances I lift my head .. my eyes to the mountains because from there flows forth my help.. Maker of Heaven and Earth rising upon the terrain of my life and pulling towards His ways...

His eyes are upon the sparrow and He watches over me.. I heard Him whisper that a few days back and I believe it...I believe that He is watching over me ... His eyes upon me... calling me towards the knowledge of His great loving kindness .. calling me forward upon the journey to become like Him...

He watches over me.. He sees me.. He knows me.. He knows my every thought... My every deed and that does not put fear into my heart it shouts comfort.... because my weakness isn't surprising to Him.. He knows we are but dust.. but we are so much more than that which the dirt would say.

I take this posture... I turn towards Him and I look towards Him and I decide to lean.. to listen to His heartbeat .. to place all my weight upon Him for Him to carry... I walk that close... I take that posture.. the lean... the embrace.. the strength that comes from acknowledging weakness...

His eyes are on the sparrow... and He watches over me....

There are times when the truest of confessions must be spoken.. These are some of those times

What does one do when an angel almost larger than the room stands and fills the room with the glistening presence of where he has just come from....What happens when they step into the room and begin to change the atmosphere... calling one's attention away from temporal things and pulling that very attention towards thoughts that are higher than...

My heart hungers and I yearn for a place I am not called to walk fully within just yet..... When upon the scene of a room some aspect of His presence or our Kingdom is manifested strength is granted but yearning for other times comes full upon me and while receiving one and drinking it all in I also yearn with a yearning that ripples through me and causes me to hunger .... He creates and makes all things new... and I yearn to walk within those times of re-creation.. when all is made new.. when that which He is fills the earth...

I have been upon a roller coaster lately... and through love and friendship and worship and the presence of our God I have been made steady... there are seasons that I have walked through that make me say often that I can not even think upon these times for they are too lofty for me... some of these roads are too hard to walk upon and the courage to journey upon them escapes me....

The graciousness and faithfulness of our God has stunned me in moments where at the lowest points when even despairing of life He pours out and gently beckons me forth through the valley of the shadow of this death walk.... there are moments that are so lonely... so frightening... where emotions rage and exhaustion hits... and lack would raise its head and scream be afraid...

I don't come to writing out of having these journeys behind me... not all of them.... I come to Blessings.. I come to that which I put my hand to these days from a place of learning ... from a place of what it means to depend upon ... From a place that understands if He isn't all that He says He is than there is just no going forward and so when in moments He shows Himself so vastly faithful to that which He says and to that which He is... I am taught to breath.. I am positioned to be strong in my weakness.... He rushes in and under girds my very being and grants me the courage and the strength to step one more time into that which He is asking...

I don't come to these places where you find me often because all I know has been overcome... I come to these places and am found the publican ... bowing head.. shedding tears... heart hungry.. soul desperate...

From this place I see and acknowledge that in my weakness He is strong and that there is nothing in any ministry that I want to walk in to ever flow from a personal place of might or strength.. that my life must be one that isn't based upon what I can do... I can do so little... but through Him.. through His spirit.. through what He can do I have seen streets and families and lives and cities transformed...

His heart's hunger is worth touching even though through touching one is left forever changed...

I have backed away from who it was that I truly am... mainly because of fear... afraid that as I spoke what I knew to be upon His heart as encouragement I would be looked at as having ulterior motives or a brown noser... that when I would look and see that which He wants to touch in others the pain of seeing would destroy me....

I closed my heart and my eyes from seeing because if one looks .. if I look then I know and then I can't remain unknowning or uncaring.. if I look I knew I would see and in seeing than I am responsible to touch those places in His heart where He yearns... and those places are hard to touch... His hunger is hard to touch.. His desire is vast and breath taking and there are times I didn't want to "know better" or see or know or be concerned to a place of caring so deeply that I was changed by that same passion filling my heart for others.. I wanted to still be able to turn away and I wanted to hold onto some portion of a life.. of my life...... But stepping into places where acknowledgement that the cross demands death... but in its demand for death its declaration is that life comes ... death precedes life... weakness strength.. poverty riches...

The knowledge that fills His eyes and the love that fills His heart that if we who are called by His name would just turn from our ways and humble ourselves.. acknowledge need and repent then He would hear from Heaven and He would heal our land.. Heal us.. how often does He long to gather us like chicks... His cry over Jerusalem still goes out and it goes out over us and I was afraid that if I stepped into a place where I would no longer protect my heart or shut my eyes I would be destroyed by what I saw and what I felt...

