In the quiet of the night when the places we live settle and the evening enters into its time I have been left alone with thoughts and wonderments and ideas and feelings that run deep into my heart and deep into my being....
It is these moments when all is quiet... when we are with ourselves that those places within us emerge.... there are places with that emerging that forever go untalked about... we couch our fears within intellectual thoughts or ideas ... we defuse our emotions and try to place reason upon our fears... our dreams... our passions...
These moments and those places are where I am after exposing within myself... embarrassingly so... but I am going to be relentless with myself to get to the place where light is shining within me... I am hungry to release the shadows and the cobwebs that linger within....
I want to step into a place of honesty and boldness while being submitted... I just don't want to cower in fear anymore... I would rather express the intimate thoughts that live within my heart and my mind then ever deal with the what ifs I had said this or that.....
Granted this isn't to everyone... this isn't even here... although dear reader you get me raw as much as anybody with the exception of a truly minimal few.....
This season is so very interesting to me... it is an emerging .. a time away from the caterpillar and yet the proverbial butterfly while maybe in the process of emerging has just only begun to fly... stretching its wings and realizing that it is no longer an earth bound creature.... learning the new paradigm of living... learning the new capacity for life....
I have got to trust Him.... I look up at Him and then close my eyes for I know Him in my heart.. I don't have to see Him.. I know Him and while there is still a tendency to mirror upon Him and His authority and rule and reign over my life the shadows of what other authorities and relationships have perpetrated unto me I resist that urge to believe those things about Him more and more.. I resist the urge to doubt or to fear more and more... more and more I am realizing how much I really truly know Him and that I can place my life into His hands and trust Him ....
There are those that fear and so they cling to what they know... there are those who fear and so they never try.... I have known fear.. but I don't want to hold onto something that God has done because I don't know what He will do next and I don't want to not step forward into new things just because they might fail....
I'm in this place where I am just about to see the river bend and I truly don't know what is beyond it... but He knows all my days... He knows every single one of them and in that I can trust Him .... In Him I can hope .. for even if the days ahead look utterly different than what I thought or hoped them to be I know that He has known them and that He will never leave me nor forsake me
In Him I can rest... I can rest because while I may only have the faith of the mustard seed or while I might be a smoldering wick... He is faithful and true to see me through this journey until the moment it is over and hand and hand for all eternity we will never ever again be apart.....
to that end I walk
No comments:
Post a Comment