A girl among giants

I have heard that phrase in my head for days now and while I had glimpses of where to go I had no time but even beyond that point the time had not yet arrived where the full vision for this piece would emerge....

This morning picture after picture and phrases after phrases danced in the air all about me until I could no longer just observe...

What does this mean to me? A girl among giants. Oh so much....

I sat at my desk last week cradling my head in my hands.... Having come to a place where my lack of ability met up with reality I did not truly know how to practically do that which was before me.... Then my truest self began to emerge... "Lord, this certainly can not be of strength or of might for I have none.. not in this area.. and you have yet to bring forth to us those that are mighty and strong." I could feel life in the words as they fell from my mouth and I continued.."So it must be of Your Spirit... for is not by power not by might but by Your Spirit that I will walk this road."

From that point on the pictures started to flow... I felt like the spies seeing a new land... I felt like David in the field with the sheep having then come upon the field ... There were so many giants... Myself to name the biggest but not the least...

My lack screaming in my ears as the dreams and the truth of who our Lord is swelled in my heart.... truth and doubt meeting to form a swirl so great that I thought I would lose myself completely. Hearing the words that it was not by strength and might that these emerging roads would be walked upon but by Him and through Him I entered into a slight rest...

I am girl.. I am a girl in love with a God ... I am a girl who sees the armies of believers as paralyzed at times as those Israelites who listened to the raging of Goliath.. I feel that own trepidation within my heart as his bellows fill the air.... I am a girl in love with a God who has seen the land full of the wonders of her Lord and yet recognizes the battles that are to be faced....

I would question that in a line up of brothers would I even be in the line.... there is much I might know to do... but much I have seen and don't long to do... scurrying for this or that I just don't want in my make up.... And in a journey of spying out the land would I be the two who had courage to say, "we can take it!" Courage and boldness aren't always in my possession...

So the giants are real even if some of them are just in my head.... giants of finances.. giants of lack of skill... giants of lack of connection... giants of who am I anyway... giants of the thoughts that there are those better equipped... more able.... giants of doubt... giants of fear... and then truth erupts on the scene and the gray fog and darkness of the night gives way to a light so pure and so beautiful and so clear... It's not about me anyway....

I have spent time in the fields and not gone into battle but have fought the scermages ... I have looked over the horizon of a land emerging and felt the trembling of the earth only to command courage to enter my being and know that the Lord is the maker of the earth and that every knee of every giant will bow before Him... I have looked to the stories of the feeding of the 5000 and the healing of the man at the gate beautiful as one might look to guides upon a mountain pass...

"Silver and gold have I none.." So much I do not possess.. this isn't doubt .. this is truth ... however the greater truth (or as Aslan would put it "a deeper magic")is that in my weakness He is strong... and it isn't just a nice accolade or complimentary thought to speak forth that Kingdom isn't of strength or might but by Spirit...

At a women's conference so many years ago I received a notebook and upon the cover was the word, Miracles. I have never prayed for a lame man or woman and had them walk... I have never prayed for deaf ears to be opened and watched as upon the face the expression of a human being is dazzled as they hear their first sounds.. I have not seen blind eyes open.. I have not seen the multitudes fed.... all the giants and all the voices grow loud in my ears...

Who am I to think that I would see such things or be used in such a way? And then the words of the column on the side of this blog ring in my ears... "Who are you not to be?"

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking
so that others won't feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in every one.
As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Nelson Mandela)

Having been in the movement of Vineyard churches the stories of John Wimber reside within my heart... a man praying for the sick without result for nine months because it was a mandate he knew he had received...

"Who are you not to be?" It isn't that I am special that I journey out into this land ... I am simply and profoundly a girl among giants but the testimony has gone out and the land is beautiful and it is to be taken.. not by strength nor by might did those walls come down and those battles be won... a giant wasn't taken down by a seasoned warrior... but by a boy who had some stones and knew.... I might only have the courage and faith of a mustard seed but I have a hunger within me that will only be satisfied as the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear..... So I put myself out there... among the giants ... for giants were made to be slain by the stones of a boy... (Or in my case that of a girl)