I can no longer live standing knowing what He is asking and not stepping in... His passions are worth touching.. Need is worth being spoken of and exposed... I can't walk these paths.. I could never muster enough courage... Too many issues arise within my heart that would cause me to faint.... I must learn how to lean and not despair... I must learn to be pressed and realize I am not being crushed....

I am weak.. and there are times.. oh so many times where I don't fall into His strength and I allow lack and fear to take the place of courage that is being held out to me....

These roads these days are complicated... but simply I can fully open my eyes and lean into Him and be led of Him ... trusting Him in these places birth quietness and confidence in which I find my salvation.. they birth rest and repentance from which strength is brought forth ... ..

And the words to Who Would Not Love You ring in my head and close out this blog post

A God of love
Is what you are to me
A greater friend
No one could ever be
In holiness born of
Your spirit’s touch
Through never ending love
You give so much


Who would not love you
Who would not cherish you
Who would not serve you all their days
Who would no praise you
Who would not honour you
Who would not die for you
Who would not love you

A Father’s love
Is what you give to me
A guiding hand
A light so I could see
In knowing you
I’ve found my heart’s desire
In loving you
I’ve touched your holy fire

oh how small my realizations of You... how vast Your knowledge of me... listening to the heart beat of the ages

Awoken as if out of a dream and into a reality that is more astonishing than any dream world could ever present itself to be.... That which He touches.. that which He breaths life upon is illuminated with power and life and joy and hope and peace and strength... Presenting and holding out a love so pure .. so beautiful... so immense... so life changing... breathing His breath upon whatever dry bones are upon the scene and bringing forth resurrected life... His perspective.. His joy.. His delight...

We are that... we are His joy.. we are His delight.. We are the living and breathing expression of His heart beat... a concept that causes me to pause and stand stunned... Not under the weight of such a burden but shouldering it with awe and reverence and desire... That the flow of my life would represent His redemptive love and that the image that bears forth from my life would be His stamp...

Growing into Him is a journey that will propel me into eternity ... becoming more like Him and resting in His love and His strength and His beauty transforms me over and over and over and over and over and over again... no where else upon creation will one ever find satisfaction like that which flows forth from His heart beat.. His beautiful voice bursting forth like a river.. a sweet flow.. a rushing power.. a calm melody.. ripples continuing on and on and on .. the reality of the sound courses through me and divides me and cleanses me.. divides away from me the silt and the residue of the world leaving in its wake glistening waters within full of Him and full of life...

His delight so evident in moments that the spectacle He makes over us is almost embarrassingly delightful... What we think of celebration over another or an event pales beyond comparison at that which He does.... We have a God who so delights in us that it causes wonderment and joy dances fill the atmosphere as in the days of old and in the days of declaration...

When touched it transforms.. when heard it is as thunder rippling through ones person... when held into ones heart it bursts forth life in manifold ways that go beyond description .... Oh how small our thoughts.. how small my thoughts.. how small my realizations of You... How vast Your realizations of me... romance of the ages... You pour forth all that is You to redeem and bring forth restoration.... Into You I journey and may I get lost in a life time of doing so.. deeper and deeper into you .. further and further in

The Blessing Book ... Revisiting the Blessings

Abundance

May the storehouses of Heaven be open to you and your family. May you understand that Creator God never lacks for anything; He builds in abundance. May you abound in every good work. God gives to all liberally and without reproach—may your heart be open to receive the revelation of that truth. May you walk in confidence that the Lord will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.
—2 Corinthians 9:8



Those days were amazing…. Before us stood this vast territory of places we could venture out upon… we were learning language.. we were speaking forth life and watching lives transform…

These days are amazing … Before us stands a vast territory of places we can venture out upon.. we are learning language again.. deeper.. being pulled in further to the reality of words and their power… we are being pulled into truth and the reality that words of life and truth resonate within the atmosphere with power and with a force behind them that stands with the authority that we bare as the sons and daughters of the Lord Most High….

The gift of pulling forth truths and concepts of life and light and liberty and expounding upon them so that we can all have the reality of our kingdom flowing through the depths of our being.. so that we can stand strong and confident in the truth of that which exists and pulsates forth throughout the atmosphere.. Throughout the spirit..

So when we approach these concepts of blessings… such as abundance.. we think not as the world things.. we don’t perceive abundance or equate abundance just with provision… we take it further… we take the word, abundance, and we pause and we think of Father… we think of our Kingdom.. we acknowledge that in Him there is no lack and that in Him we are thoroughly prepared for every good work that He has before us….

