There are places that we can walk on because we see a path that has been laid before us.. those paths we can walk at a different pace... The paths that require more of a Lewis and Clark element demand of us to pay more attention to where we would place our feet...
I desire to create as many paths to places of life that I possibly can... one way I find that does that is from sharing from life... from sharing that darkness does not get to have its way.. light shines in the darkness and darkness is no match....
Life has driven me towards Him and I have allowed myself to be caught up in His embrace and there is no other place that I desire to walk.... there is no other place I desire to discover more than I desire to discover places that He speaks and walks... In Him is a life that is so beautiful and so full of abundance that to step outside of that life just slaps as ignorance... But flesh steps in and pushes forth and reminders must be brought forth and desire must arise....
To touch Him... to sit and breath in the reality of Him... to know that He is all and in all that reality is all that I desire to walk within... it isn't that I sit like a monk in meditation all day.. but I live all day meditating and loving and embracing the reality that it is through Him that I desire to live all my moments ... to step away from that to me steps outside of my most real self....
I lingered in dark places for so long.. and into dark places was I brought... touching dark things and places of death... so much that in order to survive I separated and hid precious portions of my being so that I could be empowered to endure days that were barely endurable....
In the darkest of those places I would lose myself...
What I am about to share I have never even written about but tonight it feels so right to step in here and so here again do I go......
I love the scriptures where Father speaks of calling back His people from places of captivity.. those places are very real to me.... I feel like Father has called me back from those places... has called all of me back from places where I had left portions of my soul....
I remember watching the first Lord of The Rings movie and being startled by the depiction of evil and the delight that evil has in its own desires.... that there is not the thought of forgiveness or beauty or life.. that darkness lives in darkness and destruction and desires to bring that about... death, destruction, lies, pain and in so doing knows nor cares to know remorse...
I can't even pull up most of those years... they live around me more as shadows now.. more as a place that seems so far removed .. a land walked upon but distant now...
But in the times and seasons that would take for distance to be created I had so much to learn and so much ground to make up... so many things I would need to learn.. remorse... right ... wrong... living... life... love
Concepts that many take for granted were foreign and beyond touching to me... having lived so long protecting my heart and shutting down and closing off my heart and my mind opening up those places would mean touching places that I would rather keep far far off....
Touching those places seemed as if the death that were originally in those moments would only scream to the surface again and the desolate places .. well, how can those be walked through...
What I didn't know was that there was One who had allured me to those desolate wild places.. those waste places.. those wildernesses.... and He had done so that in tenderness could He speak.. into those places we would journey together and He would touch them all first and He would call me back ... back to His side.. back towards Him.. walking with Him through all those places so that I could touch them.. cry over them.. lean into Him and discover that darkness really does have to recede ... always recede when Light steps in
Torturous places become places of the most fertile soil.. and places that were stripped and laid bare are the very places where the most beautiful flowers get to grow... I knew not personhood.. I knew not the understanding of humanity and life... I lived within lies and created places so to endure reality....
But beyond enduring that reality He moved me away from them and has brought me to places where I thrive.. I thrive.. I don't just live.. I don't just get by... I have tasted death.. and a darkness full of evil but I know abundance of life in ways that words fail to communicate... and I commune with life in a way that births forth appreciation in all that I do....
Darkness tried to have its day however the more it tried the more it created a void that would and could only truly be made full through a daughter's encounters with Creator... Father.. and into that void He would step and abide and heal and strengthen.. In my most desolate places are the places where He shines forth...
Today I kept hearing the words from the song.. "Someone to Watch Over Me." And beyond anything I know I know He does.. I know that His eyes are always upon me and upon my life and that there is no separation.. that as I move through the times and seasons of my life we only walk more fully together..
I cried out to the Lord and He heard me and He saved me from the pit...
I sought the LORD, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
And saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him,
And rescues them.
Psalm 34....
He sought me more than I sought Him and He rescued me and by His side .. glued to His side is where I venture forth from... mindful of Him who entered into the darkness so that those living in the land of darkness could experience the Light that is the life of men....
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