Walking the Passage: I need to call Him Lord... but then I don't get my way... THANK GOD

Saturday, April 19, 2014

I need to call Him Lord... but then I don't get my way... THANK GOD

I'm an extrovert on a meditative journey. The first time I wrote those words in my journal I laughed. How true. But those words seemingly are at opposing sides.

This season has shown me all I would want to believe about God and His ways are true. Places within me have been confronted ever so deeply at how much I have been a person of the world and its ways.

The ways of the Lord are utterly counter culture to the ways of man.

Rest and trust and leaning are really the postures that advance the Kingdom of the Lord. What the world would perceive as weakness and foolishness are actually the hidden gems that we must learn how to search out...

Then this week, I was lead to this most perfect verse in Exodus... Exodus 14:14 "The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent."

I have found that has I have leaned and leaped or stagnated and pulled away, that His ways are so majestic and so thoroughly the way upon which my life needs to be lived.

Rest and trust are not laziness and inactivity. They are the powerful force of the Kingdom.

I have trusted in horses,chariots, men and proverbial armies.. I have trusted in the wisdom and strategies of this age instead of the ways of God. I have wanted the 32,000 of Gideon and only found myself reduced to the 300. But in the reduction I have found the victories of God and they are oh so much more satisfying.

I could gain the whole world but lose my soul and I have watched as people in the world and people in the ministry have done such things, I know not the direction my path is taking. I know not the next steps beyond the day. I know not what the future looks like. And that is terrifying and disquieting, and rumble in my soul.

I don't come to weakness easily, I don't come to trust easily, I actually hate vulnerability and transparency even while I embrace it..... I have found that there is no other way. Or let me restate that .. the other way, I can not embrace. I can not embrace a poker face. I can not embrace while I want to, "an I don't care or it is FINE," mentality. I want to close down my heart and lock it up behind a dead bolt lock and live BUT the problem is that isn't life and the death that causes (AND that I have tasted) is a far worse death then the life of walking admitting my need, my weakness and waiting upon Him to renew my strength and to heal my heart...

I am a child of another Kingdom... and its ways and its law of love must be branded on the interior of my being in such a way that forms me out. To live contrary to that is to not live a life of fidelity to the one I call Lord, and I NEED to call Him Lord.. but then I don't get my way.. THANK GOD

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One of my Favorite Narnian Quotes...

“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things – trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world that makes you real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play-world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we’re leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for the Overland.

A Brilliant Quote from Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,

but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking

so that others won't feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in every one.

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.