Abundance stands strong in reality… but as I pondered abundance and began to revisit it and want to write further into the blessing of what the essence of abundance is and how to convey that… I got stuck… I got stuck because how does one look at the reality of the physical real world and still attach to the fact that abundance is the higher reality… How does one look at the pictures of poverty and sickness and death and then turn and cling to abundance and not feel like one is just naming it and claiming it or thinking of only on a wing and a prayer….

So I turned my heart to Father… and I closed off what I began to perceive more as the tauntings of a bully trying to push me away by saying prove it.. prove that there is abundance in the spirit.. prove that abundance is real.. prove that there is no lack.. prove it …

Well .. I can’t.. there is lack in the world… but we are learning about dominion… not in naming it and claiming it but in the power of our God to create and recreate and bring forth upon this fallen soil redemption…. In Him there is an abundance of life… and there is no lack of life…

We can walk that road… we can learn what it means to become bold again.. not brazen or presumptuous but we can lay ahold of what we know of our Lord and know that in Him there is nothing that we lack…. We can learn again the lessons of the boy with the fish and loaves.. we can encourage ourselves to be the disciples and let the nets down one more time… we can be like Peter and John who in one breath say I do not have silver nor do I have gold (apparent lack of abundance) but in the next breath speak forth creative life and transformation (NO LACK.. Abundance)

We cannot look and see as the world would see… we cannot look at 5000 plus people and only see a few fish and loaves of bread… we must look into the eyes of the ones who collected the baskets full of leftovers after all had had their full.

Oh this is such an exciting journey.. because in Him there is an abundance of hope.. and an abundance of expectancy… that upon any moment He steps in and declares a different reality than that which the seen world would say is there….

With that in mind .. with that pulsating in my heart … I come to revisit the blessing of abundance……

May you be strengthened and made bold within the depths of your being .. may your eyes be opened to see that the physical world doesn't get to dictate lack.. doesn't get to dictate what is being provided for and what isn't... may you be strengthen to the deepest parts of your being and may you soar into the understanding that though silver and gold may you not have what you do have is an abundance of authority to look beyond that which the eyes see and look to the thousands of hills that are so abundantly populated by the cattle that are the Father's... That there is no lack... may you enter into the truest place of dominion where affections are rightly placed and desires match that which the Creator desires for you....

May you not be tempted into the lust of the flesh nor the lust of the eyes and may the pride of life be far from you .. May you step into the fact that there is not even the capacity to measure the love of God because it is so vastly abundant that neither height nor depth nor width nor length could be measured.. so vast is His affections for you...

May the abundance of the storehouses of Heaven be yours... may peace and joy and delight and hope soar into your being with such abundance that your spirit's strength explodes ....

May the abundance of the Body of Christ and all its resources so twirl together that we enter into a place where there is no need among us not just because of Father's creative capacity to make it so but because the sons and daughters .. the brothers and sisters gather around each other and desire abundance for all and give of themselves and their resources so that abundance can be known by all...

May an abundance of godly dominion grow upon us as we take up our authority to bless and call forth life and liberty....

May you be full.. full of Father's truth .. Father's affections.. Dearest one... beloved may you know the abundance of creative love that empowers us to see as he sees.. to know as He knows and to walk as He walked.....

posting of story continues.. knowing darkness but being introduced to light

There are places that we can walk on because we see a path that has been laid before us.. those paths we can walk at a different pace... The paths that require more of a Lewis and Clark element demand of us to pay more attention to where we would place our feet...

I desire to create as many paths to places of life that I possibly can... one way I find that does that is from sharing from life... from sharing that darkness does not get to have its way.. light shines in the darkness and darkness is no match....

Life has driven me towards Him and I have allowed myself to be caught up in His embrace and there is no other place that I desire to walk.... there is no other place I desire to discover more than I desire to discover places that He speaks and walks... In Him is a life that is so beautiful and so full of abundance that to step outside of that life just slaps as ignorance... But flesh steps in and pushes forth and reminders must be brought forth and desire must arise....

To touch Him... to sit and breath in the reality of Him... to know that He is all and in all that reality is all that I desire to walk within... it isn't that I sit like a monk in meditation all day.. but I live all day meditating and loving and embracing the reality that it is through Him that I desire to live all my moments ... to step away from that to me steps outside of my most real self....

I lingered in dark places for so long.. and into dark places was I brought... touching dark things and places of death... so much that in order to survive I separated and hid precious portions of my being so that I could be empowered to endure days that were barely endurable....

In the darkest of those places I would lose myself...

What I am about to share I have never even written about but tonight it feels so right to step in here and so here again do I go......

I love the scriptures where Father speaks of calling back His people from places of captivity.. those places are very real to me.... I feel like Father has called me back from those places... has called all of me back from places where I had left portions of my soul....

I remember watching the first Lord of The Rings movie and being startled by the depiction of evil and the delight that evil has in its own desires.... that there is not the thought of forgiveness or beauty or life.. that darkness lives in darkness and destruction and desires to bring that about... death, destruction, lies, pain and in so doing knows nor cares to know remorse...

I can't even pull up most of those years... they live around me more as shadows now.. more as a place that seems so far removed .. a land walked upon but distant now...

But in the times and seasons that would take for distance to be created I had so much to learn and so much ground to make up... so many things I would need to learn.. remorse... right ... wrong... living... life... love

Concepts that many take for granted were foreign and beyond touching to me... having lived so long protecting my heart and shutting down and closing off my heart and my mind opening up those places would mean touching places that I would rather keep far far off....

Touching those places seemed as if the death that were originally in those moments would only scream to the surface again and the desolate places .. well, how can those be walked through...

What I didn't know was that there was One who had allured me to those desolate wild places.. those waste places.. those wildernesses.... and He had done so that in tenderness could He speak.. into those places we would journey together and He would touch them all first and He would call me back ... back to His side.. back towards Him.. walking with Him through all those places so that I could touch them.. cry over them.. lean into Him and discover that darkness really does have to recede ... always recede when Light steps in

Torturous places become places of the most fertile soil.. and places that were stripped and laid bare are the very places where the most beautiful flowers get to grow... I knew not personhood.. I knew not the understanding of humanity and life... I lived within lies and created places so to endure reality....

But beyond enduring that reality He moved me away from them and has brought me to places where I thrive.. I thrive.. I don't just live.. I don't just get by... I have tasted death.. and a darkness full of evil but I know abundance of life in ways that words fail to communicate... and I commune with life in a way that births forth appreciation in all that I do....

Darkness tried to have its day however the more it tried the more it created a void that would and could only truly be made full through a daughter's encounters with Creator... Father.. and into that void He would step and abide and heal and strengthen.. In my most desolate places are the places where He shines forth...

Today I kept hearing the words from the song.. "Someone to Watch Over Me." And beyond anything I know I know He does.. I know that His eyes are always upon me and upon my life and that there is no separation.. that as I move through the times and seasons of my life we only walk more fully together..

I cried out to the Lord and He heard me and He saved me from the pit...

I sought the LORD, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.

Psalm 34....


He sought me more than I sought Him and He rescued me and by His side .. glued to His side is where I venture forth from... mindful of Him who entered into the darkness so that those living in the land of darkness could experience the Light that is the life of men....

Finding Real

seeing so much unfamiliar the familiar ground of fear screams and desires for protection and security the push to reach into the flesh and soul instead of up....

Then I sit and allow the warmth of the sun to settle that which would be shaken.. and I grab a hold of Paul when he spoke; "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves, we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; "

Afflicted but not crushed... perplexed (oh boy that one is right on) but not despairing... Persecuted but not forsaken .. struck down but not destroyed... It may feel like the second action is that which is happening.. crushed.. despair.. forsaken.. destroyed... but those are death.. I have thought about this passage often these days and afflicted is different from crushed.. perplexed is different from despairing.. persecuted but not forsaken.. never forsaken.. never destroyed...

We have hope.. we have hope .. no matter what circumstances or situations we find ourselves we are never the second word because of Christ... The thing that lands upon my heart is we aren't crushed because He was.. He was crushed for our iniquities... he was crushed so while we touch afflicted we never touch crushed because in Him we are sheltered from that...

These days .. this season where the knee jerk reaction might be to zip up that winter jacket because the winds are blowing so hard that I want to pull everything into me I am choosing to allow the heat of the sun's rays to pull that jacket off.. the old story of the sun and the wind and who could have the man take off his jacket.. the wind blew and blew and blew but the man just clutched at his jacket and held it in tight.. while the sun shone brightly and allowed the heat to bear down upon the man and the jacket came off...

These things that Father wants off of me I do not want to cling to... these things that I would clutch at that would scream make yourself safe I do not desire to walk in.... I will allow the heat to bear down and have its affect... I will be transformed by allowing all that I would touch or desire that is not of Him to be melted away....

There is nothing upon this face of the earth that is worth clinging to if He desires it.. who we will be made into by the release is worth more than anything that He could ask for... He being manifested into the realm of humanity.. within us He being formed... by taking our hands off of whatever they are upon and placing them on Him... By leaning and trusting and looking into that gaze and getting lost there... in that place.. that is life... walking it out here is what is asked of us but only as we display Him...

Finding real... finding real within our days.. not hyper spirituality but the truest reality that we can walk.. the passion for creation touching the abundant delight within the spirit.... within that place I breath.. within that place all makes sense... He loves His creation.. He loves the realm of creation... He called it good.... He called us very good.. He delights in the work of His hands...

I am not removing myself from the earth or this world I am stepping more fully into it when I embrace Him and His reality and step into this place and not allow this place to dictate the ways of things... we have been given truest authority.. we get to dictate.. take dominion over... the rules truly are different...

Finding real means that in suffering and in loss we find life.. in losing we find victory... in release we obtain....

My heart faltering along the way can abide in Him and while weak can absorb a strength that sustains and flows with a life force that knows no obstacle... Finding real does mean finding Him.. Embracing real means embracing that which He says and pulling that truth into the depth of who I am... I falter and my heart fails but He will never be moved...

What happens when years become months and those months become weeks and then days and then hours... what happens then?

I truly don't know what it is that the Lord desires for me to learn by walking through this but these are the words that are running through my head and I know what they are linked to but I don't understand the lesson...

So here I go .. journeying into these words....

I keep thinking of the night when I sat at a kitchen table.. and wrote in a journal about how excited I was to meet our oldest son.. I would be induced the following morning and our lives were about to change forever..... I would touch fingers I had never held before and I would look into eyes that had never seen before and I would behold the child that would bring my husband and I into parenthood...

His sweet little fingers wrapping around my littlest one and his grasp so strong and yet so tender.... lately I think about an evening to come... a night when I will sit at a table and look at the door and it won't be my bag packed and ready to go to the hospital it will be his bags packed ready to leave for college....

Dreaming of the future used to have whimsical aspects to it.. there weren't the conversations that included the names of real colleges and real places.. there wasn't the dialogue about majors and what he was wanting to pursue... There were the childhood dreams of all the childhood things that children dream about that they will become... These are now the dreams of a man... dreams with a twist of reality but still dreams....

The years have floated away and left with me months... months will pass by and leave me with weeks and weeks will dwindle down to days towards one evening and one morning and one hour and the minutes where I watch our oldest son enter into the next phase of his life....

The hand that once grasped my littlest finger will reach out towards his next hour... day.. and days to come...

hhhmmm.. Lord still don't know where you are going with all this...

I process these things in light of time.. in light of how much my life has changed from being a mom to all six of the children we have... there lives have been like water forming and fashioning geography... they have changed me and I will never be the same....

I know the times and the seasons.... as my fingers go from key to key I hear the sweet voice of my God... "I know the times and the seasons.." Before the foundations of the earth were laid He knew my times and my seasons... He knew my days before I even took my first breath...

This I can lean into ... this is solid... and this becomes the moment... my children make me vulnerable.. vulnerable to emotions I wouldn't have had unless they existed... their dreams and their desires and my desires for them to pursue life and God and their future all come together.... my heart beat for them... my desire... they affect me...

AH the scripture Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes,

I get this... my children capture my heart... their times .. their seasons.. our times and our seasons .. together.. who we are ... they reside in my heart and grab a hold of my affections in ways nothing else truly can....

This .. this journey to look at time.. to lay open my heart to the times and seasons of life... brings to bare the reality that what I feel is not even a drop in the bucket compared to how He pursues me... compared to how He loves me... My heart and my desire for the success of my children is nothing compared to the fact that He does know the plans He has for me.. plans to prosper and not to harm..

These things are solid.. I stay up late sitting side by side with my son working on college prep aspects to life... in regards to academics.. in regards to athletics.. we sit and talk and work together to bring forth His dreams...

For I know the plans I have for you..plans to prosper you and not to harm you.. if we who are evil want good things how much more does He for us... and all these verses and all these truths running through my head and my heart and I begin to soar...

Months of waiting do become days and days do become hours and then suddenly we are walking into the plans and purposes that He always knew would come forth... and not to be cliche but in then walking out moments that get us to those places and coming to a place we can abide in the truth that the journey was what it was truly about.. the process of becoming more like Him..

Tonight.. tonight I just recline.. I cease striving and I rest and recline.. in repentance and rest is my salvation and in quietness and trust is my strength... I say yes.. yes to Him.. yes to the fact that He knows all things and that in Him I can live and move and have my being..

These times and these seasons are handed over to Him and I desire to follow them out... He sits with me and helps me journey through unknown roads... His promise that as in the natural so in the spirit...

There isn't a sparrow that falls forth from a nest that He isn't aware of...

I love when Jesus speaks to the returning missionaries that their emphasis should not be on the demons that submitted to them in His most precious name but the emphasis should lie upon the fact that their names are written in a book of life...

That book actually exists.... and the reality of having one's name within it's pages should take our breath away....

Tangible reality.. what is it? Seriously what is it.... I was living in New England and I was sitting in my loft when a cube of golden liquid (well it was a solid cube but in its solid form that it kept there was a liquid nature to it... I don't at all state that I am a scientist just one who observed this beautiful object) When I asked about it I was told that it was the substance of faith .. and it can be released..... but it was solid.. it was tangible.. it was beautiful

Unseen... seen... I seem to be in this place these last few days... pondering there.. here...

I want to know what that which surrounds me looks like...I'm not talking angels and other spiritual beings behind bushes.. or being around... I am pondering the reality of the Kingdom that fills our lives... the sense of it that permeates all that we are..... I sense it... I am aware of the presence of the realities of it.... the needs of people in a store.. the weights that they carry... what they look like upon them.. the effect that they bare down upon their soul... I look into their eyes and as I look I pray... "Father release ... release the essence of that which You are into their lives..." Lift off those burdens.. make in roads to their soul....

I don't focus on the fact that there are angels and other spiritual creatures around... I look for Him... always for Him... Jesus said of Himself that He only did that which Father was doing.... and I want to be like that... so aware of Him that as I go.. as I breath .. as I live... I see and I know and I touch and I hear and I smell and I taste that which in the moment He is doing...

There isn't a moment that He is not there... and that reality does not cause me to fear... I know that in my weakness He is there... In my sin He is there.. In my joy and my delight and my laughter He is there.... I rejoice with the truth that He is in all ... that there isn't a moment of life that He isn't fully aware of .... The substance of Him fills the earth.. fills the atmosphere.... it is what keeps me grounded...

These aren't special towards one person .. this is the reality of Him found in His word.... found in experience... found in truth... a loving passionate all powerful God who is in love with His creation... there isn't a sparrow that falls forth from a nest that He isn't aware of .. there isn't a flower .. a blade of grass that doesn't draw His attention....

The beauty and the wonder and the majesty of it all... this is our God... this is who we love and who we are loved by... His ways keep me safe... I fall into Him... I want to run to the edge and like Lewis and Clark enter into a place of discovery... not shrinking back but stepping in wisdom ... I want to dive into Him and all that He is.. and all that He has called me to be as I walk these days and these times

Remembrances stir my soul.... draw me forth... draw me away... You are utterly breath taking... My delight is found in You

I love coming into this place… eyes are wide open … entering into and breathing the air… the atmosphere saturated with Him … with Life….

Eyes wide open…… leaving my eyes wide open… prayer… . how beautiful the human who offers up words to Father… eyes not just open.. but wide open… looking… beyond… seeing…. This … this is the air I breath…

Astonishment in the movie Elf when Buddy is told that not all believe… astonishment because his experience .. daily experience is with that which those upon earth don’t believe…

I simply can’t remove myself from the reality that He is in all … I look into the air and I see Him.. I look into faces and I see Him… I breath in the air and I see Him.. I feel Him… I acknowledge Him.. I close my eyes and it is He … It is the reality of Home that I reach out to smell.. and taste.. and touch…. Is it that which comes forth from my life.. the perfume… the essence… Him.. again always Him…

People talk about the comforts of home.. the familiar …. Mom’s cooking… my familiar home is found within the confines of His embrace… within the unseen .. within the seen… within it all… He .. my home…. Comfort… from Him…. Longing.. embrace… Kingdom… the air … swirling… this place becomes less and less.. not bad.. no… not at all bad.. but within this place I look for Him… long for Him… in this place.. in the places of the physical real… I reach out to touch Him.. in the laughter in a child… in the face of a stranger… how do they need Him.. what about Him can I leave with them just as I pass by…. Step near step… within my space He rests… and may that rest flow forth from me as a lyrical colorful melody of life .. essence of Him pouring out from beyond me…

Swirl.. dance.. joy.. Him… He .. I … me….

Joy flows … it enters with leaps and bounds as the reality of Him and the soil of home flow … as it is there… shall it be here… an exchange… I breath out the air of this place.. of soul… of flesh.. and I look towards Him.. the pleasure .. the delight.. the reality of life within Him.. whether it be there or here… earth or beyond…. Heaven being His throne and Earth His foot stool…

Joy.. delight… reminders… there are reminders upon this place that draw us all towards joy… the sweet fragrance poured out upon the soil of the earth…
Oh my King .. how gracious You are … how the melodies you release upon my flesh stir my soul towards you…. Away from other and towards you….. fragrance.. melody… taste… gentle touches… sightings… daily remembrances that You .. You are so other… so perfect… so thoroughly beautiful…

my prayer is just that I don't allow myself to be the camel again... sand doesn't really taste very good..

These days.... this season.. the lack of writing until the very last few days... Coming back to my zone on the word of a friend saying "maybe you should write.." On the night that she spoke that I ignored it... It hurt to much to think about my sanctuary.... I wasn't where I normally am when I come to writing and so to even think about touching it was too much.... I didn't write that night....

But don't you know when something is on the heart of our Father He is relentless... (Side note... I love LOVE that about Him!! Let me say that again... oh because I can... I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM... His relentless nature... His relentless pursuit... His relentless passion for you... for me... WE .. yes we are the driving force of His heart... His heart of love... Love is the driving force behind our God... )Side note done or as my amazing pastor will say rant over ...

This morning started with me thinking.. always a good thing... but I was realizing I was falling under the weight of others thoughts and opinions and allowing them to change me... allowing them to influence me enough that I was forming a shell around myself... This morning something arose in me... something that said... nope.. unkindness doesn't have to be received nor do judgments... In a moment of thought I felt myself stand up again... in a moment of thought I felt this roar burst forth and all of a sudden I was me... I was thinking like me and feeling like me and as in one of my husband's favorite movies (Hook) I was looking and discovering... OH there I am....

Courage flowing with it .. my oldest daughter hopped into the car and her favorite song these days is "Days of Elijah," so on it went but she doesn't know the lyrics so over and over again we just played the first verse.. it took me a while to say hey I have a smart phone.. I can just look up the lyrics for her... but going over and over the lyrics and teaching them to her had continued to ignite something in me and she and I had our moment.. smart phone .. no smart phone... we were together....

Parking in my driveway is where this message formed..... I thought about how I have a voice... This past season I have forgotten that... I had allowed others voices to be louder than my own as I doubted my voice.. as I doubted my thoughts.. as I doubted.. I quickly became that person James talks about ... I was tossed....

Sitting in the driveway it was as if my voice roared back in .... it was as if my heart had stopped but was being empowered back to life again... my eyes opened... and I looked behind me (not actually) and I saw waste places... my husband has really been sitting on those passages in Isaiah.. and I had offered up the waste places to God and He was giving me back my life.... I had questioned everything... and forgotten the essence of who and what I am....

Everyone has an opinion... EVERYONE.. and I was allowing those thoughts and opinions to stick... This morning having been turned back on and recognizing myself I recognize fear comes with a masking tape and places it over our ears.. our eyes.. our mouths...

I have a very blessed life... I don't know what I am doing... there it is .. I have no 5 year plan... but I have a beautiful life full of amazing things... times of victory and times of defeat.. times of complete joy and times of sorrow.. times of wisdom and times of complete ignorance.. but you know what It is all my tapestry... embracing them all I allow myself to know that both will come and each will be ok... and I will walk it out... my prayer is just that I don't allow myself to be the camel again... sand doesn't really taste very good..

Something New...... He is relentless when it comes to something that is very important to Him

Emerging from moments that don't have words to express them I feel like a challenge laid at my feet. I am one who doesn't care much about periods or commas... prone to end all my sentences with not just one period but at the very least three or four of them I feel pushed to actually form sentences tonight. I feel pushed away from comfort. I feel pushed away from places of safety and ease into a place of deliberate decision making with my writing.

"Places of deliberate decision making," is an interesting statement. I step into this place of choosing words more carefully. I step into this place of looking at what I am writing. Normally I close my eyes and placing fingers to keys I allow myself to get lost within the world of discovering language,spirit and Him.

In these first few moments of attempting this I see how Father knew exactly what He was pressing when upon my soul He placed this task. In my comfort zone of closed eyes and fingers on keys it matters not to me what others think regarding my sentence structure. I care only that the words are flowing from an authentic place of relationship with Creator. I care only that the words are reflecting me as a person, desiring deep authenticity with man and with God.

This exercise is pushing all my buttons. This exercise is full of what I am walking out in life right now or at the very least what I feel I am walking out right now. I haltingly enter into this time and tears flow along with emotion because an anger erupts that I wasn't even aware of existing.

"No!" I want to scream! This place of writing IS our place. It is the place where Father, Son and Spirit and I dance. I want to scream as tears streak down my face. "Don't touch this place. My place. Our Place."

Then as if a cue card is held up I realize He took me down a path of exposure. I see that He has been saying "No." He has been saying no quietly all along. However I had allowed other voices to become louder.

Restrictions of tonight's writing lifting I see the freedom that He grants and the confinement I had placed myself in... not in writing but in everything else... So He took the one place where I still was allowing myself freedom to close my eyes and leap and jump and dance.... And in taking it away I was exposed... In Him touching the place that is most precious to me.. Our time.. Our place .. My safe place... writing without restraint... words... periods... just me.. just Him.. As He touched that place tonight what was unleashed was the most amazing gift... He was showing me where I was living.... and that He was saying NO!

I have lost myself lately... my courage.. my footing... and in the place of loss I erected standards that I thought would be safe to stand behind.... What He asked me to do with language tonight I was doing in every other facet of my life.... I was being so precise .. not out of life giving desire but out of fear... I was calculating risk and relationship instead of diving in and being myself.. I was closing myself off and retreating into some perceived safe place .. only emerging fully here as I would write or under His hand during a meeting... but in the moments of my day as I walked in and out of times here and there I was losing myself to a closed off version of me that wasn't me at all....

In not sleeping well these last few nights I have tossed and turned as I have attempted to find an avenue back.. an avenue back ... a remembrance ... yet I felt so lost... Not even wanting to touch the who of who I am because the situations and circumstances I find myself in required in my estimation more.. more than that which I am and so failure seemed inevitable... The weight of judgements of personal lack that have swirled in the days and weeks that have passed have been debilitating ..

The very thing I feared tonight when He transitioned my thoughts about my writing.. when I thought He was going to remove from me the fluidity of just stepping into this place of figuring it out as I go.. as my fingers leap.. as my eyes are closed... In thinking that sentences would have to be perfectly formed and grammar actually paid attention to that which I was going to be writing took me away from me... and my eyes were open and my fingers moved much slower... every thought .. every word was met with the question, "Is this right? Is this correct? Am I writing that sentence the right way?" And death pushed in on my heart... But then the realization that it wasn't my writing He was after... It was me... It was me all along....

The Blessing Book ... Finally approaching time

I remember working with her... beautiful ... amazing... challenging .... As an editor she was brilliant... as a human being she was astonishing... her smile could light up the room and her laugh could fill it... Oh as I close my eyes I can see it and as I open my ears it is as if I could still hear that magical lit to her voice..

I remember I had pulled into the driveway of a friend who was on an extended stay with her husband from overseas .. they had come to spend a few months with the ministry there... I was picking her up and then we were going to join a couple of other friends back at my house....

The phone rang... the news landed like a ton of bricks.. She was gone... I sat in my car stunned.. shock running through my body.. the days that would come would tell the stories... I remember standing in her apartment alongside others and just looking around .. .time seemed frozen and the loss ran deep.....

So many of us would recall that last Sunday we had spent with her... at church that morning it was as if she glowed.... she was radiant... that would be the last time that I would see her alive....

She would be challenging me to move away from my comfort zone of Stream of Consciousness and actually form real sentences... she would be making me better... she always did.... She would be exacting with dead lines but empowering to meet them... even as I write this tonight my heart deeply aches and I miss her....

In the season prior to her death and under her direction a dear friend and co - writer, Mary Ballotte, and I would take up the task of writing The Blessing Book. A book that would take qualities and attributes of emotion or living in the Kingdom of God and form words and prayers around them. For example for the word Abundance we would end up writing:

May the storehouses of Heaven be open to you and your family. May you
understand that Creator God never lacks for anything; He builds in abundance.
May you abound in every good work. God gives to all liberally and without
reproach—may your heart be open to receive the revelation of that truth. May
you walk in confidence that the Lord will supply all your needs according to His
riches in glory.

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you,
always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance
for every good work.

—2 Corinthians 9:8

Time after time I would think we were done and she would come back and tell us to come up with more.... We were doing numerous street outreaches to the new age community.... learning how to speak their language... learning how to make the truths of God come alive in a way that they could hear and receive them... learning how to love them and walk with them and be a life example ...

The manuscript would be laid down and seasons would come and seasons would go... Recently we have picked up that manuscript again... In the times that have passed we have learned much about the power of blessings and of the spoken word and desire to release that which we wrote.

The book will be available soon on Stir The Water as an E-Book and alongside it there will be a forum that will incorporate the lessons of the years that we have picked up... Taking the elements of blessing that are already presented and adding to them the experiences of time passed.

We present these blessings in the most sincere hope that you would take them and make them your own... that these would be but a launching pad for you to learn how to use language and truth to speak life into yourself, your family, friends and those that surround you in greater community.